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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset my friend hasn’t paid me ?

213 replies

Germanpandalover1987 · 02/06/2022 21:46

I’m a nanny for my friend’s little girl and she was due to pay me yesterday on the 1st but she hasn’t so I think she will pay me next Monday (because of the bank holidays+ weekend) and I’ll get zero apology for the lateness. I won’t ask her because I don’t want things to be awkward between us but I’m upset with her. Its not the first time she doesn’t pay me on time. Would you also be upset or just let it go because she is a friend ? Thank you

OP posts:
Sushi7 · 03/06/2022 04:23

How many hours of childcare have you provided that she hasn’t paid for? Next time, ask people to pay you in advance. If you provide nanny services for someone more than once a month then they pay you at the start of the month. Even if it’s just one day, you don’t leave your house until they’ve paid you for that day. You need to speak up - a polite firm text requesting the money today.

amylou8 · 03/06/2022 04:30

Does she pay you by standing order? If she does she'll have instructed her bank to pay in on 1st, but because it's a bank holiday it won't be processed until Monday.

bevelino · 03/06/2022 04:31

Hutchy16 · 03/06/2022 00:06

She might not know you don’t have it. If she has a standing order then it won’t send until the next working day.

i get rent every Friday, but when it’s a bank holiday it doesn’t come in until the Monday

The OP was due to be paid on 01 June. There is no excuse for being paid late and the friend is taking advantage.

expat101 · 03/06/2022 04:37

amylou8 · 03/06/2022 04:30

Does she pay you by standing order? If she does she'll have instructed her bank to pay in on 1st, but because it's a bank holiday it won't be processed until Monday.

100%.

Banks don't process transfers during public holidays unless its the same bank (at least where I live) or it was done earlier on the working day.

I would consider this before having a shot at the friend. She may well have transferred the money.

NotBabiesForLong · 03/06/2022 04:40

Send a polite, concise businesslike message as others have suggested requesting payment.

From a practical point of view regarding your business, use a sumup card reader or PayPal, which allows you to send email request for payment. You can use this in future when payment isn't received. The customer can then click the link and make payment. Very simple for the customer to pay.

You incur a very small fee for this transaction. But you would also have the opportunity to add a late payment charge to the invoice.

It is really simple to set up and would be business like and help avoid personal emotions maybe.

PrescriptionOnlyMedicine · 03/06/2022 04:48

expat101 · 03/06/2022 04:37

100%.

Banks don't process transfers during public holidays unless its the same bank (at least where I live) or it was done earlier on the working day.

I would consider this before having a shot at the friend. She may well have transferred the money.

Show quote history

The 1st wasn’t a bank holiday though.

oopsfellover · 03/06/2022 05:05

As you have a business arrangement with her I think you need to put a different ‘hat’ on as they say- not friendship for the purposes of this. Text her, ask her to transfer the money today. And tell her that in general you’ll need to be paid on time.

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 03/06/2022 05:10

As a PP said, the 1st wasn't a Bank Holiday and standing orders and direct debits went out as usual, so that can't be the reason for her tardiness.

LongLiveLiz · 03/06/2022 05:35

If the money isn’t showing Monday morning message her. I had to have a word with my DD about paying her landlord as she thought as long as it was received on the date it was ok to transfer the money late in the afternoon/evening. I explained if her rent is due on the 15th she needs to pay by that date and worst case scenario is that it’s there first thing on the due date. Your friend is not being fair to you as you will have financial obligations. Is there anything in the contract about late payment of fees where you can remind her this time and enforce if it happens again?

coffeecupsandfairylights · 03/06/2022 05:35

Hutchy16 · 03/06/2022 00:06

She might not know you don’t have it. If she has a standing order then it won’t send until the next working day.

i get rent every Friday, but when it’s a bank holiday it doesn’t come in until the Monday

June 1st was Wednesday - a normal working day for everyone so there's no reason the money wouldn't have been sent to OP.

SmartieRants · 03/06/2022 06:27

amylou8 · 03/06/2022 04:30

Does she pay you by standing order? If she does she'll have instructed her bank to pay in on 1st, but because it's a bank holiday it won't be processed until Monday.

Where was the 1st a bank holiday?

Sugarplumfairy65 · 03/06/2022 06:30

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 02/06/2022 21:58

A bit of an overreaction on your behalf. It’s probably slipped her mind and she will be very embarrassed.

Would you think it was an over reaction if your employer didn't bother paying you ?

Sugarplumfairy65 · 03/06/2022 06:33

NotBabiesForLong · 03/06/2022 04:40

Send a polite, concise businesslike message as others have suggested requesting payment.

From a practical point of view regarding your business, use a sumup card reader or PayPal, which allows you to send email request for payment. You can use this in future when payment isn't received. The customer can then click the link and make payment. Very simple for the customer to pay.

You incur a very small fee for this transaction. But you would also have the opportunity to add a late payment charge to the invoice.

It is really simple to set up and would be business like and help avoid personal emotions maybe.

Don't be ridiculous. The op shouldn't have to pay a transaction fee to be paid her salary. Its just as easy for her friend to do what shes supposed to and pay by bank transfer

Vikinga · 03/06/2022 06:34

You need to message her! This is your salary and you have to pay bills. Most of my direct debits come out the 1st of the month, like I would assume many people's.

NotSorry · 03/06/2022 06:43

OP I had an employer who was a friend and she used to give me cheques for my wages knowing they.’d bounce - she didn’t care. added to that was a lot of other poor behaviour as well as being a pathological liar. After she bounced my wages for the umpteenth time I decided enough was enough and resigned. We’re no longer friends. Nip this in the bud and don’t be embarrassed about doing so.

Trifecta · 03/06/2022 06:50

When I was young (19) I would mind a family friend’s toddlers three nights a week so she could go to the gym. She conveniently “forgot” to pay me on Friday and then the next Friday only paid for the current week. I was so unassertive then, and said nothing. What a ninny I was. She knew exactly what she’d done in shorting me a week’s pay. I should have asked for the money the day it was due. Fortunately I grew up and don’t take it anymore!

JennyForeigner · 03/06/2022 07:08

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 02/06/2022 21:58

A bit of an overreaction on your behalf. It’s probably slipped her mind and she will be very embarrassed.

That's not good enough. We have a nanny and childcare costs. Our nanny has a mortgage and car payments and other things that come out on the 1st. Doesn't everyone?

Forgetting can really f* people over financially. It's not the act of a friend, especially when it is not the first time.

SafelySoftly · 03/06/2022 07:11

@NotBabiesForLong that is a crazy suggestion. The OP is a nanny and therefore, unless this a tax dodge should be classed as PAYE with tax/NI deducted. Let’s hope this is above board….

NotBabiesForLong · 03/06/2022 07:39

SafelySoftly · 03/06/2022 07:11

@NotBabiesForLong that is a crazy suggestion. The OP is a nanny and therefore, unless this a tax dodge should be classed as PAYE with tax/NI deducted. Let’s hope this is above board….

Sorry, that is my confusion, I was assuming she operated as a self employed childminder, possibly with several clients.

NU08 · 03/06/2022 07:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

itsgettingweird · 03/06/2022 07:57

Ask her to set up a SO for the amount each month on the 1st.

If your hours aren't set in stone ask she sets up a SO for the amount of minimal hours you do and then lays you any extra by BACS.

Just be honest and say that your bills will come out from the 1st and if she can't pay on the date agreed you'll have to look for a job that does.

It's an awkward conversation but I'm sure she'd be unhappy if her employer paid her Willy nilly at some point near the beginning of the month!

BalloonsAndWhistles · 03/06/2022 08:03

I wouldn’t be all polite about ‘it must be something with your bank’

It isn’t. She just hasn’t paid.

Say. ‘Hi XX. Could you please transfer me the £xx that is owed for xx completed on xx by the end of the day as agreed. Thanks’

BalloonsAndWhistles · 03/06/2022 08:05

Sugarplumfairy65 · 03/06/2022 06:33

Don't be ridiculous. The op shouldn't have to pay a transaction fee to be paid her salary. Its just as easy for her friend to do what shes supposed to and pay by bank transfer

Show quote history

Could always add the transaction fee to the cost of the bill?

Fraaahnces · 03/06/2022 08:11

I would remind her a couple of days before your payday. I’m sure your financial commitments are as pressing as hers.

Brefugee · 03/06/2022 08:18

Ask her if she's forgotten. Remind her about late fees.
If you don't have an agreement for late fees time to revise your arrangement.