To let upset DS put himself to bed

[llibrollibre]

DS (nearly 8) has been faffing about all evening instead of getting ready for bed. It seems to be happening more and more. It got to the point tonight where DH and I both ended up shouting at him out of sheer frustration (and probably hunger - DH and I were planning to eat dinner together after said child was in bed) which led to him bursting into tears and saying he hates us etc.

Usually we read a couple stories with DS then sing a few songs, then leave the room. Tonight we've had enough and just told him to put himself to bed.

AIBU to have done this? It feels really cruel but I don't think either of us could have happily put him to bed. 😫We spent all day together though so it's not like we haven't had time together.

Dear me. You’re happy to gang up on and shout at your child until they cry and then send them to bed alone to punish them for you losing your temper, but now you are saying you are really a kind and sensitive soul that cannot handle reading a few hard truths stating that this was a parenting fail. Crocodile tears.

The fact he's 7 makes it worse. a toddler doesn't have the cognitive understanding to know he is not wanted.
they're not being unreasonable to expect that but they are to rush him and shout at him.

Btw , you can't have it both ways - he's not a toddler yet the OP runs about afer him all day (when he's at school) yet the boy gets himself ready for bed, what does she do exactly?

I'm sorry, which part of what I said wasn't true?

Not wanted 😱 You are being vicious.

Just remembering something about the first and last 3 minutes of the day being the most important, I would definitely go to him. It’s only one night, don’t beat yourself up.

Have you actually given any advice to the OP or did you just pop in to respond to all of my posts despite the fact many others have said similar?

He wasn't wanted at the time. That's a fact. That's why htey shouted at him.

YABU

It is awful as a kid to be shipped off to bed for no reason apart from your parents wanting you out the way. At 8pm it is still light, warmish and it is the Jubilee long weekend.

@Overthewine I have kids in y4 that can't accurately tell the time. All kids are different.

Agreed, some senior school kids can’t tell the time let alone an 8 year old

My 27 year old brother can’t tell the time 🤣

A good way to get them focussed is set a timer

This! You allow a set time for bedtime (20 or 30 minutes), and any faffing about is on their time. This is how they learn, this is what good parents do, they teach their DCs about managing life skills, which includes teaching them that parents have a point of no return too, sometimes.

One bumpy bedtime is not going to destroy your relationship with your DS, in spite of all the judgey, know it all, finger wagging vipers on this thread. God there are some real fucking hypocrites on Mumsnet.

It's a bank holiday today...so presumably this child hasn't been in school all day because schools are shut but has been at home having fun with his parents.

We've been to two parties today, we've played in the garden, had the paddling-pool out, had constant fun and games... it doesn't feel unreasonable to stop the fun at 8pm and say, actually now it's time for the adults to have some peace and quiet.

No hunny, you started on me and another poster.

an OP shouts at a child and you think its OK and im the bully? fab.

So he has to go to bed early and isn't allowed to join in even though he's off tomorrow. That seems fair.

Stopping the 'fun' is fine - shouting and bawling at him to get him to leave is not.

I'm sorry but this is just funny considering the tone of some replies I've had to my original post.

Spot on. There are some nasty yet sanctimonious characters posting on this thread.

you need to discuss his behaviour with him

Disagree, @Oldfilmsareshit . There's such a thing as too much discussion, especially at bedtime. I have every bad and good parenting badge under the sun, and in this situation, @llibrollibre , I'd write it off as a bad evening. I'd probably go up and say goodnight and I love you (or whatever thing you normally say to him - I had different 'special' things I said to each child at bedtime), and leave it at that. Tomorrow is another day for all of you.

And you carry on singing and reading for as long as your son will go with it. We carried on with our youngest (of several) child until she was about 10 because we knew we'd never get to do it again. She's now an adult and I still occasionally read her one of her 'baby' bedtime stories if the world is getting too much for her.

I didn’t mean my post to come across arsey op. I meant it as in, mine puts herself to bed pretty much every night. So I’m sure yours will be fine for one night!

Why can't he stay up a bit later on a bank holiday ? 😕

I think you should all apologise and make up before sleep. Then tomorrow is another day. It's a horrible feeling to go to bed upset, and to wake up upset.

And perhaps take advantage of half term and the Bank Holiday weekend to have dinner together as a family?

He’s nearly 8! You seriously don’t need to sing to him or read a couple of stories! A chapter of a book maybe, if it’s a particularly challenging read. My 7yo has a shower, does her teeth, hers intu bed and reads her book. I pop in and say good night after about half an hour and tell her to switch her light off. You sound like you baby him a bit.. one post even talked about leaving him ton”self settle”?! As opposed to what?? Breastfeeding him to sleep!? Op it’s fine. He was being a pain, he needs to get into bed, end of.

It was 8.30 in the school holidays (bank holiday)
Abit harsh imo op