Massive argument with boyfriend - was I unreasonable?

[SarahLooo124]

Hello,
We've been together 4 years, hardly argue and overall very happy together.

Last night, he had to go to hospital (nothing serious, but he felt some pain in his stomach area); I'd never been to A and E before so I didn't realise just how long waiting times were apart from what I hear on the news.
So I waited in the car as he said he'll be about 2 hours and i wasn't allowed to sit in with him (fair enough)<. 6 hours later, it's 11:30pm,I'm still waiting in the car, haven't eaten since breakfast, and my phone was about to die.

I quickly rang him asking how long he'll be and he said he doesn't know. For some reason I snapped on the phone and said (I admit in a bitchy way) that he'll have to come back on his own tomorrow then as I can't wait in this car any longer.

2 minutes later, he comes running to the car saying he was just about to see the Dr but he had to tell the Dr he had to go and the Dr was worried about his stomach. He called me an autistic bitch because I didn't just get out the car and walk to the cafe in the hospital and that I make everything complicated and he feels like my babysitter. (I'm not autistic btw).

I snapped back that it was his idea for me to come and that he said I could wait with him, and if I'd have known it'd be sitting in a car, I'd have waited in the house.

This was in quite shouty voices.

But I feel absolutely awful that he has to go back tonight. I look back and think I could've just carried on waiting in the car but in the moment, I just snapped.

The suggestion that he come back to A&E the next day was unreasonable, but it was understandable you snapped. And if your boyfriend was in that much pain and was with the Doctor, surely he should have waited until he'd finished being seen? So the fact he has to go back is not solely on you.

@user1471457751

In a similar situation, I’ve driven myself. How were you going home if you couldn’t drive the car, surely he could have driven himself home after being seen if you’d have gone home separately.

I’m not sure why you’re getting such a hard time. It’s unreasonable to expect someone to sit and wait in a car for 6 hours plus. I think he should have dropped you home first or you should have gone home (bus or walk or whatever) and left him to it.

I don't think you were unreasonable- has he tried to get a GP appointment today? They would refer him to A&E if they thought it was required. If he really believed A&E was required he could have dropped you off home first, as his stomach pain doesn't seem to be preventing him from driving.

I think anyone would get a bit tetchy sitting in a car for 6 hours with no food and not even a book to read!

@user1471457751 I didn't have a go at my boyfriend for the staff member being wrong. I was agitated that it was 11pm in a dark car park and I was getting frustrated.

Was there not a closer hospital? I thought you were only on your way to the supermarket so you can't have been far from home?

So, learning from this incident is don’t take someone to hospital in a car you can’t drive - what would you have done if he had been admitted?
It’s not necessary to accompany an adult to hospital when you know you can’t go in with them - why did you go? What did you think you could do?
YABU

RTFT - they were on their way somewhere else and he suddenly decided he needed A&E.

Both unreasonable. As a PP said, if he can wait another day he doesn’t need a&e. It is for life threatening emergencies.

No it's not.

RTFT, it wasn’t a planned trip OPs boyfriend diverted them to the hospital on their way to the supermarket.

Can’t have been that painful if he walked out after waiting six hours when he was just about to see a doctor.

Why can’t he see his GP today? The whole trip to A&E sounds completely unnecessary to me.

No wonder the waits are so long when people are using it when they shouldn’t be.

OP you haven’t explained what your plan was had they admitted him? Were you going to sleep in the car?

Original plan was for me to drive, drop him off and then drive home. He originally said yesterday he didn't want to go so after sitting on the sofa debating whether he should go or not, we went to get food shopping and he drove as I thought he didn't want to go. Then he decided he wanted to go and drove to A & E and said he said I'd probably be able to wait with him, which of course I wasn't able to.

The hospital isn't close to our house and I stupidly thought he'd be out within a few hours. By the time I was getting agitated and my phone dying, I didn't feel comfortable getting a taxi or bus when it was dark

We were on our way to the supermarket, it doesn't mean the hospital was close, it was about a 35 minute drive

This is all very odd. A&E is for what it says: accidents and emergencies, and the service is on its knees at the moment. It's not a walk-in GP service. Your boyfriend has an ongoing abdominal issue and he needs to go back to his GP. This abuse of NHS services infuriates me. My neighbour went to A&E because her knee was painful!

If it was indeed an emergency, it could have been expected he would be admitted. how did he think you would get home if you were in his car?

Yes, you were unreasonable.

And I was the passenger in the car, he was determined that I could wait with him and he wanted me in the waiting room, so I couldn't exactly turn the car around myself

Why didn’t you call a cab home? There would have been a phone and number in the hospital.

It's completely off topic but no wonder A&E is fucked when people are sat around for a day deciding whether or not to go, then leaving with a plan to return the next day.

The government has a lot to answer for for the state of the NHS but the public don't help.

Some astounding missing of the point in some pps imho.

OP, imo you were unreasonable to snap, but what he called you is way worse, especially as it was factually incorrect. I'd struggle to get past that, personally.

@LittleBearPad I mentioned previously that originally I was fine in the car watching YouTube on my phone etc.,
By half 10 and 11pm when it started getting dark and that was the point my phone was dying, I didn't feel comfortable getting a taxi by myself or a bus when it was dark in a place I don't really know

You were unreasonable. And he is right you didn't have to sit in the car and could have had many options. Go home and wait. You chose to sit in a car for 6 hours. Surely after the first hour you would have said something and perhaps gone off somewhere.

I don't understand the use of you hanging around after it must have been obvious you were in for a wait. You can't be in A&E with him and you only need to drive back when he's finished whether he can go home or he needs to be admitted.

So if you have to take him again go home and wait.

He wasn't taken advantage of A & E, this has genuinely been irritating for weeks but his GP is hard to see in person and he's even gone private he's that desperate but we can't afford to keep throwing money at scans etc.

Jesus. Grow up. You were too scared to get a taxi?

I know that's normal on mumsnet but that's not normal in the real world.

@pearly1792 did you miss the part where I've mentioned about 10 times that I'm not insured to drive his car?