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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what this means-fwb?

386 replies

SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 11:20

Hi all,

I am currently in a friends with benefits type of situation. I am due to go over to his house tonight but I started my period this morning. I have told him that it has started and his response is ‘it’s not all about the sex baby, we can do other stuff you know’

Does this mean he sees this more than a sexual relationship? I really was not expecting that response from him. I thought he would want to rearrange but I’m actually pleasantly surprised.

OP posts:
dworky · 03/06/2022 15:43

I'm going to blow your mind but menstruation does not prohibit sex.

It's blood not acid, put a towel down.

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 03/06/2022 15:56

dworky · 03/06/2022 15:43

I'm going to blow your mind but menstruation does not prohibit sex.

It's blood not acid, put a towel down.

and party 'til it's dry
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 16:07

@GregBrawlsInDogJail 🤣

ok.. so his response to me asking what he was thinking of doing. ‘you will have to wait and see what I have in mind baby’ 😬

OP posts:
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 16:09

I think that says it all really

OP posts:
Onlyforcake · 03/06/2022 16:11

The FRIENDS side? I used to spend time with my friend rather than just a quick shag. Hence, years later, both with others we are still good FRIENDS.

Otherwise it's just a booty call not fwb

Sswhinesthebest · 03/06/2022 16:26

Sounds like he wants sexual contact still.

Perplexed0522 · 03/06/2022 16:30

Tell him you are going out with friends.

Do not go round his house!

He doesn’t own you as his personal sex toy where he gets to decide how to use you depending on what time of the month it is.

You aren’t there as something just to provide pleasure to him so stop letting him treat you like it.

2bazookas · 03/06/2022 16:30

Friends do other stuff. Go for walks, talk, cook, eat, argue, watch TV, laugh.

Wednesdayafternoon · 03/06/2022 16:44

@SunflowerEvie omg what does he have in mind 😳
Could be interpreted in a sexual way or a nice way!

DrDinosaur · 03/06/2022 16:50

ouch321

Assume this is wind up as would be vile if you actually do that...

There is no reason to avoid sex just because you're having a period. You may be squeamish about it, but it's definitely not 'vile'.

SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 16:53

I will go and see what happens and update. I may need to have a think about the arrangements

OP posts:
SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 16:53

i am pretty open minded but I believe the benefits are all for him really

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/06/2022 16:57

SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 16:53

i am pretty open minded but I believe the benefits are all for him really

Are you happy with the arrangement? Do you have feelings for him? It's not very clear.

NoodleScnoodle · 03/06/2022 16:58

I have only been in this type of “relationship” once, when I tried online dating in between getting divorced and meeting my current DH.

I met a guy who wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, he was honest about it from the start before we even met. It was clear that he was a bit of a womaniser. He was very good looking and quite good fun though. I hadn’t fancied anyone for ages or felt desirable. It seemed a good idea to try the “FWB” thing I’d heard people talk about .

It didn’t suit me really though as I couldn’t help myself feeling upset at the thought of him going on dates with/possibly having sex with other women, even though I knew deep
down he wasn’t even my type in terms of a serious relationship. It just felt too weird and I did feel jealous, if I was honest with myself. It affected my self-esteem too .

We would go out for dinner together, cinema, chat on the phone, have nights together without sex and with just cuddling. I even met his mum. However, none of that meant he had serious feelings for me, and I knew that. He just enjoyed having female company I think, without the commitment. So, even if your guy means “do other things” in a non-sexual sense, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants something more.

When a man really likes you and wants a relationship, I find that they make it very obvious. They don’t mess around and risk you meeting someone else.

If you are trying to second guess someone and look for signs to see how they feel, then you already have your answer.

Laiste · 03/06/2022 16:59

SunflowerEvie · 03/06/2022 16:07

@GregBrawlsInDogJail 🤣

ok.. so his response to me asking what he was thinking of doing. ‘you will have to wait and see what I have in mind baby’ 😬

I keep picturing Austin Powers 🙃

But anyway ... this could go either way OP. You know him better than us OP. Is he joking around do you think?

What's been said on previous occasions when you've been on/thought you might be?

FWIW my (what i thought was) very much just FWB said very similar things the first time i had a period when we were due to meet up (this was apx 3 months in). I went along to see what he meant and he was v sweet, he'd bought chocolate and extra pain killers and let me chose all the films. We just slobbed under the covers all evening and it was lovely.

We've been married 10 years this year 😍

Just ask him - Are you expecting us to still get physical?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/06/2022 17:03

I think some sort of sexual contact is what he's thinking but could be wrong as I've never had a fwb, I've had a few fuck buddy's we certainly weren't friends!

Period sex is not vile at all but not something everyone would want to do , especially with someone who is just a fwb

CorpseReviver · 03/06/2022 17:25

nellytheelephantscircus · 03/06/2022 11:21

He probably means you can still give him a blow job

Yes, this

valerianaofficiana · 03/06/2022 17:45

He means blow-job or several, quite clearly.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 03/06/2022 17:59

If you are trying to second guess someone and look for signs to see how they feel, then you already have your answer.

Actually I don't agree with this - it depends on the people involved. I second - guess people because I'm not good at reading people. I have trouble with social nuance or even things that others might find obvious. And it depends whether the man involved is good at communication. Uncertainty can mean that this is just a causal fling going nowhere, but it can also mean that your confidence is low / you're not good at reading people / he's a bit crap at communicating.

PurpleButterflyWings · 03/06/2022 18:08

NGL I would be binning him off for calling me 'baby'!!! Also, yep he wants a blow job.

LampLighter414 · 03/06/2022 18:13

Probably wants you to suck him off. Which if you like the idea of, then go, but if not give it a rain check

SailingNotSurfing · 03/06/2022 18:16

Him calling you 'baby' is cringetastic. Does he think he's the lead in Dirty Dancing? Shudder. Let him mow your lawn, don't give him a blow job or endure anal sex (unless you want to), and see how the friendship pans out.

WomanHere · 03/06/2022 18:20

OP, I’m on my 3rd implant and irregular bleeding is common for the first few weeks. Once it is settled you may not have any bleeding or your monthly cycle may return. It is not the same for every user.

BanditoShipman · 03/06/2022 18:24

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 03/06/2022 14:53

There's nothing vile about period sex. It's just sex

Why would period sex be vile????

TreacheryPepper · 03/06/2022 18:32

Another one here who has no problem with period sex.

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