To let upset DS put himself to bed

[llibrollibre]

DS (nearly 8) has been faffing about all evening instead of getting ready for bed. It seems to be happening more and more. It got to the point tonight where DH and I both ended up shouting at him out of sheer frustration (and probably hunger - DH and I were planning to eat dinner together after said child was in bed) which led to him bursting into tears and saying he hates us etc.

Usually we read a couple stories with DS then sing a few songs, then leave the room. Tonight we've had enough and just told him to put himself to bed.

AIBU to have done this? It feels really cruel but I don't think either of us could have happily put him to bed. 😫We spent all day together though so it's not like we haven't had time together.

*gold

@LuckySantangelo35 I can't help imagining that they sing 'killing me softly' by the Fugees like in the film About a Boy

Just to drop in and say that poor lad's body was found... Really hit a nerve.

Hope you get a better /easier routine going soon op.
My ds is 7 and we still have stories. Though if I started singing I assume he would laugh too much to sleep!

Aaah, parent guilt! Been there, done that. I soon learned that children being upset is natural, OK, and won't harm them in the long run. Just like it's good for them to be bored sometimes and not constantly entertained, because it's called having a good balance. Otherwise, later on in life, they will he conditioned to think that everything smells like roses, nobody is allowed to offens or criticise them, and they'll end up with no coping strategies.

You're fine, OP. Let him sleep it off. He'll forget by morning and be back to faffing about like my 9yr old son does (Don't even get me started on my girls. Especially the smelly teenager and her pit of despair.)

Get yourself sorted, who on earth is the adult in this family? You sound like a were lettuce.

Stories and songs at nearly 8? At this age I would expect a DC - in response to prompting - to get himself ready (pyjamas, brush teeth etc), read to himself in bed and then just have a quick goodnight kiss/cuddle at lights out time. Work on independence generally and your evenings should improve!

Stories and songs at nearly 8? At this age I would expect a DC - in response to prompting - to get himself ready (pyjamas, brush teeth etc), read to himself in bed and then just have a quick goodnight kiss/cuddle at lights out time. Work on independence generally and your evenings should improve!

Can’t you explain if you want to read a story and be tucked in etc you need to be ready by x time. If not you have to do it yourself/ we’ll pop in briefly (obviously worded better for a child)
Then you don’t have to stress or be mad or anything else

obviously also giving a cut off of when he has to be in bed regardless.

Perhaps you could encourage him to be happy amusing himself a bit, as the constant interaction must be really tiring. That way he will be able to read or play himself in his room for a while before going to sleep?

I get frustrated with my nearly 4 year old but could never let him go to bed upset. I’d have to sort it before bed.. go check on him and give him a kiss and a cuddle. Annoying as they are… he’s a child.

My son passed away in his sleep due to an undiagnosed heart condition. Very dramatic I know - but I know the last words he heard were I love you. There’s no way on earth I would shout at my 7 year old and then leave them overnight. You lost control - you, the adult! I hope you both went in and apologised for getting angry, and told him you loved him. Bedtime needs reviewing as others have said. Even with my teenagers, I apologise if I lose my temper with them. Yes it’s them pushing my buttons, but I’m trying to show them the correct way to manage relationships, and it works both ways.

Who on God's earth is putting their 8YO to bed at 8pm in the school holidays? That's why he's fighting against you.

Plenty of 8yo go to bed at/before 8pm, all of mine did anyway.

My daughter is 9 and she reads to herself. I got her a kindle during the 2nd lockdown as she loves reading. Not sure about the singing, bedtime routines should be for winding down.
Just remember you are the adult and shouting at children is never right, they learn by example. It is better to take half an hour off the bedtime tomorrow, worked a charm for my older children.

So sorry to hear this ❤️ OP did go in and apologise, never go to sleep on an argument is very true and especially poignant in the case of your son.

My 9 year old went to bed at 8 yesterday, he goes to bed even earlier on a week night, I didn’t realise it was an awful thing 😂 He didn’t have a issue with it and certainly wasn’t missing out on anything.

I would never let my little one go to bed upset because I have too many memories of crying alone in bed as a child. And it sounds like part of your frustration is due to looking forward to dinner with your partner, that’s hardly his fault.

So sorry to hear this.

I lost both my parents when I was a child and I tell my DS17 I love him at every bedtime, every time he leaves the house, and end of every phone call, for that very reason.

I don't believe in sending children to bed. At his age he should be able to undress himself.

What is wrong with reading an 8 year old child a bedtime story?!

@orwellwasright i am literally crying with laughter, thank you 😂😂😂😭

Or..... Will give them a love of songs and music.

Usually we read a couple stories with DS then sing a few songs

Your post sounds like your child is 4 rather than a nearly 8 year old. I think you should be encouraging him to be more independent at his age, that sounds like an exhausting performance for every evening!

I’m going to confess that I occasionally sing to my nearly 9 year old at bedtime. So what if people find it ridiculous - it’s not like anyone else has to listen to me.

@Sewannoying please share with the group which songs you sing???