MIL questioning me.

[biiianxa]

AIBU to think my MIL is going too far?

I try to keep the peace and often do things that my MIL suggests to avoid any unnecessary dilemmas, but it's starting to annoy me that any time i do things MY way with MY child, she's questioning them.

DS has a tendency of chewing on his hands, probably teething commencing and he does this 80% of the time. often, he'll get rid of dummy to replace it with his fingers, after multiple times telling MIL he's not hungry, she insists he must be as his hands are always in his mouth.

we've more or less fell into a routine of feeding every 5 or 6 hours, which works brilliant with us! but anytime we visit her, or we leave him with her, she's trying to feed him every 2 hours.

it's currently 18:30, and feeding time for DS, we have started him on solids and i have a strict "no solids after 19:00" to ensure he doesn't go to bed on a very full tummy and it doesn't disrupt his sleep. he'll have his usual 6 ounces before bed.

MIL has insisted that DS is sleepy and starts shaking him to sleep after i precisely said it's feeding time and he can take a nap after. whilst i was sterling his utensils for feeding she has rocked him to sleep, his food is prepared and everything is sterilised. I'm very close to having a go at her, because she needs to understand things aren't going to go her way, this isn't her child.

it's obviously not DS fault, so i have let her put him in his crib and sleep now, but it has really irritated me that she went against my wishes.

AIBU for getting annoyed that she keeps trying to do things her way?

Two separate things: firstly, your MIL shouldn’t be interfering with your child; but secondly it does sound like you’re leaving too long a gap between feeds. So, maybe your baby is hungry and/or unsettled, which might explain your MIL rocking him to sleep. How do you fit in all the feeds if you’re leaving that long a gap?

No that can't be right? The OP mentions some milk/formula before bed so I assumed there was more of this throughout the day.

Interesting. Please do share this new NHS advice. And the corresponding WHO guidance.

5-6 hours between feeds seems a long time!

6 hours between feeds for a 5 months old??! I have 3 kids and always fed them whenever they wanted at that age. Also at 5 months, they don’t eat that much, the food is only for taste not filling their tummies. Their main source of food is their milk. I weaned all mine after 6 months so can’t comment on the 5 months front.

I would assume its on medical advice

Most five month old would go to sleep if rocked persistently enough and will wake up hungry later this doesn't include ds1 because despite nanny rocking and shushing him like fuck would he sleep for her or anyone but me and she hated it and let me know she hated it my husband told her to wind her neck in tbh one of the few times he stuck up for me

Those feeds seem very spaced out, it's normally 3-4 hours between feeds at 5 months. The nap thing is annoying though, I had a routine for each of my dc by the time they were 4 months and hated anyone messing it up.

Healthy babies should be having breast milk or formula every 3/4 hours day and night, with solids introduced slowly from 6 months as a minimum. Milk should be their primary source of nutrition until they are at least one.

NHS guidance is to sterilise up to a year so poster is right with this.

Ur MIL sounds like a nightmare

Yea I agree with the majority, that 6 hours between feeds seems ages, I can’t even go 6 hours. Babies stomachs are small so little and more often is better!

I’m sure my babies at 5 months were still being fed every 3 hours or so. It does sound like he’s hungry. Perhaps have a chat with the health visitor.

To sterilise bottles its 1 year
It doesnt say other items such as bowls and spoons need to be sterilised

Op unless this feeding routine has been advised by a health professional you really need to go back to more frequent milk feeds and not worry too much about food

Feed every 3 to 4 hours - but those of us with adult children know that weaning used to be 4 months and was only moved to 6 months because some parents interpreted 4 months to mean 3. My midwife told me that when I queried 6 months with DS2. No way would I have waited until 6 months to wean mine.
But no way would I have let anyone rock mine to sleep against my wishes.

As others have said your babies main form of nutrition at this point is definitely milk. You should be offering more milk more often, and solid food is really just 'for fun' at this point.

Some of you sound as bad as MIL, my son was certainly on solids at 4 months - this lady knows her baby and if that's what she wants then MIL should stick with how baby's mum routine works unless it's something obviously harmful

those of us with adult children know that weaning used to be 4 months and was only moved to 6 months because some parents interpreted 4 months to mean 3

This is a myth. The recommendation is 6 months because by this point most babies' guts have matured to be more 'patent' and allow less potential allergens to leak into the bloodstream

Why are people so obsessed with getting other people’s babies to sleep? Seems like a universal instinct even when the parent states quite clearly they’ve just woken up or are due a feed, I’m sure I’ve probably done it too. It’s hard to stand your ground as a FTM OP but you know what works for LO. Sometimes the easiest thing is to just bite your tongue and get on with it, good luck.

Regardless of op's routine it isn't up to mil to fuck it up is it?
Next time simply remove your dc from her arms. My mil was obsessed with getting ds to sleep . And very reluctant to hand him over for a feed. She couldn't stand he actually needed me and she wasn't enough!

Whether or not MIL's or OP's way of doing things is 'correct' is irrelevant. MIL shouldn't be ignoring what the child's actual parents have decided.
If she genuinely thinks their way is causing the baby any harm / upset she should talk about it after baby is asleep and maybe learn why certain choices have been made/ explain why exactly she thinks they are wrong. If they don't take her advice and it really is just a difference of opinion on timings for feeding vs naps she should just roll her eyes and move on with doing what the actual parents have asked.

A calm conversation involving both OP and her DP and MIL needs to happen away from the DC (calm / respectful so that MIL doesn't claim she is being ganged up on...)

I definitely empathise with an interfering MIL, but some of the things you mention sound a bit odd - 6 hours between feeds for a 5 month old is too long. Sterilising equipment is also unnecessary, regardless of previous hospitalisation because of infection. He isn’t going to pick anything horrendous up from cutlery, and he needs to develop an immune system.

If she's making her baby wait 6 hours between feeds at 5 months MIL is right that the poor bairn could be hungry.

Sorry but with your mil, 6 hours between feeds is too much for a 5 month old, eating equipment doesn't need to be sterilised and food should be introduced from 6 months due to gut maturity. Yep mil shouldn't interfere but the baby will be tired and hungry so I don't blame her for being worried.

Think lots of people have lost the point on this thread. Raise your baby how you feel is best, you're the only one here who knows him and what routine is best for him. As far as your MIL goes, put the boundaries in place immediately. You're just going to have to be blunt, and possibly she'll feel hurt, but if you don't do it now, you'll struggle later. Enrol DH too - his mother, he needs to step up and back you up.

Half the people responding sound like a classic MIL. ‘You do realise…’, ‘why are you…’.

I feel for you OP. Personally I would repeat the rules to her and enforce it if she dicked around. No unsupervised access until she follows your rules. You’re the boss.