To let upset DS put himself to bed

[llibrollibre]

DS (nearly 8) has been faffing about all evening instead of getting ready for bed. It seems to be happening more and more. It got to the point tonight where DH and I both ended up shouting at him out of sheer frustration (and probably hunger - DH and I were planning to eat dinner together after said child was in bed) which led to him bursting into tears and saying he hates us etc.

Usually we read a couple stories with DS then sing a few songs, then leave the room. Tonight we've had enough and just told him to put himself to bed.

AIBU to have done this? It feels really cruel but I don't think either of us could have happily put him to bed. 😫We spent all day together though so it's not like we haven't had time together.

I read to my 9 year old and he likes me to make one of his toys ‘sing’ a song I’ve made up 😂

Go and check up on him. Apologise and say I didn’t mean to shout but we are so tired and haven’t eaten. Do you want to come downstairs for something to eat with us Next time just let him join you for a meal as it’s easier. I remember when my son was little it was awful trying to get him to sleep. It’s exhausting so don’t be too hard on yourself we have all been where you are now.

Op I’ve certainly had nights where my tiredness has overrun past my dcs bedtimes and they’re still pissing about. They’re kids, it happens. I have inwardly sworn and cursed etc, but you’ve made good now.
Dh or I will often still read to ds, he’s 10 and perfectly capable of reading to himself but every now and again he decides he’d like a chapter book read to him. We all actually really enjoy it, it’s a nice part of an evening. It’s not all the time, perhaps one week out of a month, other than that he gets told to do pyjamas and teeth and that he can read for 30 minutes before one of us goes to tuck him in. Dh thinks this part is bonkers, still tucking him in at his age but we still as adults usually give each other a kiss goodnight and it’s just an extension of that.

So his bedtime is 8pm? And at 8:26pm you posted?

Why are parents still putting an 8 year old to bed? Strange what parents today think is normal, but probably the reason we have do many woke young people who can't think for themselves. At 8, I was expected to put two brothers to bed and then get myself to bed. At 10, it was 3 brothers. At 12, 3 brothers and a sister. Left home at 17 completely independent!

Poor lad bless him. Yes yabu!

@Mirw

The way you was treated is not the way of the world !

@Mirw and then do a 12 hour shift down the pit I bet.

Completely agree! The way people are molly coddling their kids here is ridiculous!

So comforting your upset child is mollycoddling now is it? Pathetic view.

I'm sorry your parents took advantage of you like that.

Deciding not to use your young child as an unpaid nanny doesn't make you woke, it makes you a normal parent.

@hangrylady

child is upset because he’s been told off for messing about

children can and should be upset sometimes when adults correct their behaviour.

it won’t hurt then - its good for them, it’s how they learn

I was down t'pit at age 6, lazybones 😄

Seriously though, lay off the kid, if he likes a cuddle and a song at age 8 who cares? With Ukraine and God knows what going on, just knowing our kids are happy and safe in their beds is amazing. Stop judging.

OP you're going for way too early a bedtime.

Absolutely. But withholding affection should never be a form of punishment. In my house kids get a bollocking, then we move on. Nobody goes to bed upset. You do things your way and I'll do things mine.

Bless you

Gosh where do all these saintly parents with endless reserves of patience live?! Because I’m fairly sure I’ve never bumped into one in real life 🤔

My eldest is much younger and knows that if he mucks about, we will ‘run out of time’ for the fun/ancillary elements of bedtime. It pains me not to read him a story on the odd night it happens, but there we go. We would genuinely be there all night if we pandered to his every whim and faff. Fairly sure he knows we love him dearly though.

Actions do have consequences for everyone in life.

Bloody hell. Classic MN - putting a wean to bed at 8 years old is OTT because PP ha 13 siblings and put them all to bed by 10pm then did a 12 hour shift.

Oops sorry. Got far too excited and didnt click the right thread.

I think at 8 he's pretty old to be read a story and be put to bed to be honest. At 8 I'd have being told to go to bed.

I always ate with the kids then they went to bed. We don't live in the Uk do that's normal here. Supper was pretty early for a long time..

Where were your parents while you were doing all that?