To let upset DS put himself to bed

[llibrollibre]

DS (nearly 8) has been faffing about all evening instead of getting ready for bed. It seems to be happening more and more. It got to the point tonight where DH and I both ended up shouting at him out of sheer frustration (and probably hunger - DH and I were planning to eat dinner together after said child was in bed) which led to him bursting into tears and saying he hates us etc.

Usually we read a couple stories with DS then sing a few songs, then leave the room. Tonight we've had enough and just told him to put himself to bed.

AIBU to have done this? It feels really cruel but I don't think either of us could have happily put him to bed. 😫We spent all day together though so it's not like we haven't had time together.

Exactly, all wrapped up with a poisonous bow of faux concern 🤮

I think there are some crazy responses on here. This child is clearly given sufficient attention. The lesson he's going to take from this isn't "I'm unwanted" but "If I mess about at bedtime, mummy and daddy will get cross". Personally I wouldn't have fought this one... I would have said out of sight, out of mind, here's a film and don't let me see you downstairs. But making the OP out to be an uncaring emotionally neglectful parent for losing her rag is really a bit much.

😒

Unless you are the perfect parents then everyone at some point will raise their voice or shout at their child if they are not doing what you have asked

the odd time I have got cross with my 4/5yr as mucking about at bedtime. She gets a warning. Carry on and no story

usually this is enough But once it wasn’t so I carried it through

so wee teeth etx

but no story

but she got a cuddle and kiss. Always gets this plus I love you , see you in the morning etx

so yes op was harsh for send to bed without a kiss and cuddle

but her son is older

glad @llibrollibre uou went up and kissed him before he went to sleep

my mum god bless her soul once told me
3 things

never go to bed on an argument

never leave washing up to do following day

never tell me you argued with dh as you will forgive him but I won’t forget

Because they wanted their dinner without him,a nd made that pretty bloody clear to him.

And?! There’s nothing wrong with a child knowing that their parents lives don’t completely revolve around them ffs. Have you ever met a child who’s parents revolve completely around them? They’re usually spoilt brats.

Try setting a timer for bedtime. 10 minutes to brush teeth and put pajamas on. If the timer goes off and he's not ready, he 'loses' 1 page of a story for every minute of faffing about.

I know that.

But there's ways and means of doing things. The child doesn't need it spelled out!

@minutesturntohours I don't even know where to start with the amount of projection coming from your posts towards the OP. Give over.

I think you need to reflect on your own experiences and see how much of your childhood is influencing the crap you're coming out with.

Batshit.

Setting the child up for a lifetime of abusive relationships.

I think you need to butt out and stop overstepping the mark about my own life. Thanks.

The child doesn't need it spelled out!

They do.

I think you need to butt out and stop overstepping the mark about my own life. Thanks.

Whereas it's absolutely fine for you to come on here and target the OP, rewrite the narrative and be horrid to her?

Where did I rewrite the narrative? What have i said that's not true?

I'm not being horrible, I'm also not 'targeting' her - you're targeting me. I'm not being horrid either. I'm not suggesting for one second that OP (and her husband) don't love their son and aren't brilliant parents.

What I am saying is that small actions like that that can make children feel unwanted and set off a cycle. It's all about tone. ANd yes, I know all about the consequences of that - (it wasn't me, btw). I work with children and I hear their voices every day of how they are made to feel. It sinks in and it can affect their esteem their whole life.

Thanks for the adivce tho - do you plan to go through all the other posts that said the same (and worse) than me? You could start with the one where I pulled up another poster for being out of order to the OP.

I don’t want to sound too harsh here: You are right to think it seems cruel. Half 8 on a bank holiday is also a bit mean imo. Also, singing songs before bed time? This seems a strange bedtime activity at nearly 8 years old. I’d apologise for shouting at him and explain that it was wrong of you (otherwise you’re teaching him that shouting is the way to deal with frustration for something as simple as being hungry. Him shouting back seems to confirm this) but also explain that he really needs to listen when/if you say it’s time for bed as you’re the parent

You said he wasn't wanted and implied the OP doesn't love him. Both statements are horrible.

I work with children and have children of my own. That's not a magic trump card.

Kids need to know when they overstep, otherwise they grow up without boundaries and become self centred people. DS overstepped tonight, he should have gone to bed and didn't.

Cba with the other posts, yours stuck out the most.

Fucking hell 😂
I meant metaphorically, not literally losing a page from his book.
He will be losing one minute of bedtime story for every minute of dicking about

Losing 1 minute at bedtime = abusive relationship when older.

The most MN equation of all time.

He was probably over-tired if he was up early this morning and that's why he shouted/ was emotional. My DC can be a complete nightmare around bedtime if he gets too tired. Letting kids stay up is not always the sensible or kind option if actually they need to sleep.

Didn't say it was a trump card. I said it's not about me, as you seemed to imply.

I never, ever implied the OP doesn't love him, that's an outright lie.

But she did make him feel like he wasn't wanted, intentionally or not.

Ah, did it? more than the one that referenced a 20 year olds suicide? brilliant.

TIMING a child and punishing them if they dont fit it -

How do you think people get away with punishing partners if they're late home/the dinner's not ready/ they dont respond to texts in time?

Your son learned that if he pushes people to their limits they sometimes lose their temper. Valuable life lesson.

OP, and @Hercisback , i genuinely am sorry if you think I was harsh. Never my intention. I do feel strongly about children (anyone) feeling unwanted, I just do.

We all have our achilles heel.

Ah, did it? more than the one that referenced a 20 year olds suicide? brilliant.

Reported that one as it was so irrelevant.

Again with the projection re timers. They're used all the time (haha) in schools. Things like bed time, getting dressed, need doing in a timely manner. There has to be a consequence if kids aren't doing what you want. Projecting that onto abusive behaviour in adult relationships is a leap.

Just saw your apology. I hope the OP appreciates it.

There's a difference between feeling unwanted all the time and a one off. Kids don't react like you say unless it's a regular thing. If they've mentioned it, it isn't a one off.