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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset my friend hasn’t paid me ?

213 replies

Germanpandalover1987 · 02/06/2022 21:46

I’m a nanny for my friend’s little girl and she was due to pay me yesterday on the 1st but she hasn’t so I think she will pay me next Monday (because of the bank holidays+ weekend) and I’ll get zero apology for the lateness. I won’t ask her because I don’t want things to be awkward between us but I’m upset with her. Its not the first time she doesn’t pay me on time. Would you also be upset or just let it go because she is a friend ? Thank you

OP posts:
SmartCarDriver · 04/06/2022 21:59

toogoodforthisworld · 04/06/2022 20:40

I am a terrible person I admit it. I work full time. I have 4 kids living at home. My DH works loads outside the home and my lovely cleaner comes for 5 hours once a week. I wfh and if I have a minute while she is cleaning I make her a cuppa and pay her. Sometimes I don't have a minute .. and she will either make her own cuppa or go with out. She sees me sitting there on calls and typing away.
She sends me a reminder the next day.
I think I'm going to make it an automatic payment from now on.. 🙈

I hope she moves on to a more respectful employer before you've had the chance to set up an automatic payment.

So fucking rude!

HollowTalk · 04/06/2022 22:15

Better to message her before then, surely?

wellhelloitsme · 04/06/2022 22:21

@DadBodAlready

Most cleaning ladies do it because they need the extra cash to make ends meet or because they can't get something better.

This is so patronising and condescending towards cleaners I thought it was a joke at first! Jesus.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/06/2022 00:43

I have an acquaintance who now runs her cleaning company because it pays more per hour than escorting with the full girlfriend experience did......that paid for her 4 bed no mortgage house.
"Cant get something better '....ok

TibetanTerrah · 05/06/2022 05:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I used to be a cleaner, and you'd be surprised how common this is. Lovely clients, friendly and chatty, "oh thanks you've done a fabulous job". Personally when I need to pay someone I whip out my phone there and then and transfer it, but nope, I only had one clients in the dozens and dozens I had over the years who did that.

These days I tutor, and still come up against the same shit. I used to think it was a power play when I was a cleaner, now I think many people just don't like to part with cash until the last possible moment, but want the service.

BorderlineHappy · 05/06/2022 06:21

Surely it's going to be more awkward to ask in person than over text.
If you hate having that conversation.

MuchoMistrust · 05/06/2022 06:28

toogoodforthisworld · 04/06/2022 20:40

I am a terrible person I admit it. I work full time. I have 4 kids living at home. My DH works loads outside the home and my lovely cleaner comes for 5 hours once a week. I wfh and if I have a minute while she is cleaning I make her a cuppa and pay her. Sometimes I don't have a minute .. and she will either make her own cuppa or go with out. She sees me sitting there on calls and typing away.
She sends me a reminder the next day.
I think I'm going to make it an automatic payment from now on.. 🙈

"Oh I'm so busy I don't even have the common decency to pay someone who is cleaning my family's shit up. Tee hee"

Pay your cleaner. It's not big and it's not clever. Put her money out the night before if it's too much effort to pay her on the day.

whatwasyournamesorry · 05/06/2022 06:36

Remind her but then suggest she sets up
standing order for future payments

BruceAndNosh · 05/06/2022 06:44

Too busy to pay your cleaner?
I make sure I have the money the day before and leave it in the same place in kitchen if I don't think I'll see her.
She's equally busy as most of of her clients, why should she have to use her valuable time chasing up payments?

Chocolateismyfavourite · 05/06/2022 08:28

I'm the cleaner who posted further up the thread about a non payment from one of my clients, despite three emails, three what's apps and two phone calls wich haven't been answered, I've still yet to be paid, the last what's app I sent was Thursday, was read yesterday morning, no payment not yet showing in my business account, my partner thinks if they did make payment it won't show because of the weekend, but I'm not sure. Will be ringing them again tomorrow.

threatmatrix · 05/06/2022 08:46

Message her and and ask her when your monies are going into to your bank as you have direct debits coming out on the same date every month.

MinnieGirl · 05/06/2022 08:56

This is ridiculous! You are a grown woman and too scared to txt your friend and tell her she needs to pay you for your services! Get a grip!

I would send a txt saying you haven’t been paid and an she transfer money immediately. Regrettably you will not be able to do any more work for her unless the money is transferred today.

She will do this again unless you stop it now

gamerchick · 05/06/2022 10:47

Chocolateismyfavourite · 05/06/2022 08:28

I'm the cleaner who posted further up the thread about a non payment from one of my clients, despite three emails, three what's apps and two phone calls wich haven't been answered, I've still yet to be paid, the last what's app I sent was Thursday, was read yesterday morning, no payment not yet showing in my business account, my partner thinks if they did make payment it won't show because of the weekend, but I'm not sure. Will be ringing them again tomorrow.

You won't be cleaning again until theyve paid thought right?

starlingdarling · 05/06/2022 11:23

I don't understand why you're too scared to ask for your salary. It would take me a grand total of 3 minutes to pay you with my banking app and always lands in the account that day (usually within an hour or so) regardless of bank holidays or weekends. If you quietly wait she's going to assume paying you late isn't a big deal.

Buttonjugs · 05/06/2022 12:37

Chocolateismyfavourite · 03/06/2022 08:41

I'm having a similar problem, except we aren't friends. I'm a self employed cleaner and this one client hasn't paid me. This is the third month I've been going and last month there was an issue, but not as late as this and she asked me to invoice her husband instead as she just forwards the email and he pays. I have a strict pay within seven days of receiving the invoice policy, on day seven I contacted her. Took two days for a reply. She said he had been working away for a week and it was the first day that theyd spent together as a family, he checked email hadnt received it, checked junk after I suggested nothing..another two days to reply to my request to resend his email to make sure it was correct, it was, resent, attached invoice into the what's app conversation, nothing, no reply. Have sent another message asking for payment, again no reply or payment.
I've tried ringing, it doesn't get answered - they are in the middle of nowhere and signal dodgy but I have tried. She'll come up with an excuse, she's very flakey, polite, but arrgh, just pay the bill!! I'm taking a print out of the next one, and then applying a late fee I think.

I wouldn’t be going back, the stress of this would make it untenable. Get another client who does pay.

Buttonjugs · 05/06/2022 12:42

LimpBiskit · 03/06/2022 11:39

? What criteria? I know a couple of nannies who are self employed. It's not a complicated concept.

Show quote history

What? Of course Nannies can be self employed.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/06/2022 12:48

A self employed nanny could decide what hours they work, choose their own holiday dates, how much they charge, how they discipline DC, what they feed them, what activities they do etc etc.

I can't see many parents taking a nanny on that basis.

wellhelloitsme · 05/06/2022 12:52

how they discipline DC, what they feed them

Surely this isn't part of the definition of being self employed.

A childminder can be self employed and still agree to stick to a diet the parent approves of.

I'm self employed and still have client directed elements of my job.

Everything I write is approved by them and within their brand guidelines, not up to me.

I can run a client's social media page but not have the freedom to post what I like.

I can do their PR but I'm not allowed to provide comment to the press on their behalf without approval on every word I say.

I can manage a team as a freelancer but not have any control over the disciplinary procedures I have to adhere to..:

Chocolateismyfavourite · 05/06/2022 13:48

Yes I won't be going back if not paid, if she does pay before I'm due to go again ( missed a visit because of the bank holiday) I will go, with a print out of the invoice so I know it's actually there, and if it happens then I won't be going again. It is to stressful to be going through this every month.

whowhatwerewhy · 05/06/2022 14:08

www.nannypaye.co.uk/can-a-nanny-be-self-employed

kerosene20 · 05/06/2022 14:12

Chocolateismyfavourite · 05/06/2022 13:48

Yes I won't be going back if not paid, if she does pay before I'm due to go again ( missed a visit because of the bank holiday) I will go, with a print out of the invoice so I know it's actually there, and if it happens then I won't be going again. It is to stressful to be going through this every month.

You should say you won’t be back unless they pay the outstanding amount and the next invoice in advance. If it’s not paid 24hrs before the clean it’s cancelled and the non payment will be referred to the small claims court!

lovesweetlovesweet · 05/06/2022 14:42

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 02/06/2022 21:58

A bit of an overreaction on your behalf. It’s probably slipped her mind and she will be very embarrassed.

Exactly. Just contact her and it could be sorted in minutes.

Chocolateismyfavourite · 05/06/2022 17:24

@kerosene20 I will do that Thanks. She has within the last hour replied to me, claiming, she had only just seen my message I sent Thursday ( it was read yesterday morning) that she thought her husband had paid me, but that he still hadn't received the email - I'd attached it into whatspp so there was no issue of them not ever having the invoice - ( he has Hotmail and claims he hasn't got it nor is it in junk - that she was sorry and hope it hadn't caused problems, that she'll consider setting up a direct debit every month. But I'm not sure how that'll work as some weeks are a five week month, so in amongst my reply in wich I made it clear I wasn't happy - but stayed civil - I said I would have a think about wich payment method would be best moving forward and would get back to her. We'll see if the money appears because it hasn't yet, despite ' I'll get him to transfer it straight away'

MRex · 05/06/2022 17:41

@Chocolateismyfavourite - you can get a weekly DD set up, that may work best.

Chocolateismyfavourite · 05/06/2022 17:47

@MRex yep I was just talking to a friend who said the same as you. Thanks 👍