MIL questioning me.

[biiianxa]

AIBU to think my MIL is going too far?

I try to keep the peace and often do things that my MIL suggests to avoid any unnecessary dilemmas, but it's starting to annoy me that any time i do things MY way with MY child, she's questioning them.

DS has a tendency of chewing on his hands, probably teething commencing and he does this 80% of the time. often, he'll get rid of dummy to replace it with his fingers, after multiple times telling MIL he's not hungry, she insists he must be as his hands are always in his mouth.

we've more or less fell into a routine of feeding every 5 or 6 hours, which works brilliant with us! but anytime we visit her, or we leave him with her, she's trying to feed him every 2 hours.

it's currently 18:30, and feeding time for DS, we have started him on solids and i have a strict "no solids after 19:00" to ensure he doesn't go to bed on a very full tummy and it doesn't disrupt his sleep. he'll have his usual 6 ounces before bed.

MIL has insisted that DS is sleepy and starts shaking him to sleep after i precisely said it's feeding time and he can take a nap after. whilst i was sterling his utensils for feeding she has rocked him to sleep, his food is prepared and everything is sterilised. I'm very close to having a go at her, because she needs to understand things aren't going to go her way, this isn't her child.

it's obviously not DS fault, so i have let her put him in his crib and sleep now, but it has really irritated me that she went against my wishes.

AIBU for getting annoyed that she keeps trying to do things her way?

Why did you not stop her and tell her off? You were clear telling her. You need to put boundaries in place and stop letting her do as she wants with your child. It is not up to her to choose his routine. Stop this now before your relationship is destroyed.

You dont need to sterilise feeding utensils. If he wasn't tired he wouldn't have gone to sleep

What age is he?

No, you're not BU in wanting to do things your way, but why can't you just have a simple conversation with MIL, and tell her that when she had her children she doubtless did things her way, but now it's your child and YOUR choice as to how things are done. Tell her that you're willing to listen to her advice, but whether you take it or not, is up to you. If she then continues to interfere, then I'd think seriously about whether or not to continue to let her have access to your child, but that's just me.

Sterilising utensils?! How old is he?

thats not necessary surely?!

have you tried talking to her?

I don't get how she's getting the chance to do all this stuff. Just don't go round there. Why would she ever be looking after him alone when you don't like how she does it?

as others will say - where’s your DH in this?
I’ve been in this position and I did end up losing it with my MIL, which is rubbish because I ended up having to apologise.

My MIL didn’t have boundaries - she wanted to do everything the way she had done it for her two. Given that she toilet trained my DH by 9 months this was never going to happen.

I regret not being brave enough to enforce them sooner. But find a polite way of doing it.

I would challenge her on it; my experience is that you and your DH need to be a united front and challenge these things early on

Well, I think it's your baby, your choice but some of the things you say are a bit OTT (a strict rule about when he can have solid food, sterilising utensils etc) so she might be doing some eye rolling too.

i have "strict" rules because i've had my DS in hospital with an infection last month, so we're very careful with sterilising everything. he's 5 months and on solids so we sterilise, spoons, bottles and his bowl. this may seem expensive but we don't want to take any risks.

also, no solids after 19:00 because it doesn't sit well in his tummy after when he goes to sleep, so we've settled for these things.

we're very laid back on other fronts, but ensure that we keep his health first and what works for DS and what doesn't.

I'm guessing at 5 months he's not eating much in the way of solids so I wouldn't worry too much about it for a one off. But no, she absolutely should be listening to you. No matter if she thinks you are wrong.

Also did the hospital tell you to sterilise everything? Would washing it in water before hand be quicker?

Why is he on solids at 5 months?

What infection did he have from his feeding equipment?

you do realise we only sterilise stuff to get rid of the bacteria formula leaves behind right?

is he on track with his weight gain? Could you show your mil this?

That’s early to be on solids. I assume as he’s so little he was tired enough to sleep, so he wanted to sleep. 5/6 hours between feeds sounds a bit mad to me at that age too. Maybe he is hungry.

Is 6hrs between feeds right for a 5month old? It sounds v spaced out.

Only the bottles need to be sterilised due to the bacteria in infant formula. I assume the infection he caught wasn't from a bowl or spoon and they will be clean enough from washing in hot soapy water.

Could you give his dinner earlier so he has more room/time for formula at bedtime? He must have been tired if he went to sleep quickly

Also 5-6 hours between feeds is a long time for a baby to wait

Sorry OP I just realised on a thread about MILs questioning you I questioned you too!

For folks who think five months is early for solids, the advice has changed. The new window is to start solids four to six months. It is an anti-allergy precaution.

At 5 months if he's ready to sleep let him sleep. If he was hungry he wouldn't sleep.

MIL sounds a little irritating but not horrible. Don't have her round at bedtime if you don't want her to put him to bed.

The advice from who? NHS advice hasn't changed and it's not to do with allergies.

No it hasnt changed
If you think it has then I'm sure you have a link to the new UK advice

No it isn’t. It’s six months unless there’s medical need, then it can be from 4, but only under the guidance of health professionals.

Well, it is your child. But starting a baby on solids at 5 months and going 5-6 hours between feeds at 5 months are both on the face of it quite strange.

It reads like you are only feeding your five month old twice a day? Is that correct?

If so then your mil is right! That's nowhere near enough, but in sure that's not what you meant and something is lost in translation in your post