To let upset DS put himself to bed

[llibrollibre]

DS (nearly 8) has been faffing about all evening instead of getting ready for bed. It seems to be happening more and more. It got to the point tonight where DH and I both ended up shouting at him out of sheer frustration (and probably hunger - DH and I were planning to eat dinner together after said child was in bed) which led to him bursting into tears and saying he hates us etc.

Usually we read a couple stories with DS then sing a few songs, then leave the room. Tonight we've had enough and just told him to put himself to bed.

AIBU to have done this? It feels really cruel but I don't think either of us could have happily put him to bed. 😫We spent all day together though so it's not like we haven't had time together.

Gosh I'd forgotten how perfect so many people on Mumsnet are 😂Must be wonderful to never make mistakes or lose your temper!

Thank you to those who gave empathetic advice!

We eat together 6 nights out of 7. Once a week we eat after he goes to bed. Not a crime. 😂

Yes, he may have to start going to bed later. It's difficult keeping him up beyond 8 or so because he wakes at the crack of dawn regardless and wants constant interaction if he's up with us.

Yes, we read together. It's mutually enjoyable. Yes, we sing. Also mutually enjoyable.

I went up and gave him a cuddle and apologised. Thank you to those of you who made me feel less alone. 💛

The poor boy! Shipped off to bed so you can have dinner without him, and two grown adults shouted at him? the soul!!

Next time I’d be saying to your DS that he needs to be ready for bed by a certain time, even if he can’t tell the time you can show him how to know when it’s that time, and if not then say you won’t be doing stories etc but I’d still always do a cuddle and say night night

We’ve all been there, so although what happened wasn’t ideal, don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s probably just the kick up the backside to review your routines and consider what you can do differently next time frustration starts to rise. I do hope you went and gave him a wee cuddle though.

Gosh I'd forgotten how perfect so many people on Mumsnet are 😂Must be wonderful to never make mistakes or lose your temper

literally not one person on this thread has said they never lose their temper or make a mistake. What people have (mostly) unanimously said is that it’s cruel to not apologise and then withhold love as a punishment for normal behaviour. You must have thought it was a pretty big deal too or you wouldn’t have posted.

Yes, I have responded a couple posts above

I’d have popped in begged and kissed him good night

I felt bad, obviously, and needed to vent and get some other perspectives. The way people make such harsh judgements is totally uncalled for though, with these holier-than-thou attitudes coming through.

My 7 year old is just going to bed now! Its half term/bank holiday! Let him live a little! Also have dinner earlier as a family. Why would you leave your child out?

You got perspectives. It’s just they weren’t the ones you wanted so now you accuse people of being ‘holier than thou.’ Re-read the posts. Absolutely no-one has said it’s wrong to get frustrated, lose your temper etc it’s what you do after that counts

I recall an older mother saying when my two were young that they start by going to bed quite early, they are then staying up longer, then they go to bed when you go, then they stay up later than you and eventually you're in bed waiting for them to come home from a night out!

Unfair

Always remember, MN is full of people who have never made a mistake with their children, in their own minds. 'Of course dear, if you say so' is often my mental reaction to what I read here.

Not true. There are kinder ways to convey disagreement or give conflicting opinions without a judgemetal or harsh tone. Maybe I'm too sensitive!

It’d be fecking weird if you were in their house, bizarre.

None of your replies to posts have helped me feel any happier for your little boy OP. I truly hope that the RL you is a softer, less reactive and less brittle person than you've shown here. 💐

I felt bad, obviously, and needed to vent and get some other perspectives. The way people make such harsh judgements is totally uncalled for though, with these holier-than-thou attitudes coming through.

Everyone fucks up. It happens. What's important is to admit it,apologise and then look at what happened and why so you can do better next time. It's also important to remember that you are the adult and the buck ultimately stops with you, not the child.

You will fuck up again(everyone does), it's best to try and prevent it, but at least you know talking and apologising is the way to fix it.

🤣

We're in the same awkward bedtime age stage, bedtime is later now (half 8) but a bedtime routine still desired. I'm about done with parenting by them! So no advice, just solidarity. I think you did the right thing going in for a hug.

😂
I'm sorry but this is just funny considering the tone of some replies I've had to my original post.

:D

Problem?

I don't find a wee boy being made to feel unwanted and in the way and then scared funny, do you? I hope you're not a parent

@Needanotherholidayasap, bit much

It's fine, he'll be fine. He's 7 not a distraught toddler. I think YABU to expect him to go to sleep when he's not tired but YANBU to expect him to get ready for bed and send him upstairs so you can eat an adult meal together. If my 5yo couldn't sleep and DH and I wanted to eat together at the weekend, we'd just stick a movie on in our room and let him watch that in our bed (assuming it's not a school night). But I think it's fine for your DC to understand that you get tired and need time to yourselves after running around after him all day.

'Bank holidays don't mean 8 year olds stay up later than normal, especially if allowing them that bit of freedom means they stop doing as they're told.'

Oh right, well in my house children are also allowed to enjoy things in life and aren't expected to act like robots.