Massive argument with boyfriend - was I unreasonable?

[SarahLooo124]

Hello,
We've been together 4 years, hardly argue and overall very happy together.

Last night, he had to go to hospital (nothing serious, but he felt some pain in his stomach area); I'd never been to A and E before so I didn't realise just how long waiting times were apart from what I hear on the news.
So I waited in the car as he said he'll be about 2 hours and i wasn't allowed to sit in with him (fair enough)<. 6 hours later, it's 11:30pm,I'm still waiting in the car, haven't eaten since breakfast, and my phone was about to die.

I quickly rang him asking how long he'll be and he said he doesn't know. For some reason I snapped on the phone and said (I admit in a bitchy way) that he'll have to come back on his own tomorrow then as I can't wait in this car any longer.

2 minutes later, he comes running to the car saying he was just about to see the Dr but he had to tell the Dr he had to go and the Dr was worried about his stomach. He called me an autistic bitch because I didn't just get out the car and walk to the cafe in the hospital and that I make everything complicated and he feels like my babysitter. (I'm not autistic btw).

I snapped back that it was his idea for me to come and that he said I could wait with him, and if I'd have known it'd be sitting in a car, I'd have waited in the house.

This was in quite shouty voices.

But I feel absolutely awful that he has to go back tonight. I look back and think I could've just carried on waiting in the car but in the moment, I just snapped.

Quite, @pucelleauxblanchesmains & I see no reason to trust a PP who
A) opens their rant with "trust me" & B) invents an entire car-taking-away scenario, despite the OP clearly stating that she cannot drive her b/f's car.

KettrickenSmiled Thank you, cross posted!
I think the issue is a tiny piece of what I wrote has been quoted and added to and that’s what had been responded to.

That New!!! Improved!!! quote feature is a quagmire of incomprehensibility @RadiantFem 😪

Oh I missed that part about it not actually being an emergency! However, OP could’ve still got a taxi home and/or bought food and drink from the hospital cafe. She didn’t have to stay.

Just put it down to a learning experience, sometimes we shout when we’re stressed. Apologise to each other and move on.
If he needs to go to the hospital again just drop him off.

I agree @Sushi7 - OP's passivity about this episode is as bewildering as it is worrying, but we are all speculating a bit uselessly now because I don't think she's coming back.

I hope you are OK & have been able to take some comforst & some food for thought away from your thread @SarahLooo124

Both massive out of order

him for name calling

you for saying what you did too.

however I have an illness which means I’m forever in A and E sadly and I’d have no problem going home on my own. I wouldn’t dare let someone wait for 6 hours in the car

Find a new relationship OP, he sounds awful.
He goes to A and E with a bit of stomach ache?
He effectively gave you no choice but to go with him then expected you to wait in a car park.
He then used ableist and misogynistic language to you.
Nah, it will just get worse.

Find a new relationship OP, he sounds awful.
He goes to A and E with a bit of stomach ache?

Slightly unfair he is under investigation for it. My FIL had stomache ache on and off. Carried on working etc. Turned out he had a perforated bowel.

FFS @stressedmum22

A very good reason for MN never to accede to the frequent requests for "an edit button."

As someone with three autistic kids, his comment has really pissed me off. And if he was that poorly he wouldn’t have the energy to come out shouting and bawling at you.

he sounds a right nob.

Sounds like you’re both as bad as each other tbh. It wasn’t ideal for you but your partner was in the hospital so you just need to figure it out.
maybe take an autism test

You sound like a teenager:

1. if your hungry go and eat


2. Get yourself a bag and keep a charger in it!


3. take some initiative- if you want to go home get a cab/Uber


4. mind how you talk to people. They won’t forget your tone.

He's an utter gobshite and a liar.

Not in a million years do I think someone leaves a doctor standing after 6 hours of waiting.

So he is a liar.

OP, back away before you really fxxk your life up and have a child or marry this lying twat.

maybe take a fuck off for your ablist commentary

What about being autistic disables you?

Is that a serious question ? 🙄

It's a recognised disability in law.

Yes you were unreasonable complaining to someone who is in pain and waiting in A&E. Hardly his fault.

Hope your boyfriend is ok OP! Anf you sound a lot more reasonable and nice than most posters on MN 😃

Morning All -
I am looking for advice- I’ve been with my partner nine years and two children together- yesterday we had a pretty intense “discussion” surrounding money. All through our relationship I’ve contributed a lot more as I earn more then he does - so for bringing the children out @ weekends or paying for there own party’s ( which I can tend to spend a lot) but I start organising and purchase stuff well into 7/8 months in advance. Just because I earn more then he does - buy I’ve a lot more debt also than him. which some has come from him Anyway yesterday it came to a head he has been made redundant & came away with just over £7k. He paid off his debt & other bits - which came to roughly £3k. Which is all fantastic. I am coming into money & asked him to”lend” me £1k until mine came in and this would also allow me to clear some of my debt. THREE TIMES over 3 separate days I had to ask or bring up the topic again. To which he said I don’t think you’ll pay it back so I don’t want to give it to you🤯🤯🤯 Now bit of background- he lost his job 4 years ago and I got into said debt because we still had bills that needed paying until he got a job sorted I took out new CC etc to keep a rough over our heads and food etc on the table .
my other gripe is when comes to children needing ANYTHING ( 6&3 years old) 85 % I purchased it. I bring them on solo holidays back home at least 2 times per year as he doesn’t want to go so I pay for all
expenses. Even when I said when I bring children away you don’t even give them a money ( £20 etc) as spending money etc he. Reply so every time you go away with them I’ve to give money !
again to put into context… we would be out at restaurant and again 85 % I would pay for our two children and he would pay for himself.
answer I would get is you wanted to go here I was happy to wait until we got home … I even talking about McD or KFC here not the Ivy .
So AITA for now saying that’s it- when the home needs anything I will not be paying for it as all again is purchased by me ..
that I know want new clothing £50 spent each month on the children or whatever they may need he needs to contribute better to the upbringing financially for the children.
in all other ways he is there and present- he does the school runs /house work /dinners for the children etc but I can’t be the only putting my hand in my pocket ? CAN I

Why on earth did you go with him then? I assumed you'd driven him there. What was the point in going along for the ride, knowing you'd have to just sit in the car for god knows how long?

I think you should start your own thread.

But yes, your boyfriend is being a real jerk!