Ringalingaling Here's a delusion for you: you really seem to think "men" (that one big homogeneous group you speak of) would rather have an almost-40 uncompromising career woman who can't / won't have kids, refuses to put the bare minimum effort like mascara into their appearance for dates, judges and looks down her nose at other women, makes a huge deal about how independent they are and how their life is so busy, and wants to sleep in separate beds, than someone ten years younger who looks after themselves and a home and will meet them halfway, simply because they already have a child (which is the thing these men want btw - we're talking about men who want to settle down with partners and wives and who have friends a-plenty to go out and get drunk with and don't need that from you).
What on earth is an uncompromising career woman? Is it a woman with a job that earns more than pin money?
Imagine having to not have a well paid career and meet random men "halfway" just in case they might want to settle down?
Are these men really worth it?
What if they are uncompromising career men? Do they need a wifey to assist them in this endeavour? How well paid does a career have to be in order to be uncompromising?
We both think the other one is delusional. Why don't we put it down to running in different circles maybe? In my circle, the professional males 30-40 who bow out after I explain I have a child is about 1 in 8. Far more don't care than do, but I've already tried to establish they're looking for more serious / long term. Most of them show an interest / thank me for my honesty etc. The worst response I've had was "that's good you have children it shows you're fertile and I will want them in the near future" lmao. A doctor so maybe he's seen the whole TTC thing too many times it's turned him clinical 😂 Everyone else has been perfectly polite and reassuring (or the 1 in 8ish who explain politely why it wouldn't work and wish me well).
Can't you just accept that you just want to date different men? But surely being a mother, you would find it a bit strange that a man with 2 such very young children was trying to date so soon after the second was born and perhaps not take him as a serious or reliable prospect?
I don't even do online dating and I've heard the fertility line from a non-doctor. He would surely need to be a particular type of doctor, e.g. a GP or working in a fertility related field for that to work though. Its not impressive really, given how many accidental pregnancies and high levels of fertility there are around. I've also had idiot men suggest that theres something wrong with me for not having kids. Not particularly well paid men compared to me, so perhaps they aren't uncompromising enough. But yes, it is a thing amongst some men, that they like women to come with children and then have children with them, so the possibilities of them becoming uncompromising are almost permanently stifled I guess. I've also been told that I'm "selfish* for not wanting kids.
If I were single, I'd absolutely hate to date any of these men. But I don't even have any male friends in my social circle who are dating women with kids. People just move in different circles, if you go about suggesting that women should question men on whether they have kids or not and thats not at all common in that circle then it will come across as weird. Equally, there seems to be some social circles where having kids by a certain age is almost expected, or so it seems.
What I actually have in my social circle is a lot of male engineers who do sports but still fail to meet women through them and who marry women from rather poorer countries who are desperate to marry a western man. This wouldn't be possible with kids as they presumably would struggle to get a visa and so they are definitely not looking for women with kids. I think that just illustrates how different the circles people move in really.