Husband wants to go away for a night when our baby is 4 weeks old…

[SnowBall86]

My husband wants to go away to celebrate his nephews 21st birthday for 1 night and take our son who is 5 with him whilst I will stay at home with our 4 week old baby (recovering from c-section). The drive is around 5 hours. I have a couple of problems with it. Firstly, I think tagging our 5 year old along for a 5h drive each way is a bit too far for one night. Then, I know there might be some alcohol involved since it’s a 21st birthday celebration, so I’m not too keen on what our son is going to experience… also, I think that with 4 week old baby I might need all help I can get including looking after me considering that I don’t know how I’m going to feel recovering from c-section. My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once and that he’s helping by taking our son with him…. Am I being unreasonable by not feeling too happy about the whole situation?

I would not have let any of my DC out of my sight for that long at that age, even with their father

You have issues.

OP has already explained that it's a family get together with other children present. Not your 'typical' 21st bar crawl.

Why is anyone who genuinely DID cope fine at four weeks post CS, being accused of one-upmanship?

In my opinion there's a big difference between saying "I was able to cope at four weeks" and saying things like "you should be able to cope", "there's something wrong with women who can't cope", which many people are doing.

More than fine for him to do this - I wouldn’t have an issue

Assuming there will be other family there who can also be with 5 year old

It’s one night and you will be feeling ok enough for this by 4 weeks

Has the OP name changed? I filtered on all OPs posts and haven't seen her say this.

@Jeansgoals

why not though?

honestly why not?

OP may feel like a few drinks and letting her hair down after 9 long boring months pregnant

Why would a party take priority over the comfort and feelings of your partner

What I’m saying is it’s fine for her husband to go with their child or they could all go together or leave the baby with a grandparent whatever works for them all

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz It's in her most recent post 30 mins or so ago

4 weeks post elective section I think you’ll be fine tbh (I’ve had 2, one emcs and one elective) to look after a tiny baby that just needs feeds and cuddles and the odd nappy change. Order takeout. Do NOTHING around the house and enjoy the (relative) peace. Your 5yr old will be fine with family. I know it’s a worrying thought having him away at that time but honestly, you’ll be ok.

@ForestFae

Erm cos OP night fancy a party too!

or it could be the the case that husband goes to this 21st and then in a couple of weeks he minds the kids while she goes on a night out.

The whole idea that you have to give up your social life and become a completely different person when you have kids is so abhorrent to me

With dc1I was in hospital for nearly 2 weeks after a CS, as I wasn’t recovering very well. With dc3 I was re-admitted to hospital 2 weeks post CS and was in hospital for more than a week, very unwell.

Not everyone recovers straight away after birth, especially if it is a CS! I would not have been impressed if my dh had even had a night out locally, never mind travelled for 5 hours away from home, so soon after I had given birth to his child!

You don’t have to, no one said that. But at four weeks, if your partner isn’t comfortable with it, you shouldn’t do it.

This is what I believed until I had a baby. It wasn't true for us. I feel it's really not helpful for people to say 'newborns sleep a lot' and 'sleep when the baby sleeps'. My newborn did not sleep (feeding issues). In the first 6 weeks I was averaging 2-4 hours sleep per 24 hours. Horrific. If you get a baby that sleeps, brilliant. But not everyone does .

I know what you mean but being more or less in bed for 2 days would do my head in.

i need exercise so baby would be strapped in a sling so I could go out for a walk or put in a running buggy so I could go for a run.

I hate being sedentary. It was one of the reasons I didn’t breastfeed

That would be a flat no from me

Don't personally see the problem with your DHs plan. I had an EMCS and was absolutely fine after 4 weeks. Could certainly look after DS easily for an overnight by then. Could probably have managed with the 5 year old too, if you're not keen on them going.

@OnceuponaRainbow18

“I would be happy and would keep the 5 year old with me”

Would you? Why? Make less work for yourself and let him take them

Exactly! OP please ignore all this weird advice to stay in bed for two days or park your arse on the sofa for 2 days if you want to avoid unpleasant shite such as blood clots, DVT and constipation etc

@yayayayayaya

WHY?

After 4 weeks holed up in the house with
milk and nappies plenty of women would like a night away as well (and have them). If the roles were revered would you be happy with your husband giving you a “flat no”??

“I would not have let any of my DC out of my sight for that long at that age, even with their father“

WTF??!

Why?!

I would. I would fully understand not wanting to be left alone with a baby - personally, I don’t like not having another adult to clarify with if I think the baby looks unwell. But then all my babies spent time in NICU so maybe it’s different for people who have full term, normal healthy babies. For me, newborns just equate to stress and I wouldn’t want the whole responsibility to lie with me alone as opposed to both of us. And I would understand my husband feeling that way.

“I would not have let any of my DC out of my sight for that long at that age, even with their father“

WTF??!

Thats one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen on here

If my bloke ever said that it would be a flat divorce from me.

@ForestFae

i think you’re right. Your own personal experience is skewing things. Most people can do without their partner for one night and not need then their as a sounding board just in case they think their child is unwell.

You sound like the type to say that no parent should ever drink alcohol in the house just in case you need to make an emergency dash to the hospital with a sick child