MIL questioning me.

[biiianxa]

AIBU to think my MIL is going too far?

I try to keep the peace and often do things that my MIL suggests to avoid any unnecessary dilemmas, but it's starting to annoy me that any time i do things MY way with MY child, she's questioning them.

DS has a tendency of chewing on his hands, probably teething commencing and he does this 80% of the time. often, he'll get rid of dummy to replace it with his fingers, after multiple times telling MIL he's not hungry, she insists he must be as his hands are always in his mouth.

we've more or less fell into a routine of feeding every 5 or 6 hours, which works brilliant with us! but anytime we visit her, or we leave him with her, she's trying to feed him every 2 hours.

it's currently 18:30, and feeding time for DS, we have started him on solids and i have a strict "no solids after 19:00" to ensure he doesn't go to bed on a very full tummy and it doesn't disrupt his sleep. he'll have his usual 6 ounces before bed.

MIL has insisted that DS is sleepy and starts shaking him to sleep after i precisely said it's feeding time and he can take a nap after. whilst i was sterling his utensils for feeding she has rocked him to sleep, his food is prepared and everything is sterilised. I'm very close to having a go at her, because she needs to understand things aren't going to go her way, this isn't her child.

it's obviously not DS fault, so i have let her put him in his crib and sleep now, but it has really irritated me that she went against my wishes.

AIBU for getting annoyed that she keeps trying to do things her way?

Until a baby is 1 year old, milk should be their main source of nutrition. I have a 2 year old and when she was 5 months old, she was consuming 40 ounces of formula a day. Granted, she was and still is very tall. But the amount of milk you’re giving doesn’t sound enough to me, sorry.

So your 'medical degree' gives you the miraculous ability to 'know' that OP is lying? Super!

But then what do I know it was only part of my medical degree.

What do you know @mam0918?
People with medical degrees are usually pretty clued up about the impossibility of diagnosing a 'patient' they've never met.

They're also able to read & digest vast quantities of text, so not sure how you & your medical degree missed "chunky boy", "our paediatrician is happy", or "HV very happy" (with his weight).

My view is that if the HV and Paediatrician are in agreement about your current feeding schedule and you're happy with it, then it should be fine - basically YOU DO YOU. Putting myself in MIL position.. I might not agree with you but not my place to butt in! Whatever about the feeding, it would have driven me NUTS if someone rocked my baby to sleep if he was already in a clear routine. Your schedule is different to what mine was when my chubby DS was 5m old, he drained 4 x 8oz bottles per day, usually 7am, 11am, 2.30pm, 6pm and sometimes 4oz top-up at 10.30pm if needed. We started baby led weaning at 6m which was the advice at the time, the first feed we dropped after this was the 11am one but I think he was 8/9m when we did this. But everyone I know had different routines to mine, so I think the point is you do what's working best for you and your DS. And definitely time to get MIL to back off.

@stuntbubbles because it suggests that OP's methods probably aren't working and MIL may well just be worried about the poor kid

There should always be a couple of oz left in the bottle after the feed so you're catering for hungry days. Sounds like you're uncomfortable wasting formula (which I 100% get) so you're limiting the offering.

I very ardently believe that schedule is not ok

I don't think anyone is trying to attack or be rude to OP, but the schedule is worrying. A baby's tiny stomach (smaller than their fist at that age) cannot go 8 hours between milk feeds, especially as that's their only source of hydration. Plus the daily amount of formula feels nowhere near enough. At 5 months my DS was getting 35oz a day across 5 feeds (one every 3 hours, sleeping 8-7).

OP: my MiL interrogates me about my baby's feed & sleep schedule. AIBU?

PP: Spanish Inquisition-worthy interrogation

OP: My HV & paediatrician are happy with his schedule, & he is a chunky baby.

"PP: You child-neglecting monster!!! My "medical training' beats the evidence of your own eyes & ears!!

I think it's just hard to believe that a medical professional would agree to feeding such small amounts. If OP said she only allowed her 5 yo a carrot and a glass of water every six hours would you accept that, if she said it was agreed by her HV?

I'm not interested enough to debate why PP imagine a "chunky baby" is undernourished @HOTHotPeppers & reckon that if OP is actually starving her child, that the child's father will do something about it, so the speculation here is pointless.

Please have a go at her!!!set the woman straight. She is undermining you. Constantly. Fuck her. Take control and dont let her treat you like you are incapable of taking care of your own kid!!!

Id stop having her over and stop going to hers. What a b*tch

Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if every neglected child had a father to step in.

Yes it would.

But I think we can safely say that OP's child has a father. The fact of a MiL being a bit of a giant clue & all.

A father that seems to accept the child's feeding schedule.

Fucksake @HOTHotPeppers why don't you alert the media, & MNHQ if you think there is a child being starved here, & stop mithering me with your nonsense?

It seemed more appropriate to try and give the OP advice, as PPs have been doing. I don't think anyone believes the OP was trying to starve her child, just trying to do her best.

I don’t understand people bashing other posters for saying OP’s feeding routine is unusual and against advice, OP posted about her MIL not sticking to her routine and questioning it, so obviously if people think OP’s routine isn’t safe or incorrect then MIL is not unreasonable. It’s not irrelevant, as the whole post is about someone questioning and not wanting to follow her (from the sounds of it, unsafe) routine. I don’t know enough about the topic to say whether I think it’s not correct, but it seems a lot of posters including medical professionals agree with the MIL. It’s very naive and dangerous to assume parents always “know best”, because the absolutely do not.

OP: I have a very unusual feeding schedule for my child, who constantly chews his fists as if hungry. My MIL thinks he’s hungry. I think she’s a bitch. AIBU.

MN: YABVU, that’s hardly any food, and you have started solids way early and in a really unusual way. Maybe have a wee think about it and double check with your HV.

OP: You’re all wrong.

I had a baby in hospital recently too- his feeding was all over the place- he went ages and all I could do was try and syringe water into him because he wouldn’t drink his milk- because he was ill. I certainly didn’t assume that would be his new normal going forward. It’s too long between feeds. Obviously I don’t think OP is going to come back and explain, nor does she have to, but based on the information here, maybe his gran has a valid point. And I’m not a ‘young mum’ by any stretch either so it’s not just that I only go by the latest research on everything without question. Unless there’s a distinct medical need, five months is too early.

I mean, mine ‘showed and interest’ at grabbing and drinking my glass of wine around that age, doesn’t mean I thought he was ready to have any.

I’ve posted this before on another thread about babies and I just have to say I so strongly believe parents get this shit wrong and HV or doctors often go along with it or there is a miscommunication - I know two children who were extremely underfed but somehow the HV and GP were “fine with it”. In reality the parents were just well spoken and I think that made them seem credible/they were not questioned further. It’s bullshit. Parents are not always right, sometimes they misinterpret stuff and the children suffer.

Also the interpretation of “a chunky monkey” is very subjective.

If DS was 16lbs at 5 months that's smaller than average weight for a boy. So i'm confused about the chunky monkey thing. My DD was 21lbs at the same age.

Oh, they always are aren't they! Just so worried for their grandchildren 😢 In reality they love elbowing their DILs out of the way so they can relive their baby rearing years, impose their views and dish out their 'expert' advice. Only afterwards when questioned, they'll dress it up as being 'just so concerned for the poor DGC 🥺'

They’re not all like that. In my experience of it’s done in a tactful, insightful way I’m more likely to at least listen and take it on board. I appreciate advice given in the above manner from people who have had babies before, even if they did raise them with different guidelines.

I realise this is totally not the point of the thread, but I'm green with envy at all these five month olds who eat every three hours and sleep through. Mine feeds every hour during the day and every three hours, if I'm lucky, at night.

(I was also told just this week by a nurse to wean her and see if that helps her sleep.)