To wonder what this means-fwb?

[SunflowerEvie]

Hi all,

I am currently in a friends with benefits type of situation. I am due to go over to his house tonight but I started my period this morning. I have told him that it has started and his response is ‘it’s not all about the sex baby, we can do other stuff you know’

Does this mean he sees this more than a sexual relationship? I really was not expecting that response from him. I thought he would want to rearrange but I’m actually pleasantly surprised.

Posted too soon. because you need to set boundaries of your own, not take his lead.

This sounds like an awful situation to be honest, as though he wants everything that a relationship has apart from the commitment.

If you're okay with it, fine, but please make sure you are okay, and be careful :) x

Is a blow job or anal not sex?

That is sad been in that situation and chosen to do that in the past, but as a woman I find that hard.

Be careful, it seems you like him more than just friends so it may be best to see if he feels the same otherwise you might get upset.

Sounds like a mind twister, OP!!

If someone said to me 'it not all about the sex, we can do other things', I'd assume that meant no sexual activity at all.

But I'm old so what do I know!!!

Out of interest - how did decide this was an FWB relationship and not an early stages relationship, relationship?

No, he want a blowjob 😂

Exactly what I was thinking, since when have the other alternatives not been sex 🤔

You could just reply "Sounds good, what do you have in mind?" to get an idea roughly what he's suggesting, ie other sexual activities or hanging out. That's different from the longer term question of whether this could become a committed relationship - it sounds like you do need to consider that possibility and protect yourself if you want it and he doesn't. I don't think it's unusual for FWB to develop into more. Mine is now a fully fledged partner - we were both emotionally wounded and defensive at the start, hence no commitment then, but it grew naturally as we got on so well.

Of course he means he’s expecting a blow job!

The term FWB always makes me smile because usually they aren’t actual friends, but just two people who go to each other’s houses and have sex with each other.

A friend is someone who is in your life regardless of whether you have sex with them or not I.e they know the rest of your friends, you all go out together as friends, you go for drinks at the local pub together, days out etc. Just general hanging out with each other on a regular basis and not just meeting up for sex.

If you expected this guy to rebook your plans on the basis that you can’t have sex then he’s not a friend.

However, if he really means it when he says “it’s not just about the sex” and he isn’t referred to wanting oral sex, then why not see if he wants to go out for a few drinks or something rather then stay in?

I think it’s important you find out what his true intentions are so you can save yourself some heartbreak.

I’ve noticed people call someone they’ve met off tinder a FWB even though they aren’t really friends don’t usually do anything other than have sex when they meet and never go out together anywhere, that’s just a fuck buddy tbh but I think people don’t like to use that term so think they sound better calling it a FWB there was a woman the other day on here who said she had a FWB but they never did anything other than go to each other’s houses for sex

Weird all these assumptions about BJs and anal, which are still sex. He explicitly said it's not all about sex, so to me the other stuff wouldn't mean oral sex or anal sex, but actual non-sex stuff.

I don’t think he’s asking for a bj (which is definitely sex). Some rather unfortunate traits are being projected onto this bloke who might just want to watch the telly with OP! That would be the ‘friends’ bit.

Of course, I could be wrong.

He may just want to hang out. My previous FWB (many years ago now) bought us tickets to see some (dead) preserved human bodies on display in London. Other times he’d practice his cooking for me.

Please come back and let us know!

I think he means other sexual stuff. Not going to the cinema. But probably best to ask if you are not sure.

I imagine that to most people sex is PIV or anal and that everything else is considered to be sexual contact.

If I give my DH a blow job I don’t class as it as us just having had sex. It may be called oral sex, but it’s not actual sex.

For example, with some guys I have spent months having some kind of sexual contact before actually sleeping with them. I class the first time we had sex as being the first time we had PIV, not the first time we did anything else with each other.

But everyone’s interpretations are different which is probably why OP needs to work out what her FWB means when he says “other stuff”.

Is anyone else thinking of the Friend’s episode where Ross and Rachel (on the night of Monica’s engagement) are discussing what they used to like about their sex life and Rachel told him that he was always good at “the stuff”.

Stuff = any sexual contact that isn’t actual PIV sex 😂

If I had anal with someone I’d think that I’d had sex 😅

People don't seem to get the difference between and fwb & a fuck buddy! Fwb do go and do other things, with previous fwbs we have gone for dinner, cinema, days out, the beach, and chill out like a couple, but we didn't want anything more serious for various reasons. Fuck buddies do just go to each others houses for sex.

As a pp said just ask him what else he has in mind.

Yeah, it seems he either wants a blow job or to do you up the pooper 😆

Haha yes. He wants a blowjob.

Exactly this OP.

You need to decide exactly what you are to each other. Friends or fuck buddies?

😂

Yes I should have included that 😂

Sex = PIV and Anal
Stuff = everything else

😂

I'm confused. Blow jobs aren't sex? Since when?

100% this

I’m looking forward to the update.
FWIW, I’m definitely team “he wants a blowie”