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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL questioning me.

189 replies

biiianxa · 31/05/2022 18:38

AIBU to think my MIL is going too far?

I try to keep the peace and often do things that my MIL suggests to avoid any unnecessary dilemmas, but it's starting to annoy me that any time i do things MY way with MY child, she's questioning them.

DS has a tendency of chewing on his hands, probably teething commencing and he does this 80% of the time. often, he'll get rid of dummy to replace it with his fingers, after multiple times telling MIL he's not hungry, she insists he must be as his hands are always in his mouth.

we've more or less fell into a routine of feeding every 5 or 6 hours, which works brilliant with us! but anytime we visit her, or we leave him with her, she's trying to feed him every 2 hours.

it's currently 18:30, and feeding time for DS, we have started him on solids and i have a strict "no solids after 19:00" to ensure he doesn't go to bed on a very full tummy and it doesn't disrupt his sleep. he'll have his usual 6 ounces before bed.

MIL has insisted that DS is sleepy and starts shaking him to sleep after i precisely said it's feeding time and he can take a nap after. whilst i was sterling his utensils for feeding she has rocked him to sleep, his food is prepared and everything is sterilised. I'm very close to having a go at her, because she needs to understand things aren't going to go her way, this isn't her child.

it's obviously not DS fault, so i have let her put him in his crib and sleep now, but it has really irritated me that she went against my wishes.

AIBU for getting annoyed that she keeps trying to do things her way?

OP posts:
Anomonda · 31/05/2022 20:29

I was about to write that everyone seems to be really laying into OP about the time
between feeds until I realised this meant a 5month old is having feeds at 7am, noon, 5pm and 10pm, possibly even less than this. Definitely isn’t enough. However MIL took it upon herself to deny a 5 month old of a feed at 6.30pm when it hadn’t had anything since at least 1.30pm, possibly even 12.30pm. Of course it’s going to be sleepy it won’t have any energy at all, poor thing!!! OP just tell your MIL to butt out and read up a bit on feeding 5 month olds, they can’t just fall into an adult routine babies don’t work like that.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 31/05/2022 20:30

PeachesToday · 31/05/2022 20:26

Half the people responding sound like a classic MIL. ‘You do realise…’, ‘why are you…’.

I feel for you OP. Personally I would repeat the rules to her and enforce it if she dicked around. No unsupervised access until she follows your rules. You’re the boss.

What's a "classic" MiL?

Keep in mind you might be one some day and lots on here often post about better relationships with their MiL than actual DM...

I have certainly been subject to more "helpful" advice from my DM rather than MiL.

Herewegoagain84 · 31/05/2022 20:42

I’m all for it being the mother’s rules / MIL has had her time etc, but does that rule apply when there are potential issues? If a child is being neglected for example (not suggesting it’s the case here), do people just get to say butt out, mother knows best? In this case I think it’s right people are pointing out the gap between feeds is too long. Mothers don’t get everything right just because it’s their child.

EmmiJay · 31/05/2022 20:44

Does your MiL live with you?? If yes, I'd approach the subject gently so you don't create an ✨️atmosphere✨️. Otherwise, as shes leaving for the night tell her to keep her nose out if shes not going to follow your routine. Or just take a pinch of advice from both my suggestions. Good luck!

Giraffesandbottoms · 31/05/2022 20:44

Do you think maybe your child’s stomach is unsettled because he is not ready for weaning?

BiscuitLover3678 · 31/05/2022 20:48

Wow I’m assuming he’s getting a lot of milk between solids right? I’m sure you’re working with the drs on a special plan for him. You know your baby so do take cues from him.
you just have to keep telling her.

Herewegoagain84 · 31/05/2022 20:48

To add, no solids after 7pm is completely normal. At 5 months, he’s weaning early already so this should be a few mouthfuls once a day. If you’re already putting him in three solid meals a day then of course his tummy can’t cope. Milk is the main food until age 1. At this stage it should be literally a taste at lunch.

WTF475878237NC · 31/05/2022 20:51

The new window is to start solids four to six months. It is an anti-allergy precaution.

^ I'm a paediatrician and that's the opposite of what we advise as we now know just how detrimental it is to the digestive system to introduce solids before six months for the vast majority of babies.

gianaInfertilitySucks · 31/05/2022 20:52

Find a polite way to set boundries, and sometimes (for something small) do as she wishes. generally speaking it's always easier to have mil in your side

diddl · 31/05/2022 20:57

Surely the "feeding" that Op talks about is solids & he is having milk on demand?

Odd that MIL should rock him to sleep when she thinks that he's hungry!

ManateeFair · 31/05/2022 20:57

I know nothing about babies so I won’t wade in on how often your kid has a rusk or whether you have an autoclave for spoons or whatever. What I don’t understand though is why you don’t just, you know, look after the baby and use your words to politely tell your MIL what your baby’s routine is.

Do you live with her or something? Because unless you’re with her an awful lot I really can’t see why it crops up with enough frequency to be a massive issue. She rocked him to sleep, once. Not the end of the world?

Original poster
biiianxa · 31/05/2022 20:58

DS feeds 6 ounces, every 5/6 hours, he's worked like this for over a month, it's just what works best for us, if he gets hungry before we of course do feed earlier, but typically he only gets hungry after 5/6 hours and sleeps through the night!!

i'm not under feeding my child, HV are very happy he's 16.2lbs and was born at 6.3lbs. he often gets called a chunky boy, so definitely not neglecting him on feeding!

we were also advised by GP and paediatrician to start at 5 months!!

OP posts:
TheFoxAndTheStar · 31/05/2022 21:00

Maybe work with her to help her understand. As you can tell from the many responses on here, most of us would have the same concerns as your MIL.

I am sure you have some medical reason for the rather unusual way you are feeding, so if you share that with MIL it will alleviate her concerns and she will be better able to support you.

She seems to be coming from a place of kindness and love for her DGS, which can’t be a bad thing.

abblie · 31/05/2022 21:00

Out of this whole post most people are fixated on sterilising utensils ffs mumsnet is becoming troll central !!

Anyway poster have a word with her and explain your reasonings for parenting times and ways if she doesn't accept then tell her straight hope you get things worked out x

Original poster
biiianxa · 31/05/2022 21:04

zurala · 31/05/2022 19:34

It reads like you are only feeding your five month old twice a day? Is that correct?

If so then your mil is right! That's nowhere near enough, but in sure that's not what you meant and something is lost in translation in your post

our schedule is typically;

6/7 ounces at 07:00/08:00
solids at 12:00/13:00
6 ounces at 15:00
solids at 18:00/18:30.
6 ounces at 21:00.
6 ounces at 00:00.

he much prefers bigger ounces less frequently than less ounces more often.

OP posts:
GordonBennetttt · 31/05/2022 21:06

Out of this whole post most people are fixated on sterilising utensils ffs mumsnet is becoming troll central !! @abblie

That isn't calling out a troll. Pp are saying op is being extra by sterilising utensils when she doesn't need to.
**

SnackSizeRaisin · 31/05/2022 21:06

4-6 months is advised for allergy reasons elsewhere, it's only the uk that advises 6 months. Who knows why

restedbutexhausted · 31/05/2022 21:08

7-8 hours between first and second milk feed? Confused

BigskyMontana · 31/05/2022 21:09

5 - 6 hours between feeds and chewing his hands. I would think he is hungry too and if he wasn’t tired he would not fall asleep that easy. I think you should take some advice from your MIL, it sounds like she’s trying to help.

also I would offer food after a nap and a bottle but before they are tired.

SnackSizeRaisin · 31/05/2022 21:09

Guessing op is not in the UK as most here would be putting baby to bed at 6.30 not giving a meal

GordonBennetttt · 31/05/2022 21:10

So you're giving him solids twice a day as whole meals?

BigskyMontana · 31/05/2022 21:11

Just seen your update. That does seem a long time between 1st and 2nd milk feed. Would he take a smaller feed around 11am?

Flittingaboutagain · 31/05/2022 21:13

I'm concerned your baby isn't getting enough milk feeds to be honest and you're interpreting hunger as teething maybe a little too often. Hands in the mouth is developmental at his age.

Original poster
biiianxa · 31/05/2022 21:14

some of these comments are unbelievable. i could give my baby feeds less often and have excess formula thrown out because he will not finish it. if he is hungry i will feed him earlier or more. typically 5h he's happy with! i'm not an irresponsible mother who'd rather stick to routine than listen to my baby. he's having the recommended amount of milk and he's happy just not as often or in as many ounces as typically given. 26-30 ounces is usually the milk he had with 2 solids given, he's happy with this and our paediatrician is too!!

OP posts:
Onthevergenow · 31/05/2022 21:17

I am not surprised she is questioning you! Think you need to share your feeding 'plan' with your HV and see what they have to say