To ask husband that we do seperate washing

[Cremant31]

I’m cracking under the weight of domestic chores. I am constantly doing washing for me, my husband and our baby.

Despite several polite conversations with my husband, and him agreeing that he will do more, nothing changes. I don’t think he realises the effort that goes into washing drying sorting ironing clothes. Especially his work uniform!

I’ve asked twice before it we can do separate washing (I would do mine and our babies, all towels and bedding, he would simply have to do his own clothes), but he got all sulky and upset.

I’m going to broach it with him again this weekend. FYI I am finishing maternity leave and back to work on Monday.
AIBU to ask that we do separate washing?

Separating washing just gets complicated. As you are returning to FT work, you need to sit down and discuss who will be doing what. It may be that one does 100% of the washing, but then the other will do 100% of another time consuming chore.

Why are you asking his permission to stop skivvying for him? He's being a ridiculous manbaby, sulky and upset indeed. He's training you not to challenge him.

1. You don't need him to agree that he should do his own washing, just don't do it and let him deal with it.
2. My experience is that men have a lot more washing than most women ( I have a DH and 3 adult sons, and lived with a brother growing up.) For example, mine wear a clean tshirt and a shirt every day, as well as socks and pants. I wear clean underwear everyday and then a dress which I will wear several times before washing it. If I wear jeans and a top, they will not need washing after 1 wear. Sweaty men or those doing physical jobs might need 2 sets of clothes a day.So it's not actually the same amount of work for someone ( a woman) to do a man's washing i n the hoped they will sometimes do hers.
3. If you are at home all day, eg on ML or WFH, then doing the washing is easier for you and it seems fair that you could do it, assuming DH plays fair with everything else.
4. Ironing is a mugs game. My tip to you is don't do it, especially don't get involved in someone else's ironing. It's not a household chore, it's personal maintenance, and if your DH is interested in having his shirts looking freshly pressed, let him sort it out.
5. Surprisingly, it is really quick and easy to separate out someone else's washing from your own. But if you don't want to go rifling through his dirty pants, leave him with the normal washing bag/basket, and get something else for your self. Job done.

If he's working and you're off then it seems fair for you to do it. It is worth sitting down and deciding how things will be split when you go back to work.
If he refuses then leave - it will not get better and I promise you there will be less washing and less childacare then

Shouldn't he do half the baby stuff too?

Honestly if my DH never helped with the washing then if I was you, I'd just stop doing his altogether so he learns the hard way.

I'm sahp so I do most of the washing BUT I don't iron anything, also I:

-Only wash what's in the basket so if his dirty clothes are on the floor I never touch them. I won't pick his clothes up, ever.

-once the clothes are dry, I leave his in a half neat (ish) pile on his side of the bedroom and it's not my problem what he does with them. I don't fold his clothes, don't iron them, don't put them away.

And also, he does put a wash on here and there. Days when I haven't had time, if I ask, he does it without questions. Same in regards to putting the washing out/taking it in/or folding it away. When I ask, he does it and there are never arguments over it.

Rule of thumb, whoever is putting the washing away, puts it into individual piles. Respective spouse piles are left for us to sort. Kids' piles are moved into their rooms and one of us helps them put their clothes away.

So majority I'd say 70% of the washing I do but he helps the most by putting away often. And occasionally puts a wash on/hangs out if I ask.

If it's troubling you, stop doing it. And he can sort himself out. Sounds like he's being unhelpful/unreasonable/and ungrateful so he doesn't deserve to have his stuff washed.

He got sulky and upset?

fuck that

Only do this if you don’t care what happens to your clothes! Mine thought putting my linen trousers in the tumble dryer was a good idea and washed my favourite jumper on hot. He’s now forbidden to touch my clothes.

This I wish I'd read this post 17years ago. Ho hum

I clicked YABU because I don’t think this is the most practical solution. Instead, I think both of you should split the chores 50:50 and that means you each do a load of laundry a week (for example). Washing by colour is enough of a separation to manage - I’d find it a right faff to purposefully avoid DH’s things

Why do you have so much washing you can't cope with it?

If he's not pulling his weight you have bigger problems than washing but the first step would be to stop asking and start telling.

And stop doing anything for him if he won't contribute

Would I fuck be ironing his uniform

I hate ironing with a passion so the rule in our house is I sort the washing and DH irons.

Works for us as most of the ironing is DH's work shirts anyway.

Time wise it's pretty equal (as is our general allocation of chores).

Upshot is you need to nip this in the bud before you go back to work.

If that means just stopping sorting his clothes so be it.

You have been doing him a huge favour by doing his laundry. So, you want to ask him for permission to stop doing him a favour?

Just stop. Don't ask. Do your own laundry only from now on. When he complains, tell him he also needs to do 50% of all dc laundry, too. So if he wants to complain, he may as well have the full picture of what's changed.

You are not his maid or his mummy. If he makes even one noise about this making him feel less loved or cared for, point out that you are not feeling loved or cared for at the moment.

I don't mind washing the families stuff but I'm not expected to iron it or leave it in a particularly presentable state. If my husband wants something ironing he'll do it himself.

YABU if you're cracking under pressure he should do all laundry, not just his.

My dh does his own washing and sorting i dont know why people say its more awkward we do ours seprately its no bother

You are not his mother - remind him of that. Washing makes sense to put a load in together but he is a big boy now and can organise and iron his own clothes. And while you are at it - split a few more of the jobs around the house up. Or hire a cleaner.

Treat him like the stroppy teen he appears to be.

I'd say you are no longer washing his clothes. Just leave them behind and do your own.

Woman-up and ignore the sulks.

People tend to respond to actions, not words. So as long as he says he will help out, he doesn't, and you allow him to get away with it. What's not to like, from his point of view?!

You need to get a thicker skin and not allow sulks to deter you from doing what's fair.

And he needs to stop behaving like a 14 year old!

Also.. you can't change other people's behaviour, only yours.

You change, and he will change.

Will not doing his washing really make that much difference when you are doing the rest of the washing ? I certainly wouldn’t be doing any ironing but getting other household members to do their own washing would just be a waste of electricity here . Why not get him to do all the washing .

I don’t do my partner’s, only my daughters. He wants to wash his on 30, but that doesn’t shift the filth my daughter covers her clothes in at nursery. It makes a big difference and I would totally recommend it.

I’ve found it really does make a difference, it’s the head space saving too, no more needing to dry the work shirts by Monday etc.
I split other jobs too such as DH hoovers upstairs and I do downstairs. He shops, I cook.

We do separate washing. We started after I washed my husbands silk ties, oops! Also he likes to pile it up and do 3 loads in one day and I prefer to do it as soon as there's a load ready. It works fine, whichever of us is putting a load in just throws the kids stuff in with it

However any adult that sulks when asked to do something for themselves is generally a massive twat and this would wind me up as much as the washing situation

I don't understand why it's complicated to split washing? I've never done DHs washing or ironing it just wouldn't cross our minds. We have a wash basket each, if one wants to do a wash you just say 'alright if I do a wash' it takes 30 seconds! I wouldn't be a dick and for example may add a t-shirt or two or couple pairs of Dhs boxers to complete my load but generally our washing is our own responsibility.

I also can't believe the number of shocked people or people proclaiming their luck that their DH does the bathroom! Wonder how many men feel lucky their wife does the bathroom!