AIBU to not want to give baby an English name?

[OneTonNoodles]

I'm expecting, and we're discussing baby names.

DP likes traditional, common, English/ European names. His family is full of Elizabeth, Peter, David's.

I have a DS named Aryan from a previous relationship. I like unusual, uncommon, and would prefer an ethnic name that goes with DS.

I know they're not the same person so they don't need to match but I'd find Persephone and Keith as a sibset jarring.

I'm willing to compromise and choose an ethnic name that is also used in the West e.g. Nina, but DP is not having any of it.

His points are, 1. I got to name DS 2. We live in England. 3. He made 1 suggestion for an unusual name he was semi-ok with and I laughed at him. Therefore IABU.

I don't think I am because I said we can compromise.

Still time, OP, to change your Aryan into an Andrew by deed poll.

@DrAmelia You’re free to choose your kids’ names based on your cultural understanding and others are free to do the same.

Nazis has no apostrophe being plural not possessive #grammarnazi

<rolls eyes at the bullying excuse>

You really don't set a kid up for bullying by giving them an unusual name (OK, maybe if it's something like moon-child) - kids just don't care, and bullies will just pick on something, doesn't matter what.

And as to spelling, I have a short, foreign surname, which I can pronounce properly (it will be spelled wrong) or phonetically depending on how awkward/in a rush I am - it's not the end of the world, I really don't feel hard done by it. And my first name is a classic - with about 8 different ways of spelling it, so that gets spelled wrong 80% of the time, depending on who that person knows with the same name as me and how they spell it. So it's also no biggie (again, excluding the more extreme spellings I suppose)

Omg I can't believe you've said that. How rude.

Sarcasm alert, Richard Osman.

I did wonder. You can never tell on here 😆

The exotic thing is a red herring. You and your husband would both like a name that reflects your respective ethnic heritage. Your child will belong to both of these groups.

I'd say your options are, give two names, or try and make a list of names you both like and try to just be open minded on both sides, or possibly find a name that references both cultures if such a thing is possible. Actual family names from both sides might be nice as an option too.

It's not awful of you at all. It does seem kind of erasing to insist on a name like Eleanor or Frances when you don't identify with them - and I don't think it's unreasonable to want the name to work as a sibling set. Aryan and Maya (for example) makes much more sense than Aryan and Frances. They need to sit easily together, in my opinion.

OK, your DP is used to traditional, European, white-coded names. But presumably he was also used to dating white British women before he met you. If he accepts you, he needs to accept that your differences are greater than just skin colour - you have a culture and a heritage just as important as his own. I'm sure it's not coming from a malicious place, but he isn't currently placing much value on those things if he's insisting you don't reflect them in your child's name.

Your baby will presumably be raised in the UK, surrounded by the middle England values his family seem to represent. They'll have so many ways of accessing and taking part in that culture. If the baby's taking his surname, then their first name is one thing you can give them that indicates their heritage from your side.

The couples I know combining heritage have looked at options which make sense for both.

Eg Anjali so similar to english Angela and gets shortened in a similar way.

Now he's going to have a sibling, who looks different with an alien name.

I think you're right in that kids are resilient and perhaps it's the adults that overthink it. My cousin gave his first son a Turkish name (chosen by his wife) and his second son a very traditional English name. The two names are like chalk and cheese, and by chance both sons look far more like the parent that chose their respective names.

The boys don't seem to care, they take the names at face value.