AIBU to not want to give baby an English name?

[OneTonNoodles]

I'm expecting, and we're discussing baby names.

DP likes traditional, common, English/ European names. His family is full of Elizabeth, Peter, David's.

I have a DS named Aryan from a previous relationship. I like unusual, uncommon, and would prefer an ethnic name that goes with DS.

I know they're not the same person so they don't need to match but I'd find Persephone and Keith as a sibset jarring.

I'm willing to compromise and choose an ethnic name that is also used in the West e.g. Nina, but DP is not having any of it.

His points are, 1. I got to name DS 2. We live in England. 3. He made 1 suggestion for an unusual name he was semi-ok with and I laughed at him. Therefore IABU.

I don't think I am because I said we can compromise.

I like Harley or Quinn much better than Harlequin which will make people think of the batman villain!
I think you need to keep talking to agree. He is being unreasonable to expect a top 10 British name, but something that works in both cultures would be ideal if possible.
Also don't use his last name, it is actually traditional to use your name if you aren't married!

Lots of names work for both 1 eg Sophia or Adam

Did you really call your child Aryan?

Why wouldn’t they?

It’s not ‘Arian’ as is 2rd reich - it’s ‘ah-r-yaaan’ as in a traditional Persian name.

@Simonjt
vwey closely tied to hitler

his desire for an “aryan” race of “pure” white people

It is spelt aryan - the master race NOT arian

But the OP is Indian and it’s a common name over there, and has a totally different meaning.

Harley is nice on it's own, not Harlequin.

You're not married. Ultimately, the naming decisions are yours.

My child would be having last name as a surname if I wasn't married 100%.

I wouldn't agree to a top 10 name either. There must be other names you can both live with. That's what you need to look for.

Yes
i was answering another poster as to why

Which is ironic…

‘I am Darius, the great king, the king of kings
The king of many countries and many people
The king of this expansive land,
The son of Wishtaspa of Achaemenid,
Persian, the son of a Persian,
'Aryan', from the Aryan race’

written 5th century BCE. A bit before Nazism…

My brother and SIL have two kids (SIL is Indian and brother white) - one child has a very traditional English name and the other very very Indian! Its not jarring at all, in fact, I'd never even thought about it until I read this post.

I think you're being a bit unfair and I think he has a point, you got to name DS so he should be able to at least suggest his favourites and together you can agree on a name that he likes.

Can be spelled Aaryan, Aryan, Arian…

The problem is DP won't compromise at all. He wants a top 10 English name

Well tough shit for your DP, unfortunately when there are two parents that's not how it works. Compromise is the name of the game. Surely everyone knows this. Is he this difficult in all aspects of life?

No it isn’t, its a very popular asian name. People who aren’t white exist

Can’t believe posters ignoring fact that the DH sounds deeply uncompromising and the couple are having endless arguments about this.

the name issue I would say is a drop in the ocean.

Not ignoring it as such, it’s just it’s not what she started the thread about, or asked for advice on, and it’s already been detailed enough by those going on about Hitler. I think most of us see that this guy sounds like an idiot though.

I think you both need to be willing to compromise, but it sounds like you are closer to doing that than he is. If you're suggesting names similar to Nina and he's giving a flat no as they're "too unusual" then he is being too rigid.

One thing I would say though is I would frame it more as these being the kind of names you just like, rather than it needing to match your other child's. In his shoes this would rub me up the wrong way.

Adam/Dhillon? I'm sure there are names acceptable to both cultures, hope you reach a compromise

I’m in a mixed race relationship and it took us months to come up with a name for DS as we wanted a name that works in both cultures.

Your partner doesn’t respect your heritage for him to be making those points, and you should maybe consider his approach when your child is born and growing up in both cultures.

@Simonjt
i was answering another poster as to why there may be a problem

it is closely linked to hitler in this country. Fact.

for Asian people that fact is understandably not particularly relevant to them and a different meaning is much more important.

but doesn’t change the very real link to hitler in this country

I am Indian (white DH). I think you pick the names you are most comfortable with. My kids have both European and Tamil names which they use fairly interchangeably. Seems to work well.

Why just white British? Cultural appropriation doesn't just apply when it is white British people doing the appropriating. Other nationalities are available.

Well considering her son is from a previous relationship it would have been very weird for her current DP to choose the name.