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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what this means-fwb?

386 replies

SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:20

Hi all,

I am currently in a friends with benefits type of situation. I am due to go over to his house tonight but I started my period this morning. I have told him that it has started and his response is ‘it’s not all about the sex baby, we can do other stuff you know’

Does this mean he sees this more than a sexual relationship? I really was not expecting that response from him. I thought he would want to rearrange but I’m actually pleasantly surprised.

OP posts:
nellytheelephantscircus · 03/06/2022 11:21

He probably means you can still give him a blow job

BiscoffSundae · 03/06/2022 11:22

nellytheelephantscircus · 03/06/2022 11:21

He probably means you can still give him a blow job

Yep

Rantypanties · 03/06/2022 11:22

Yeah I don’t think he means anything else except you serving him!

Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:22

@nellytheelephantscircus true, didn’t think of it like that. 😄

OP posts:
Switchin · 03/06/2022 11:22

This depends. Are you friends with benefits or just nothing with benefits? Friends still hang out, if not then PP are right and he wants oral.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 03/06/2022 11:22

nellytheelephantscircus · 03/06/2022 11:21

He probably means you can still give him a blow job

Yep, this is what it means.

MagicTurtle · 03/06/2022 11:23

"We can do other stuff" means non penetrative sex IMO, not just chatting or watching a film or whatever.

Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:23

@Switchin We do get on well. We cuddle, chat, kiss, watch films etc. He is very loving towards me but I don’t see him outside of both our houses.

OP posts:
Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:25

We can sit and talk for hours about random things but I have never seen him where we haven’t had sex during the time together.

OP posts:
Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:26

Also he texts me quite a lot and asks how I am, tells me about his day. I’m quite confused!

OP posts:
Iwantachange · 03/06/2022 11:28

He means u can give him a bj or you can have anal...

Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:30

@Iwantachange most likely 😄 I must of misinterpreted!

OP posts:
Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:33

I will see how it goes😄

OP posts:
yellowsmileyface · 03/06/2022 11:34

Reminds me of a very similar situation I was in. The same thing happened and he even specifically said "we can still cuddle and watch a movie!"

When I got there though it became clear he was still expecting sex.

Similarly we would text loads and seemed to have a real connection. He would be sweet and romantic with me which I took to be a sign that we were both developing feelings for each other. I wound up getting hurt.

From your posts it sounds like for you this is more than just FWB, and you're hoping it's more for him too. If that's the case, I'd talk to him about it. You don't want to waste your time investing emotionally in someone who'll never be open to anything more than a FWB situation.

Oysterbabe · 03/06/2022 11:35

Sounds like you want more than FWB. Be careful, you're heading for heartbreak.

Kingharoldshairstyle · 03/06/2022 11:38

The clue is in rhe title. Friends, with benefits, he’s saying you can still be friends and do friend type stuff.

Genegenieee · 03/06/2022 11:39

Check out an Instagram account called lalaletmeexplain and a book she's published. Her advice in this situation is to be honest about what you want rather than second guessing what he wants

Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:40

Thank you. Yes that’s true. It’s all quite confusing. He has offered to cut my grass tomorrow as it needs doing😄I have no idea how he sees us really

OP posts:
cottagegardenflower · 03/06/2022 11:43

Last time I looked, a blow job was 'sex'. He said he wasn't looking for sex, so I would say he enjoys your company

OneTC · 03/06/2022 11:45

I've only ever had friends with benefits that were actual friends so doing stuff other than fucking was enjoyable.

I wouldn't read anything into it

FinallyHere · 03/06/2022 11:48

nellytheelephantscircus · 03/06/2022 11:21

He probably means you can still give him a blow job

this.

Original poster
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:50

Probably I am reading into it. I will see how it goes tonight, I guess I will find out then!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 03/06/2022 11:52

SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:50

Probably I am reading into it. I will see how it goes tonight, I guess I will find out then!

Have you considered asking him in advance. It seems to me to be pretty passive, to not know what to expect and just turn up anyway. You are giving him all the power in your relationship.

That's not ideal.

yellowsmileyface · 03/06/2022 11:53

I really would just talk to him about it, rather than trying to work out the meaning behind his actions.

RepublicOfNarnia · 03/06/2022 11:57

Do you actually want to do other sexual things i.e. blow job / anal?