MIL questioning me.

[biiianxa]

AIBU to think my MIL is going too far?

I try to keep the peace and often do things that my MIL suggests to avoid any unnecessary dilemmas, but it's starting to annoy me that any time i do things MY way with MY child, she's questioning them.

DS has a tendency of chewing on his hands, probably teething commencing and he does this 80% of the time. often, he'll get rid of dummy to replace it with his fingers, after multiple times telling MIL he's not hungry, she insists he must be as his hands are always in his mouth.

we've more or less fell into a routine of feeding every 5 or 6 hours, which works brilliant with us! but anytime we visit her, or we leave him with her, she's trying to feed him every 2 hours.

it's currently 18:30, and feeding time for DS, we have started him on solids and i have a strict "no solids after 19:00" to ensure he doesn't go to bed on a very full tummy and it doesn't disrupt his sleep. he'll have his usual 6 ounces before bed.

MIL has insisted that DS is sleepy and starts shaking him to sleep after i precisely said it's feeding time and he can take a nap after. whilst i was sterling his utensils for feeding she has rocked him to sleep, his food is prepared and everything is sterilised. I'm very close to having a go at her, because she needs to understand things aren't going to go her way, this isn't her child.

it's obviously not DS fault, so i have let her put him in his crib and sleep now, but it has really irritated me that she went against my wishes.

AIBU for getting annoyed that she keeps trying to do things her way?

a feed at 9pm and midnight isn’t sleeping through the night 😂

i have a 5mo and this really isn’t enough food/milk. Are you in the U.K.?

Does he have much water with his solid meal at lunchtime? It’s just 8 hours is a long time to go without drinking for anyone, never mind a little baby.

I don’t think giving some food at 5 months is especially unusual, but it’s quite young for it to be a full meal that makes up for an 8 hour gap between milk feeds.

I do wonder if you are prioritising zero waste of formula over making sure he’s not getting hungry…

Even on MN, I think you should remember, just because she is a MiL doesn't automatically make her wrong.

So many of the posters on the thread are pointing out that is an unusual feeding routine you have there.
I don't like going 6 hours between meals, an I have a fully developed digestive system and a fully grown adult stomach.

If you have medical advice that is right for your little one, then perhaps share that with your MiL to help her understand why this is the pattern ?

7am-3pm gap between feeds? 8 hours without milk is a huge wait at 5 months old when solids are meeting such a tiny part of his calorie needs.

Having 12 ounces within 3 hours in the night also suggests also he isn't perfectly happy with a 5/6 hour gap and he isn't full from the day's milk. I'd really try to up his day feeds and he might not be so hungry at night.

DS fell ill and when in hospital and on antibiotics he was very sleepy. he was feeding decently but sleeping a lot (occasionally for 3/4 hours at a time) he would wake up starving have a high formula quantity and only want again in 5 hours and he fell into that routine. also important to note that his "solids" are made with roughly another 4 ounces of milk, they're more purées than "solids" so he is having enough milk!!

he has a fruit purée with 4 ounces of milk at 12. i make sure to always add formula to his purées, so in some way he's still having his feeds. i don't leave him from 7am to 3pm without milk!

Ok, so it’s actually more like every 3 hours other than that 5 hour gap in the morning, and then a block of overnight sleep after midnight.

That’s far more normal! The 5 hour gap after the morning feed seems unusual, especially given it comes right after the longer overnight gap, but if you say he doesn’t want anything before that lunch fair enough! It’s definitely not that you’re trying to ensure he’s hungry enough to eat all the lunch, is it?

@biiianxa I don’t know why people are being such dicks. You sound reasonable in your reasons for sterilising things and the routine is yours and works for him. What is wrong is not you, but your MIL interfering. Next time don’t let her, take him off her and say you di things your way.

Your mil should respect your wishes. If she refuses, then she’s not invited to visit for the evening routine you have established.

Just to say OP my baby boy is very similar to yours in terms of feeding! He’s never been a huge milk drinker and has anything between 4-6oz per feed even now at 6 months and will easily go 4/5 hours between feeds. I used to continually offer milk every three hours but ended up spilling so much away as it would spoil before he would want to drink it.

He also has two feeds still overnight and despite my best efforts just refuses to drink more than 3 (or 4 max) bottles in the day. He’s been on 75th centile since birth so I’m not worried! You know your baby better than anyone.

His little tummy might do better with smaller milk feeds more often, even though you personally like the routine doesn't mean it works for baby.

Sorry, this is another odd tangent... but what does 4 oz in puree even look like? Surely it would be mainly milk? Or a huge amount of solids mixed in to make it thicker? Unless you're talking baby rice which soaks it all up? Not having a go, just curious!

5/6 hours between feeds at 5 months old is batshit!!!! Apart from at night but 2-3 hours is still standard at that age!

Also why are are weaning early?!

Babies differ just as humans do.
Mine would never have got to six months on milk alone. Both of mine were big hungry babies. My GP told me to start to wean ds at 3 months; he took to purees like a duck to water. I did the same for dd. I intended to get to four months but at about 11 weeks, she had a massive growth spurt, fed every two hours, and I lost 7lb in one week. I simply could not keep up with her. A little puree did the trick.

They are mid to late 20s now. Times and Mantras change. I remember when the advice was to out babies to sleep on their tummies

First of all, you need to start setting boundaries with your mother in law or she'll continue to walk all over you.
Why is she around so often that she's taking over and trying parent her grandchild? You need to stop inviting her around so often as it's rewarding her behaviour.
I agree with previous commentors that 5 months is early for solid foods, especially to be on 2 meals a day.
Your routine seems to have long gaps between feeds. Remember milk isn't just food for babies, it's drink too. Going that long without liquid would be tough on an adult, let alone a baby.
You definitely don't need to sterilise utensils. Hot water and soap is suitable. I'm curious how many utensils you're using, as you mentioned you feed your baby purées? Surely you're only using a spoon?

OP to my knowledge that is far too long between feeds at this young age. You mention 'wasting' formula is this an issue for you?

Yeah relax a little bit, you don’t need to sterilise utensils, let your MIL give him a cuddle and just loosen up over your routine

Your MIL has a point

This sounds like very little milk and way too much food, he will end up malnourished. I'm not trying to sound mean, but genuinely concerned.

Christ on a bike. All these women laying into the OP. She has clearly had hospital and other advice and is saying that the routine works for her son, he is not losing weight, he sleeps well etc. No wonder new mums can lose their confidence. She came here for advice about an overbearing MIL and she is getting it from all directions from overbearing mumsnetters.

100% ^^

I would add if its under specialist's instructions, then everybody in the family should be on board with what is required.

How often do we read here that Mothers are doing it very tough as they are on their own looking after babies, and could do with some family support and a decent amount of sleep.

By all means rein the MIL in, but make it inclusive so she can be helpful as I'm sure she wants to be!

A MIL here. I can honestly say I would not disrupt the pattern my grandchild is accustomed to. I am having to repeat this in my head though as a reminder - 'You have had your chance at bringing up children and now it is their turn. If mistakes are made they are not yours. They belong to the parents.

In my family I have two couples who bring up their (2 children each, boy and girl) children completely differently and I try to respect that. In one household, however, the 2 kids just run wild and it is most frustrating because the children are yelling and arguing all the time. In the other household things are very controlled, possibly overly so and the children are well behaved. But I cannot comment unless I am asked and even then ... I would try to use humour with your MIL and maybe ask her what it was like for her raising her family.

Can’t believe this! The Op needs help with her interfering mother in law not baby feeding advice! If what she’s doing works for her and her baby then that’s great.
Tell your mother in law that that’s not the way you do it and if she doesn’t like it then tough! He’s your child not hers. Are you living with this woman?