AIBU to not want to give baby an English name?

[OneTonNoodles]

I'm expecting, and we're discussing baby names.

DP likes traditional, common, English/ European names. His family is full of Elizabeth, Peter, David's.

I have a DS named Aryan from a previous relationship. I like unusual, uncommon, and would prefer an ethnic name that goes with DS.

I know they're not the same person so they don't need to match but I'd find Persephone and Keith as a sibset jarring.

I'm willing to compromise and choose an ethnic name that is also used in the West e.g. Nina, but DP is not having any of it.

His points are, 1. I got to name DS 2. We live in England. 3. He made 1 suggestion for an unusual name he was semi-ok with and I laughed at him. Therefore IABU.

I don't think I am because I said we can compromise.

I love the names you've chosen OP and I also suggest the baby gets your surname, I wouldn't tolerate the baby I had carried for 9 months not sharing my surname. You can always change surnames after you're married if you choose to take his surname or he could take yours so he shares the same name as his child.

Tbf my baby was nameless for a couple of days after they were born as we were totally undecided right till the last but then the name just stuck when they were here. :) x

Mum is always right so he will have to deal with that unfortunately!

Most ridiculous thing I’ve read on here all day!

Did you not discuss all of this before you decided to have a baby together ?

Hahahaha are you sure you're reading?

Point out the Mohammed is in the top ten U.K. boys names…

Fantastic comment and very true

Good point!

"His family is very repressed and proper. They don't like to deal with anything unpleasant and paste a smile on their faces. It's all odd and Stepfordy."

Oh dear. I don't think names are going to be the last of your disagreements.

i completely disagree with the PP who said you should give baby his surname to keep them happy. You should give baby YOUR surname (with or without his) and if they don't like it, tough shit. They can paste a smile on their faces can't they?!

How about using Indian origin names that are popular (or have similar pronunciations but different spellings) amongst parents of different ethnicities? For example, Harry, Kiran, Rohan for boys.

For girls: Alisha, Jena, Kali, Leia, Yasmin

nameberry.com/baby-names/853/indian-names/all

I had similar issues with multicultural names, I found going to names of the religions of the book spanned many countries and cultures and had variations in each. Things like Adam, Eve, Mary(am). I got quite deep into it (if you want any suggestions via PM) and found a stem word that had been made into a name in many cultures, European on birth certificate, shorter south Asian calling name as everyday name. Here the name websites really help, the ones where they suggest other similar name to the ones you like. I would type in the top 10 names your DH likes and find the Indian or Hindu/Sikh versions.

We had the same issue, names totally have connotations from life experiences of people so it’s very hard to come to an agreement when you’ve met people with completely different names your whole life! If DH liked a name in my culture, I was eew that’s so old fashioned because as a second gen immigrant it was a classic name of grandparent generation. And visa versa (I really liked Althaia!).

Here’s a great website with search terms put in that someone made for me when I was asking for names, good example of how asterisk can be used to expand search. www.behindthename.com/names/sound/ts,t-s,tz,t-z

In the Pregnancy+ app there are lists of top names by country and you can favourite them. I went through a lot of those with DH and we identified common themes of names we liked.

I do think it’s important your baby has an affinity with their sibling and also a connection in their name to their multicultural heritage. It’ll be the same for your DH, having the same names in circulation for generations in an old English family is quite fixed and a signifier of belonging.

I know a few Aryan’s in London - mainly Iranian, and Aryannas. Never thought if Nazi but also not unusual.
I don’t agree that you can’t find an unusual English name. Forget the origins and just work out sounds you like - short or long, how many syllables work well with the surname? Find something you both like. Have you looked at a list of beautiful Celtic names?
Just avoid Aryanna if it’s a girl!
my current favourites are Noa for a girl and Jax for a boy. I think Noa is Israeli? No idea about Jax.

Some names he's mentioned: Emma, Harriet, Arthur, Eleanor.
Unusual pick: Harlequin.
My list: Zia, Cyra, Pari.
Unusual pick: Zephyr.
His mum suggested Francis/Frances

The DP and his mum are trying to erase your heritage here. They seem to think the baby is theirs, not half yours.

The Harlequin suggestion is a passive aggressive way of saying anything outside of the sacred canon is as silly as Harlequin.

I think you missed the bit where she said if a child came into my classroom and they were white I would think...

I probably wouldn't have phrased it quite like that but I think (in a white family) many of us would wonder if that were the naming motivation. Clearly the family heritage changes things entirely...

Well you’re going to HAVE to compromise because you have to name this child.

look up previous threads of names that work in both cultures - I think there’s Serena and Anouska for girls, the latter of which could shorten to Annie.

I’d buy a book of Indian and a book of English baby names and stick two lists of paper on the fridge so you both write down what you like. There will be compromises to be found - Indian names that could have an English sounding short form, European names that wouldn’t sound out of place in Hindi - I think someone said that Anouska is not a Hindi name, but it sounds like it could be so has become popular in British Indian families.

You have to work together on this - point out to your husband he’s having a British Indian baby, and he needs to accept their identity is going to be different from his. Equally the baby will have a different identity from you and your son, and you need to accept this. You need to have really clear conversations about this because it runs deeper than names.

It would make sense for the baby to have an English and Indian given name in the mix .

If you aren’t married you have to register it. You’ve got to compromise on given names but with surnames I would just tell him it’s doubled barrelled and that’s that - it makes sense.

PS unless you are independently wealthy, do get married, it offers you and the baby much better financial protection.

@IDreamOfTheMoors Aryan is a mainstream name in places like India and predates the Aryan Nation.

What about a biblical name that you can both compromise on as your lists are completely different

while he is being a dickhead, I’m not sure that’s the motivation. My DC have “English” names despite being mixed race and that wasn’t why we chose them for them, it could just be he likes those names and is being a stubborn arsehole about it.

It is true.

Traditionally the baby took the mother’s surname, which would have also been the fathers if she were married, or her maiden name if not.

Giving children of unmarried parents their father’s name as a matter of course is a modern thing.

I don't think it's done with malice. Maybe, thoughtlessness?

That's my original point, the choices to me are English English, even if the origins might be German or whatever.

There's nothing to work with with those names. Unlike if they suggested biblical names as PPs mentioned. At least they span other cultures.

Don't be silly. It's a Persian/Sanskrit name and I've known a couple of boys with this name.

If a kid called Aryan came into my classroom and it was white I would definitely think it had nazi parents

Don't be daft. You would not think this. You would have met the parents at consultations, you would know the kid, and you wouldn't bat an eye. He'd just be that kid Aryan you teach... and you would have worked out that it's a Sanskrit name (and surprise surprise, some kids named Aryan are white. I know a half Irish/half Iranian boy with this name). Don't be ignorant... your job is to teach children not to be.

'those kind of people' - stuffy and difficult. Have you never met anyone who thinks their 'family name' is hugely important (even though loads of complete strangers also have the same name)? Admittedly it used to be more of a thing when I was a child, but I knew quite a few families who kept having another child until they finally had a boy to 'carry on the family name'.

Never heard of the car. Reminds me of a lovely breeze. The pronunciation is similar to Zafar, a Persian name used widely amongst South Asians with a cool twist. One of my compromise names 😊

I honestly think that compromising with each of you picking one name, first and middle, would be the best solution. DH came up with names for DS that I really disliked so we worked out a name combination that we thought worked together - as it turns out, DS's first name is my choice, his middle name is DH's choice. We use both, plus a variety of daft nicknames that we use for the entire family. Everyone can be called "Roo," for example. 😂

He’s going to have to learn to be much less thoughtless with a dual heritage child. And he might as well start here.

I’d be so pissed of with this intractability that I’d insist on your surname given you’re not married. But I’m a bit of a twat like that.

Lol at the pearl clutching over Aryan. I know about 10 Aryans.