To ask husband that we do seperate washing

[Cremant31]

I’m cracking under the weight of domestic chores. I am constantly doing washing for me, my husband and our baby.

Despite several polite conversations with my husband, and him agreeing that he will do more, nothing changes. I don’t think he realises the effort that goes into washing drying sorting ironing clothes. Especially his work uniform!

I’ve asked twice before it we can do separate washing (I would do mine and our babies, all towels and bedding, he would simply have to do his own clothes), but he got all sulky and upset.

I’m going to broach it with him again this weekend. FYI I am finishing maternity leave and back to work on Monday.
AIBU to ask that we do separate washing?

@Hallyup89 yes I separate by colour, again how do you think single people manage? It doesn't take that long to build up enough for a load, maybe a week? It's no less efficient to do one load of mine and one of DHs or two loads of both of our stuff. We are still creating the same amount of stuff.

@Carrotten

It was the extra man's washing that I didnt get

Like men have more washing than women.

Why would you ask him? Just don’t do his.

oh and don’t do his meals either until you are actually functioning as a team and he is pulling his weight

Don't bloody ask him, TELL him how it's going to be. You aren't the scullery maid. I made my husband do his own cooking too. I dont have time to run around after lazy men.

I stopped doing DH’s washing about six months after we moved in together. He was so particular about he way he wanted his stuff handling, I just told him it’s best he would do it himself as life is too short.

i do mine and the kids, but that’s it. I don’t iron anything.

Can I ask, why did you even start doing his washing when you moved in?

@Topgub your being pedantic. We are talking about an extra man's laundry. Plus yes men's clothes tend to be bigger so tends to be more washing. There really wasnt the misogyny behind the comment that you are implying. It was a minor comment on a MN thread, I really didn't put too much thought into what I wrote. This is why posting on MN is just becoming more and more tiresome

Its hilarious!
This comes up on every washing thread .
For some reason they cant understand that you wash LESS not half loads.
Only doing my laundry is the best thing Ive ever done.
No I dont want to wash my DH pants and its bloody marvellous!

Not to mention all the separating and the folding and " have you washed my ..." bollocks.

He's a grown man and you're going back to work, too. He can sort his own clothes, especially the ironing, if he's not pulling his weight at home.

YABU, only because he should share the responsibility for doing the laundry. My DS does, 😇, largely because DIL insisted, (good for her!)

Your son only washing his own clothes becomes his wife makes him???

what is so wrong with how we raise boys that they think the nearest female should look after them?

I see it in work - men resenting being managed by women - calling female colleagues ‘good girls’ - expecting women to take minutes and make coffee.

there must be something we can do better, or stop doing, so we stop raising these entitled little princes.

I'd wash it but I'd let him iron whatever he needs ironing. Seems daft to use extra water and electricity etc and it's no more hassle really washing for 1 extra person. It would take longer picking his stuff out.

Don’t wash his anymore! DH and I have always done our washing separately.

Just tell him he’s washing his own, don’t ask him or get his view.

I've never done the washing and ironing for any man I've lived with, I'm a firm believer in separate washing baskets. The men I've lived with have always been last minute washers which means if we agreed to share it I would either end up without clean clothes or doing all the washing for both of us and given I've nearly always ended up doing all the shopping, most of the cooking and cleaning as well as the gardening I decided it was one more job I didn't need.

I wouldn't ask him to do his own, I would tell him you're not doing it anymore and then leave him to it and make sure you never allow yourself to become the solution to any washing emergency.

Buy a second basket. Stop doing his laundry. With the bedding, strip and wash the bedding, and then instruct your dp to make the beds. This is a very simple fix as nobody but his is affected by it. Ignore his pleasing when he does not do it.

then, take a close look at all the other household chores. Is he pulling his weight at all? If not you need to have a discussion starting with since youre back at work on monday it has suddenly become very apparent just how lazy he has become. Here are the daily and weekly household chores that need to be done. Here is a highlighter…

If your DH lived alone he would have to do laundry and clean so he should do it now.

It can be very wasteful however, to keep doubling up on washes when presumably a load could be the clothes you both wear ( we do ours together, just asking the other one if they have anything to add to coloureds/ white.)

I disagree with people saying it's easier to do his washing than seperate it. I can't see how anyone can even think that bearing in mind the amount of washing people generate. I know couples who do this. It seems a good idea to me but I can't help thinking he should likely be doing more round the house anyway aswell. Could he also be responsible for the hoovering and say emptying the dishwasher each morning?! I know easier said than done but I'd set a firm boundary at what I'm prepared to do.

During lockdown if I had some of my own clothes that needed to be done, and there were some of dh’s too I did them all. But that stopped when he decided to do a load of his and took My few things out and just washed his. I haven’t washed his for almost two years and it’s bliss. I work 12 hours a week but do everything around the house, all shopping planning and cleaning.

As a general rule, we don’t combine people’s laundry in the household. It’s just so much easier to keep everyone’s clothing separated. When there is a full load of one type for one person, it gets run. It saves so much time folding and putting away.

We do our own washing and have separate washing baskets. I have really sensitive skin and have to have special washing stuff that he says doesn’t get his clothes clean enough, so it is just simpler this way. I think it works really well, as you each know which clothes you want to wash/wear next.

I'm assuming all the people who ticked you are being unreasonable, did so because you have bigger problems.

You do have bigger problems. Some people do do separate laundry, but it won't in itself fix the fact that you are with a lazy bloke. He needs to step up as you are going back to work. Divvy up the chores, stick a list on the wall, and gradually hand them over until your working time (in and outside of the home) is evenly divided. He needs to take responsibility for ironing his own uniform - 100%.

He isn't going to do this voluntarily, so you are going to have to be tough on him. Sorry to say.

Why even ask him? Just stop doing it. If he gets sulky that's his problem.

Its not remotely wasteful as I only wash when I have a full load as does DH.