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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL questioning me.

189 replies

biiianxa · 31/05/2022 18:38

AIBU to think my MIL is going too far?

I try to keep the peace and often do things that my MIL suggests to avoid any unnecessary dilemmas, but it's starting to annoy me that any time i do things MY way with MY child, she's questioning them.

DS has a tendency of chewing on his hands, probably teething commencing and he does this 80% of the time. often, he'll get rid of dummy to replace it with his fingers, after multiple times telling MIL he's not hungry, she insists he must be as his hands are always in his mouth.

we've more or less fell into a routine of feeding every 5 or 6 hours, which works brilliant with us! but anytime we visit her, or we leave him with her, she's trying to feed him every 2 hours.

it's currently 18:30, and feeding time for DS, we have started him on solids and i have a strict "no solids after 19:00" to ensure he doesn't go to bed on a very full tummy and it doesn't disrupt his sleep. he'll have his usual 6 ounces before bed.

MIL has insisted that DS is sleepy and starts shaking him to sleep after i precisely said it's feeding time and he can take a nap after. whilst i was sterling his utensils for feeding she has rocked him to sleep, his food is prepared and everything is sterilised. I'm very close to having a go at her, because she needs to understand things aren't going to go her way, this isn't her child.

it's obviously not DS fault, so i have let her put him in his crib and sleep now, but it has really irritated me that she went against my wishes.

AIBU for getting annoyed that she keeps trying to do things her way?

OP posts:
custardbear · 01/06/2022 05:02

Your schedule isn't 6 hourly, so you mean solids every 6 hours and milk in between?
Your MOL should be more respectful, doesn't your DH intervene?

DangerouslyBored · 01/06/2022 05:03

OP, if you include any detail on a post on MN, the majority of the posters will disregard the point of the post and latch onto some random issue that they have an opinion on and they will whang on and on about that instead of offering helpful advice on the actual problem. It’s a shame but MN has always been like that.

Next time, keep it simple, ‘how can I deal with an interfering MiL?’ should do it!

StoppinBy · 01/06/2022 05:42

You only feed him every 5/6 hours?

Is that what you meant to say?

That is far too long between feeds and I can see why your MIL is getting involved with feeds.

I firmly believe in not saying anything unless something being done could be harmful to baby and I would certainly question your feeding schedule.

Anycrispsleft · 01/06/2022 05:44

Your routine sounds a lot like ours at that age. I found towards 5 months my kids started taking bigger and bigger bottles but less often and by the time they were 5 months and taking 5 or 6 150ml bottles the HV said to me to start them on solids. Sometimes they would eat and drink more, sometimes less. Once when they were about 7 months Dtwin 2 ate an entire 300g box of blueberries then took nothing but milk for 2 days, had a massive purple poo and then finished off two whole chicken legs!

I would have really struggled with that sort of thing if someone like your MIL had been at my back, second guessing me and disrupting my routine. And inevitably the routine will need to change, and since MIL is turning this into a battle, she will then feel like she has won... it's tiring.

Can you be around her less often? She can't criticise what she doesn't see.

BeadyBlankBlue · 01/06/2022 05:47

When my kids, now early 20’s were babies, solids at 4 months was advised. This was a few spoons of baby rice, or porridge really. I’m sure they had more milk at that age, than you are giving, even with these solids. You need to research, and be more flexible, I think, even read the formula tin, that usually gives recommendations.

wanderingscot · 01/06/2022 05:51

Ignore all the posters telling you off for starting him on solids at 5 months

I started weaning DS at 5 months because he was a huge baby and starving hungry by that point. Milk would not satisfy him. Baby rice and banana sorted him out.

He's now 16 and I can fully confirm no harm done Wink

Strawberries86 · 01/06/2022 05:54

If he fell to sleep in the short time it took to clean utensils then he was tired and mil was right.

If he is chewing his hands then id suspect hunger too, especially if he was losing his dummy to do it.

He’s going a long time without liquids, even though there is milk in his solids, I can’t imagine going that long without a drink.

if you offer him milk more frequently he may drop that midnight feed. Honestly I think your mil is right.

girlmom21 · 01/06/2022 05:56

You said he sleeps through the night but now you're giving him milk at 9pm and midnight. That's certainly not sleeping through the night.

ObjectionSustained · 01/06/2022 06:01

She may just be concerned because she doesn't understand the feeding times, much like the posters on here. I also think 5/6 hours is a huge gap at that age; DC was 5oz every 3 hours at that point.

When we did start weaning I understood it was just to taste and not to rely on that for nutrition/calories.

But, you know what's best for your DC and as the paediatric doctors have okayed that routine then I'd say you're fine. MiL is going to have to back off or start spending a lot less time with baby, especially on her own.

mumsys · 01/06/2022 06:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

autienotnaughty · 01/06/2022 06:10

Ignore the judgy comments it's very clear from your posts that you are following medical advise. Yes it's annoying you have to be firm. Just say oh sorry mil it's time for tea, you can put him down in a hour. Etc. also have you tried teething rings?

stayathomer · 01/06/2022 06:24

I love that people are saying your mil is bu but putting their own two cents in!!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/06/2022 06:45

Why have you not spoken to our MIL? You are allowed to speak.

DysmalRadius · 01/06/2022 06:50

All those up in arms about the feeding schedule and using that to justify the MIL's interference, you know that the baby was going to get LESS food the MIL's way right? She was trying to get him to sleep instead of feed!!

Calphurnia88 · 01/06/2022 07:17

DysmalRadius · 01/06/2022 06:50

All those up in arms about the feeding schedule and using that to justify the MIL's interference, you know that the baby was going to get LESS food the MIL's way right? She was trying to get him to sleep instead of feed!!

I noticed this too!

SleepSleepRaveAsleep · 01/06/2022 07:25

Sounds like your mil is right to be worried. Firstly you are giving solids too early, so young food is literally for tasting/playing with up until 12 months. It cant be that long since you introduced food so how have they got the hang of it so quickly? I cant see a doctor telling you to give solids at 4 months old so its been what a week/2 weeks since you started solids? You are feeding milk every 6 hours, what other drinks are they having? They shouldn't be drinking water at that age so you are only offering drinks every 6 hours? I breastfed granted but at 5 months I was feeding every 2 hours, it didn't really stretch out much until beyond 12 months as they don't actually swallow much food. Sterilising utensils is a bit daft if you are feeding them food? I've had 3 children and the youngest is only just 1 so it's not like it's been ages since I had a baby the same age! Sounds like you are saying it was on doctors advise to stop people questioning what you are doing.

Sceptre86 · 01/06/2022 07:41

Where are you based?You mentioned having a paediatrician so that made me think somewhere other than the UK? The NHS advice is to sterilise utensils if baby is under your months of age when you start weaning so if you are in the UK that is following up to date guidance. Even if you are based elsewhere if your baby is under the care of a paediatrician then they can sway from any guidelines as their advice is based on professional judgement and what is right for your child. I think your routine is fine and your baby is a great weight for a 5 month old.

You asked about the mil overstepping and I would ask whether she lives with you or you use her for child care? If you use her for childcare I'd stop. If she lives with you then you and your oh need to be on the same page regards parenting first of all. I would then raise it with her in a respectful but firm way. That you are the parent and all parenting decisions are yours, you will not accept any interference no matter how well meaning. You have a routine that works well for you and you are sticking to that, it will change as and when your son dictates. You both need to say this on repeat until it sinks in. She may well challenge you and you both need to be firm bit respectful in laying out your boundaries. She'll get the message eventually if you are both consistent.

clarepetal · 01/06/2022 07:48

JLQ1020 · 31/05/2022 19:46

NHS guidance is to sterilise up to a year so poster is right with this.

Ur MIL sounds like a nightmare

Totally this. And I wish people would stop questioning OPs routine. Totally not the point or helpful, her baby, her choice.
Your MIL sounds tres annoying.

user1498572889 · 01/06/2022 08:01

This post is not about how much she feeds her child or how she does it. It’s about her MIL not respecting the decisions she makes with her own child. OP you need to put your big girl pants on and tell your MIL that what she does is very annoying because it disrupts the routine you have with your child and unsettles them. If she chooses to disregard what you say you know she is doing it on purpose and she needs to be told that it isn’t her child and things will be done your way.

Bluedabadeeba · 01/06/2022 08:02

I don't think this is accurate... Do you have research/ advice links for it?

Bluedabadeeba · 01/06/2022 08:03

I mean for the PP who said the advice has changed re starting solids.. can never seem to quote!!

DameHelena · 01/06/2022 08:03

Everyone who's questioning OPs routine and food choices, fucking lay off. OP, where is your husband? Is he happy for his child's routine and feeding to be interfered with?

stuntbubbles · 01/06/2022 08:08

girlmom21 · 01/06/2022 05:56

You said he sleeps through the night but now you're giving him milk at 9pm and midnight. That's certainly not sleeping through the night.

How is this relevant to the OP’s issue, though, which is that her MIL pulls tricks like rocking the baby to sleep at his set mealtime?

ittakes2 · 01/06/2022 08:10

I think it confused people because you said you were feeding him every 5-6hrs whereas you are giving solids every 5-6hrs but milk more often. I noticed you are giving him milk at 9pm and midnight. Are you dream feeding him to help him sleep through? Our health advisor recommended rice powder in the bottle on the last feed before bed to help not being hungry in the night although my kids are teens now so this might have changed.
I can see you’ve had extra stress due to your hubby being sick I guess his mum is extra stressed too. You getting baby’s food ready and her putting him to sleep is not on and you need to tell her at a time when baby is asleep and you are both free that that’s not ok. Except please don’t sterilise the plates etc. Babies need their immune system challenged so they can deal with germs when they start crawling and licking things off the floor.

SatinHeart · 01/06/2022 08:15

I'm very close to having a go at her, because she needs to understand things aren't going to go her way, this isn't her child

She's not going to understand unless you tell her. You are parenting differently to how she would/did, so that gives you 2 options:

  1. Explain the rationale behind why you are doing things the way you are and try and get her to buy into it

  2. be firm that if he wants to spend time with her grandchild she mustn't undermine your parenting.

Number one usually works on my MIL but we have had to move to number 2 a few times. Less as time has gone on.

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