AIBU to not want to give baby an English name?

[OneTonNoodles]

I'm expecting, and we're discussing baby names.

DP likes traditional, common, English/ European names. His family is full of Elizabeth, Peter, David's.

I have a DS named Aryan from a previous relationship. I like unusual, uncommon, and would prefer an ethnic name that goes with DS.

I know they're not the same person so they don't need to match but I'd find Persephone and Keith as a sibset jarring.

I'm willing to compromise and choose an ethnic name that is also used in the West e.g. Nina, but DP is not having any of it.

His points are, 1. I got to name DS 2. We live in England. 3. He made 1 suggestion for an unusual name he was semi-ok with and I laughed at him. Therefore IABU.

I don't think I am because I said we can compromise.

By the aren’t married thing I mean the birth certificate is in your hands, he can’t do it without your permission.

Would also consider if your kid is going to live in a particular country throughout school years etc then don’t lumber them with something they’ll have to spell, correct pronunciation of etc EVERY SINGLE DAY IN LIFE, just because you like it. They have to live with it.

Traditional Persian names are popular in India and Pakistan (although sometimes boys names are used for girls).

Maybe there’s an author or artist you both like (I wouldn’t go for anyone ‘current’ - you never know how that may work out these days!)

Well 'tradition' also dictates marriage before children, so he just uses tradition to suit him. Do not give your baby his surname unless you're married. Double barrel it.

He's going to have to compromise about the first name too because you both have to be happy with it. He sounds like an idiot op.

What about the name Safiya? Sounds like Sophia? Could be a good compromise.

Jasmin/Yasmin ?

You picked one, now he picks one. Fair's fair! YABU

If your going to have a disagreement over both the first name and surname, could one of you get the first and the other get the surname. Which would be fair.

Or give your child 2 names, and let them choose which they like. Plently off people I know go by their second names as they didn't like their first name.

Just keep reading baby name books, eventually you’ll find a name you both like.

YABU to veto every single English name.
YANBU to want an ‘interesting’ name that fits better with Aryan rather than something very popular like Elizabeth.
YABU if you insist on only considering a fully Indian name (DP gets a veto too).

Maybe google older/alternative English names, eg Idina/Aiken/Blythe?

Probably the solution you’ll find easiest to agree on is an unusual English first name with an Indian second name.

Aryan/Arjan/Arjon and the same spelt with an E at the beginning are also very common Albanian boys names. Nothing to do with Nazi parents 🙄 some pp on this thread need to get out more.

Honestly, it sounds like there may be bigger issues beyond the names.

FWIW, it isn't "tradition" to give the child their father's surname if you aren't married, so I would be insisting on the double barrelling or giving the baby your surname.

It sounds a little to me like he doesn't respect your heritage very much at all. He can't just erase the Indian part of your kids and he shouldn't actually want to.

The unusual name he suggested was Harlequin. She can go by Harley or Quinn. He prefers Quinn.

I'm not proud, but the laugh was an involuntary reaction. I didn't expect it at all.

I like mixed cultures shown in a name; eg English name / Indian surname or the other way.

But as PP said, it seems like the problem is with your DP being controlling and refusing to listen to you.

Be very, very, careful here. I'd say LTB and give the baby the first name you want, and your surname.

DP is not having any of it.

you have bigger fish to fry than baby names

now you start a thread about baby names

i suspect in 2 years it will be in relationships and much much more serious.

I think your child should have both cultures in their name - either English first name, your last name or the other way round.

I know it'll end in another argument. He'll want only his surname as per "tradition", I'll want mine as we're not married. Don't think he'll double barrell.

I have such fond memories of baby name discussing. Laugh and jokes and quizzical expressions and… joy

not endless arguments

You both need to come to some sort of compromise

Instead of focusing on the ethnicity of the name you like why don't you both write down a list each of names you like and try to pick one together

The name issue is actually irrelevant

but what the baby “should have” is a name that BOTH parents are happy with. Whatever that is.

Why not go with with Harley or Quinn then? (I also would Nige keep a straight face at Harlequin!) Both sound fine with Aryan.

I understand the cultural reasoning for Aryan but it was a bit of a crazy choice if you are living in the UK so I can understand your partner wanting to err on the conservative side.

@OneTonNoodles YANBU

Of course it makes sense that you would like a name that goes with your sons name/your culture and one that fits in with an English heritage!

Is he getting pressure from his family on this?

Has he not realised that there are many names that are used in both cultures?

Arun/Aaron, Maya, Haris/Harris, Sofia/Sophia?

Could you each pick a name and use one as the first name and the other as a middle name?

My Dad has always been known by his middle name among family and friends, because that was the name my Granny preferred. His first name was in honor of a family member (not my Grandpa so no possible confusion), but my Granny much preferred his middle name.

My DD’s first name is a European name that’s not related to her heritage ( I’m British, DH is American). I chose it because I know a lovely person with that name. She also has no connection to that European country, her Mum was American and her Dad was Chinese!

Dreadful name

I would have laughed too!

Tradition says baby gets the same last name as mum, it’s just that traditionally mothers were married and had taken the man’s name.

Quite - a relative who emigrated to the states has a first name which, if pronounces correctly sounds like a racial slur (a very bad one). So I guess a degree of caution wouldn’t go amiss.

She did consider Aryan for her son but didn’t in the end (for that reason)..