AIBU to not want to give baby an English name?

[OneTonNoodles]

I'm expecting, and we're discussing baby names.

DP likes traditional, common, English/ European names. His family is full of Elizabeth, Peter, David's.

I have a DS named Aryan from a previous relationship. I like unusual, uncommon, and would prefer an ethnic name that goes with DS.

I know they're not the same person so they don't need to match but I'd find Persephone and Keith as a sibset jarring.

I'm willing to compromise and choose an ethnic name that is also used in the West e.g. Nina, but DP is not having any of it.

His points are, 1. I got to name DS 2. We live in England. 3. He made 1 suggestion for an unusual name he was semi-ok with and I laughed at him. Therefore IABU.

I don't think I am because I said we can compromise.

Nobody forces to have English names for babies. Your partner should compromise with you. However, many think it is easier when living here. In a similar manner you could think it is weird giving biblical names for children when you are not religious or don't even know the name originates from the Bible.

The siblings are together only when in the same primary school so I don't think it matters if different style names.

Aron - not quite Arrun and not quite Arran?

So you're planning on traditional Indian name? And possibly one that is also "understandable" within the English culture?

From my experience of my parents trying to do the same with me, I've ended up with a unisex name that no one can spell correctly, and most people assume is male before they meet me. However my brother ended up with a name that worked well. So I would suggest you pick your name carefully :)

That's a heck of a game changer. In that case YANBU.

Please google racism

OK, that makes sense then. I understand you wanting your dc to have names that "match" each other. Are there really no "compromise" names that could work in both cultures that your DH would be able to get on board with?

What about DS2's name. Is that Indian as well?

FWIW, I think the "we're in England" argument from your DH is weak. You're in England, so they will already get more than enough exposure to that side of their heritage, whereas you'll need to work much harder to give them exposure to the Indian side. So arguably, giving the dc an Indian name helps with that.

Ok - so you need a name that reflects both your and your partner’s heritage. So an Indian name that sounds English, an English name that also sounds Indian or a name that works in both cultures.

That would be my thought too, it's akin to Adolf or something similar.

Different for a child with Indian heritage.

Why did you laugh at his name?

You naming DS to another man is immaterial in this.

I think you're just going to have to keep writing lists if names you like and lists he likes and liking for something that you both can accept.

It isn't unreasonable for either of you to want a name that associates with your heritage but Dbaby has dual heritage so you need to BOTH compromise

What will the surname be - yours or his? Ds has DHs surname (which is quite a mouthful - even in its COO) and he has a very traditional name (which has variations all over).

His great grandpa was very chuffed with the name (‘he can go anywhere with that name!’) and uses to use the French version. DH has had a lifetime of ‘your English is good’ and ‘when did you arrive here?’.

I'm English, DP is from another country. In the end we gave DS an English name, but one that can also be pronounced by DP's relatives. The two main reasons for this were making it easier for him, and because he has DP's surname, so this way both our cultures are represented in his full name.

There's not really a right or wrong here. I don't personally think that sibling names need to match, but I know that some people do. Ultimately you do have to find a compromise, but it has do be one that you're both happy with.

You can't be racist against white people @Simonjt they aren't a marginalised race.

Yanbu. Pick an interesting name. Plain Jane names are so boring.

I think you should both be happy with the names. We kept thinking of names until we were both happy with the choice.

I think it would be lovely to have a name that reflects both backgrounds. Some lovely names here unearththemoon.com/2016/08/16/indian-names-multicultural-babies/

YANBU to have your own name preferences and to expect them to be considered equally alongside your dh's preferences. YABU if you think that your desire for the name to match with the name of your child from a previous relationship should automatically outweigh your dh's opinion about names for his own child.

I think your dh's points are valid. Why did you laugh at him when he suggested a compromise name?

Who is being racist against white people? You’re the one who has a problem with asian people using asian names.

I'm sorry but the pp said white parents naming their kid that name not Asian. I think you need to untwist your underwear.

You can call your child any name you choose, whatever ethnicity. It's not against the law and no culture or individual "owns" a name

The problem is DP won't compromise at all. He wants a top 10 English name.

We haven't discussed last names. I know it'll end in another argument. He'll want only his surname as per "tradition", I'll want mine as we're not married. Don't think he'll double barrell.

Aryan..? Risky name choice that. There’s a few coordinating names that spring to mind…

Looks like you’d lose that bet then eh?!

No they don’t, they have a problem with white peoples using Asian names. I think the OP may get more out of this thread if the pair of you left it there now, you’ve had your little bicker, end it here.

The good thing here is he doesn’t get to decide wether he will or won’t double barrel as you aren’t married! You hold the cards, unfair as that could be, so he will have to compromise. Hopefully he will come round to something when he realises that.

You've misunderstood @Simonjt . I don't think anyone has a problem with Asian people using Asian names. The problem would be with white people using a particular Asian name, given the connotations that might be associated with that name if the child was white.

As OP has already confirmed that she has Asian heritage, those concerns are no longer relevant.

What was his “unusual” name suggestion?