AIBU to not want to give baby an English name?

[OneTonNoodles]

I'm expecting, and we're discussing baby names.

DP likes traditional, common, English/ European names. His family is full of Elizabeth, Peter, David's.

I have a DS named Aryan from a previous relationship. I like unusual, uncommon, and would prefer an ethnic name that goes with DS.

I know they're not the same person so they don't need to match but I'd find Persephone and Keith as a sibset jarring.

I'm willing to compromise and choose an ethnic name that is also used in the West e.g. Nina, but DP is not having any of it.

His points are, 1. I got to name DS 2. We live in England. 3. He made 1 suggestion for an unusual name he was semi-ok with and I laughed at him. Therefore IABU.

I don't think I am because I said we can compromise.

I’m almost too scared to ask.. Quin?

And the whole ‘Aryan’ - yes I do get the whole nazi nation thing - and it’s a real pity because it’s a ‘classic’ name ruined. It’s a judgement between knowing the origin and the whole people automatically thinking of Hitler (which is why you don’t meet many Adolfs I suppose). Half of my family are from Persia and there is one kid called that (back there) but most have two names - Anglo/Persian and use both. Like I said, one relative has a name that if pronounced correctly is very close to a racial slur, so she uses an alternative.

Harlequin makes me think he’s a big DC fan

It’s not really a name though is it?

I know, it’s embarrassing.

Also how many kids/youngsters make the link to Hitler these days?

Stand your ground OP, you’ll come up with a name you both like eventually.

OP you are absolutely right to want a name that reflects their mixed heritage. I'm in a similar situation and we went through all names that sounded good in both cultures/languages, and came to agree on names that are lovely and both our families feel comfortable with. I hope your DP can see past the top 10 English names and compromise with you.

As for surname - he doesn't actually get a say. The tradition is for baby to have the same name as its mother. Of course, most of the time in the UK this has meant the same name as dad too but it doesn't have to be. You have a different surname to your partner (so do we, although we're married) so tell him it's either double barrel or your name alone. A good argument for this would be to match your older child - if he doesn't have your name already I'd consider adding it in if possible so siblings share at least part of the same surname

For a girl, there are lots of options that are familiarly English sounding names that would go with Aryan:
Layla
Carina
Lena
Lilah
Lillian
Daria
Roxanna
Tallulah
Delilah
Talia

I think it’s fine to insist that she has a name that works well for both your family’s languages and communities - so things like your suggestion of ´Nina’. Maybe ´Mia’? Could be ´Ameli’ shortened to ´Mia’.

Maya is a name I’ve seen quite a lot of other Indian and white families use. Is that an option OP?

@Simonjt It would appear that you have misunderstood what the word Aryan means in English rather than the use of the word as an Asian name. It has nazi connotations which is why people have suggested that even if it is a name used in your culture you may wish to consider its use in an English speaking country.

You work with children and think its appropriate to refer to children as it and think their parents are racist because a child doesn’t have a white british name
I think its just because of the connotations of that particular name. If they called them another Indian or other ethnicity name, I don't think anyone had an issue, but the name "Aryan" on a white child seems off because of the Nazi party.

He sounds completely inflexible and disrespectful of your POV and your culture.
I struggle to understand why you are having a baby with him but of course it's too late for that now.
Stick to your guns. As plenty of PPs have said, it's your decision (as you're unmarried he can't register the birth without you) and it's actually traditional (and right) for babies to have their mother's surnames. Just tell him that the baby will have your surname, it's not up for debate, and you can add his surname (either double barrelled or as a middle name) if he wants. But if he's an arse you don't even have to do that.
I do think that ideally someone's name should reflect their heritage, so in the case of mixed heritage it is very important to ensure a balance (eg both surnames plus a first name that works in both languages/cultures, or a first name from one culture and a middle name from the other).

Anyway. If he is this inflexible about the names then it doesn't bode well for the future. Consider how you would feel if you let him have his way with the whole name (first name and surname) and then split up later.

I haven’t misunderstood anything thank you. I just don’t think everyone is white and british, so i don’t think we should be limited to things that are white british.

This. And if you are not married you should defo give baby your surname.

"Aryan" means "noble." The Aryan people settled in NW India from Persia, probably bringing Vedism (proto-Hinduism) with them.

Hitler was obsessed with early Vedic culture (eg the Swastika). His use of Arian/Aryan probably developed from some weird conspiracy-theory history, but I really don't want to go down that rabbit hole.

I teach in a secondary school. Some classes have multiple Aryans (or variations).

Nobody uses the term "quim" any more

And just for the information of people who didn't pay attention in history class, the Nazis purloined a lot of symbolism from parts east, including the swastika, and were very into the lore of ancient India and Persia as mystical inspiration for their idea of ancient wellsprings of a pure race.

The old categorisation of the 'races' included all Caucasians and the non-Asiatic and non-Semitic people of central and south Asia as Aryans. Skin colour wasn't the defining feature. It was held that Indo-Aryan people all sprang from the same root, with common language roots (Indo-European).

Fairly popular? It really isn’t.

X post with PhotoDad

I do want to say I’m shocked at the level of racial ignorance on this thread, but unfortunately with MN it’s really not surprising.

I totally agree that not everyone is white and British and shouldn't be limited to white British names. However where there are connotations that are differ in the country where the child is to live and be raised it would at least be wise for the parents to consider those and what it may mean for the child going forward.

Yes it is, its a very traditional name.

I would assume she got to name her son as he was born from a previous relationship. So her partner trying to make that argument is just him grasping for straws.

I have come across many Aryans and this connection has never crossed my mind.

Around 10 of them in my average-sized secondary school!

Oh my god the people going on about hitler are so ironic