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AIBU?

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Original poster

Massive argument with boyfriend - was I unreasonable?

359 replies

SarahLooo124 · 01/06/2022 10:14

Hello,
We've been together 4 years, hardly argue and overall very happy together.

Last night, he had to go to hospital (nothing serious, but he felt some pain in his stomach area); I'd never been to A and E before so I didn't realise just how long waiting times were apart from what I hear on the news.
So I waited in the car as he said he'll be about 2 hours and i wasn't allowed to sit in with him (fair enough)<. 6 hours later, it's 11:30pm,I'm still waiting in the car, haven't eaten since breakfast, and my phone was about to die.

I quickly rang him asking how long he'll be and he said he doesn't know. For some reason I snapped on the phone and said (I admit in a bitchy way) that he'll have to come back on his own tomorrow then as I can't wait in this car any longer.

2 minutes later, he comes running to the car saying he was just about to see the Dr but he had to tell the Dr he had to go and the Dr was worried about his stomach. He called me an autistic bitch because I didn't just get out the car and walk to the cafe in the hospital and that I make everything complicated and he feels like my babysitter. (I'm not autistic btw).

I snapped back that it was his idea for me to come and that he said I could wait with him, and if I'd have known it'd be sitting in a car, I'd have waited in the house.

This was in quite shouty voices.

But I feel absolutely awful that he has to go back tonight. I look back and think I could've just carried on waiting in the car but in the moment, I just snapped.

OP posts:
LIZS · 01/06/2022 10:29

How far from home were you? How did he plan to get home if the dr had said he could not drive or was admitted?

user1471504747 · 01/06/2022 10:29

What was wrong with his stomach? He sounds like an idiot for going to A&E in the first place tbh

I thought in your first post you were unreasonable, but your drip feed does make you look much more reasonable.

LittleBearPad · 01/06/2022 10:29

You sound extremely young, or if not, immature.

Tokyopirate · 01/06/2022 10:29

That makes the situation a bit different then. I understand it must have been really frustrating to be stuck in the car but it's also just one of those things. Couldn't you have called someone to help out and maybe give you a lift home or something? Its also not unreasonable to think you could have walked into the hospital cafe.
To be fair it doesn't sound like it was very well planned but obviously a trip to A and E is never very well planned, it always ends up sucking for everyone involved.

Original poster
SarahLooo124 · 01/06/2022 10:30

He's been feeling this way for a while, and he's gone private a few times but nobody can find out what's causing it.
I've been very supportive of him, having long chats about how he's feeling, helping him when it comes to what to say to the private appointments he's had, but last night I snapped and this thread has confirmed my thoughts I was unreasonable.

I have apologised to him and apologised to him last night

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 01/06/2022 10:30

Waiting 6 hours in a car is insane. He should have dropped you home.

sounds like you were both tired.

orwellwasright · 01/06/2022 10:31

My husband got ambulanced to A&E a few times with stomach pains (plus other times when I took him). There's no way he'd have been popping to the shops a few minutes before and there's zero chance he would have been well enough to drive.

Are you both very young? You both sound a bit clueless tbh.

Original poster
SarahLooo124 · 01/06/2022 10:31

I'm not trying to drip feed, just commenting back to posts and questions

OP posts:
user1471504747 · 01/06/2022 10:31

What did the doctor at A&E say? Was he discharged without any treatment?

ElenaSt · 01/06/2022 10:32

Why didn't you discuss what you would do if he had to wait hours or was admitted beforehand?

You chose to sit in the car like a lemon when you could've gone to the reception and made enquiries after a few hours as to how long much longer he would be etc

Maisa45 · 01/06/2022 10:32

Sounds like you were hangry and he was in pain so you were both not very nice to each other.

Tbh I wouldn't be thrilled at thinking we were en route to the supermarket, only to end up being made to wait in a car for 6 hours with nothing to do.

Have you apologised to each other?

Original poster
SarahLooo124 · 01/06/2022 10:33

No, not young or clueless, but along with comments made by him last night about my personality, I'm find it quite hard that even some people on this thread are putting my personality down, just to go with the "autistic bitch" comment.

I made this thread for some clarification and most people have been quite constructive with their responses rather than resorting to belittling me so thank you to those

OP posts:
BadNomad · 01/06/2022 10:33

Why was he at A&E though? What was the emergency? Ongoing stomach pain isn't an emergency, especially if it has already been/is being investigated.

Switchin · 01/06/2022 10:34

Happyplace88 · 01/06/2022 10:26

Both unreasonable. As a PP said, if he can wait another day he doesn’t need a&e. It is for life threatening emergencies. Why on earth didn’t you just drop him off and tell him to call you when he was ready for pick up?! He’s an idiot for not just seeing the doctor if he was literally being called in then. Both silly.

The idea that if he can wait then he shouldn't be in A&E only works in hindsight. When I had my appendix out, 111 told me that if I didn't go to A&E then they'd be sending an ambulance out. But, once I was admitted, they didn't remove my appendix for three days whilst they waited for a space to open up in theatre - so I could've waited a day...but I definitely needed to go to A&E. Where else would I go or what else would I do? A GP would send to A&E... 111 sent me to A&E... Ignoring it would kill me. Sure, I could've waited a day before going to A&E but there's no way to know that in advance.

Equally, when my DS had to go to A&E (sent by an optician because they were worried about a bleed on the brain or brain tumour), we waited in hospital for almost a week before they conducted all the tests they needed to do. In hindsight, we didn't need to go to A&E that day. But that was the advice and there's no way to know whether you need to go that day or if it can wait until tomorrow.

Just because you haven't died within 24 hours doesn't mean you don't need to go to A&E.

LIZS · 01/06/2022 10:34

Not sure where this hospital is but ours has a very limited waiting area and catering available for visitors and shops, reception and main doors are closed by 9. Can't imagine waiting in a dark car park indefinitely though.

PrawnToast5 · 01/06/2022 10:34

BadNomad · 01/06/2022 10:33

Why was he at A&E though? What was the emergency? Ongoing stomach pain isn't an emergency, especially if it has already been/is being investigated.

Depends on how painful it is surely?

MermaidEyes · 01/06/2022 10:35

Hang on - so instead of seeing the doctor, you both went home and now he has to go back tonight?! So he can't be in too much pain if he can wait 24 hours. This whole situation is strange.

Original poster
SarahLooo124 · 01/06/2022 10:35

I went to the door with him; the triage nurse said their current wait time is a couple of hours so he can wait to see one the drs if he wants to. He told my boyfriend to go sign a book and then said sorry no guests allowed. Boyfriend then said "sorry" and handed me the keys and walked in to sign the book.
But he probably had a lot on his mind so it probably didn't cross his mind about me waiting in the car

And yes we've apologised

OP posts:
WeAreBob · 01/06/2022 10:35

Sorry OP but you were awful.
If his pain was so bad that he had to divert from your shopping trip to go to hospital then he can be forgiven for the bad judgement call of bringing you along. People in that much pain get a bit of a pass for bad decisions made in the moment. Waiting times are hours and hours. Everyone knows that. If you weren't prepared for it then you should have got dropped home first.

But once you were there, you had so many other options. You could easily have gotten food. You could have gone home another way. You snapping at him and making him leave A&E was just totally out of order.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/06/2022 10:36

I think what he said to you was horrendous and he needs to apologise to you.

You didn’t handle the situation well but six hours in a car is a long time when you’re hungry and tired.

He should have dropped you home first or you should have got a cab home and waited for him to get in touch. It was madness to expect you to wait in the car - totally needless.

A stressful situation which led to an argument - it’s good you’ve apologised. Now he needs to apologise for
his abusive language.

user1471504747 · 01/06/2022 10:36

He sounds thoughtless OP, have there been any other similar incidents?

You think you’re going to the supermarket, instead he decides to take you on an unnecessary and wasted trip to A&E, without any clear way to get home. And then insults you because you are annoyed. I don’t think there was anything wrong with saying he’d have to come back on his own tomorrow, I’d have told him he didn’t need to be in A&E in the first place

Switchin · 01/06/2022 10:38

BadNomad · 01/06/2022 10:33

Why was he at A&E though? What was the emergency? Ongoing stomach pain isn't an emergency, especially if it has already been/is being investigated.

In young people with bowel cancer, it's very common to not be diagnosed until you go to A&E despite having seen a GP multiple times. This is just one example (www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/how-we-can-help/real-life-stories/younger-people-with-bowel-cancer/jenny-warren,-34-from-london/) but it's an entire campaign from Bowel Cancer UK. A worsening in abdominal pain, even if it's long-term pain and/or is being ignored investigated by a GP is an emergency.

BadNomad · 01/06/2022 10:39

PrawnToast5 · 01/06/2022 10:34

Depends on how painful it is surely?

Show quote history

So painful that he left because his girlfriend got grumpy then instead of contacting his GP today he's just going to dander up A&E again tonight.

user1471457751 · 01/06/2022 10:39

So one of the staff said it should be a couple of hours to see someone but you had a go at your bf for that person being wrong. That's a really horrible thing to do.

Original poster
SarahLooo124 · 01/06/2022 10:39

I feel absolutely awful about it all and on hindsight if I could go back in time I'd have done things a lot differently.
I was okay for the first few hours as my phone was charged so I was reading things and watching YouTube but the last hour it was close to dying, a dark car park, I've never been in this hospital before which is quite away from home, I don't know the area well so don't fancy wandering around at 11pm. I was just a bit spooked at night time.

OP posts: