Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

But how does that add up to £1000? Wraparound care is not as much as 8am-6pm nursery fees?

I use some annual leave in the holidays, surely most people do? Then the odd day of holiday club to plug the gaps.

Clothes you have to buy for kids of all ages and at school they mostly wear uniforms which I get from supermarkets.

DD does lots of activities but it probably doesn't even cost £100 average.

I still don't get it!

What childcare is £300 per month? Really intrigued.

Or if no childcare because sahm then loss is a full time wage.

It's the opportunity cost of lost wages which make the early years so expensive

But that's only 13ish weeks of the year and surely you and your partner get 5 or so weeks of annual leave each?

I'm in the south east and found a holiday club 8am-6pm for £26.

There is no way a teen can cost as much as a preschooler in full time nursery.

That's much less than nursery and is only for 3 months a year absolute max. DH and I cover most holidays with annual leave.

Teenagers...but we have 4. So 4 sets of phone contracts, 4 sets of shoes that they grow out of every other day 😉, huge amounts of food, and uni fees start in Sept for us with one going this year and one next. I look back nostalgically to the days that I was paying nursery fees x 3 and then nanny costs x1 ..

Yes.

I have 2 teens & 1 preteen. Leaving out sports / activities, they grow so much & rapidly, and even if you're not going designer route, you can't clothe them as cheaply as when they are little.

Uniforms here (Ireland) are very expensive at 2nd level

And food. I am not joking, I have cried some weeks as a) they've eaten everything by Tuesday and I can't face shopping so soon and b) the cost - it's a massive change. I used to do my shop (me plus 3 DC) for under €100 a week when they were under 10. I now spend about €200 - €240 a week. That's with careful meal planning & no biscuits, treats etc (they just vanish). I know prices have increased but it's still amazes me.

I don't need childcare as before but I'm still spending more. And everting is more eg their appointments, travel, trips out...

@Oysterbabe I know but that's not my only costs! I never needed full time nursery. But day trips and eating out soon add up. The demands for things such as a bicycle are a lot more expensive compared to toddler stage. I find it much more expensive now, single parent also.

Clothes, trainers, main meals in restaurants park tickets adult flight tickets... its not cheap

If you have to pay for nursery then that’s the age they are most expensive- definitely! If you don’t then they will be cheap. Mine are £55.50 in one day (nursery- so over a grand each on a 5 errk month) plus nappies, plus wipes, plus clothes they grow out of in 3 seconds- my much older child does not cost anything near that. Nearly everything else cost wise can be negotiated or isn’t strictly necessary as they get older.

Put it this way - it doesn’t feel
like it gets cheaper. For one thing the price of a two week holiday for a teenager is an awful lot more than the same for a toddler. Clothes are bigger - more expensive. Phones are expensive and break/ get lost. Driving lessons aren’t cheap. Uni fees and accommodation isn’t cheap.

you have far less control over what you spend the money on - the ‘children’ ask for things and it’s hard up say ‘no’

I think some of you might be in for a shock.

Basically this.

IMO teenage/uni years are the most expensive (assuming you don't do private school)

It's not the equivalent every month but when you aggregate it.

So my eldest 2 DC have costs like iPads, expensive school books & uniforms, no it's not every month, but when I total everything - it's more expensive.

Orthodontic treatment. Phones (my 3 DC have phones now & credit alone is €65 pm). Sports. Travel. Pocket money.

I'm sure in another year or so my eldest can earn some money with a p/t job but I expect the money to go to university savings.

Also - back to food - when I had 3 in f/t creche / childcare - my food cost was so much less. They got breakfast lunch & dinner in childcare. Small snack from me.

My sports-obsessed teens often need two dinners.

Thanks I never thought of that... I don't get enough AL. DH doesn't exist in my household and I do use my AL to cover school hols where I can.

Everyone's circumstances differ. There's def no holiday clubs for £26 in my location not for a full day.

And the other thing re food (yes I am obsessed!) you can't control it!

When they are little you decide.

Now they are older I come home from work & gaze at the vast emptiness. I made a double Bolognese the other day. It should have served 6 x 2. So it was a Bolognese, with some left over. Then I would make a lasagne for another day.

I came home to an empty saucepan (including my portion 😡)

I have now started stipulating very clearly my expectations around food consumption.

My eldest is primary age and in my experience to this point, they’ve got cheaper as they got older. Early nursery was the most expensive, then cheaper after the funded hours kicked in, then cheaper again at school age.

Yes at primary I have to pay for wraparound/holiday club and stuff, plus swimming lessons plus regular supply of Wimpy Kid books and so on, but it’s still not a patch on £1000/month for nursery before you even include shoes, nappies etc.

I don’t have teenagers though so can well believe they start getting more expensive again at that age!

Well, pretty easily I would say.

After school care/breakfast club is £6.50 per hour. Say your child attends full-time (1 hour before school, plus 3 three hours after school) that's £26 per day, x 5 = £130 per week - so, roughly £520 per month.

Add on school dinners, holiday care (averaged out across the year), INSET days, taking time off for sickness, school plays, food, clothes, activities and I can easily see how that adds up to 1k per month for full-time working parents.

I’m not in uk. Full time nursery ( if Ds went), is €170 per month. That’s 7am-5.30pm mon - fri.
So teenagers will always costs more that that I assume with more food, bus/ train fares/ hobbies/ phone/ clothing/ school trips/ etc

Teenagers are the most expensive - they need all the tech for school, grow out of everything, cost the adult price if you do anything

It depends how you live but the teen years are definitely proving to be most expensive for us. Clothes, food, tech, driving lessons, cars, university. Someone else mentioned orthodontic treatment, we’ve paid for that for one of ours as NHS waiting was ridiculous and it really wasn’t suitable to wait.

Haven't got to the teen years yet but mine were most expensive when needing near full time nursery ( especially before the 30hours kicked in). Wraparound etc does add up, but still not as much, though August sucks if I can't get leave.

Definitely agre here as we are in the thick of it with eldest.

Sound pampered some of these late teens. I had to work from 16 to pay for things like driving lessons etc. My parents didn’t have a pot to piss in so I had to learn the hard way. I see 19 year olds driving brand new Audi’s now and they don’t work! How is that?

If you’re not paying for nursery currently then yes they probably will get more expensive for you. Also don’t assume you’ll go full time. I have found school much harder to manage than nursery. When my youngest hits school age there is no way I’d want to up my hours.

nursery= £80 a day, with my hours a day in term time is still £50 a day.

in august my nursery bill for 4x days a week will be £1400. Camp would be half that but don’t need as much as will be on holiday for 2 of the weeks (so £640 of nursery fees when we’re not there…). Wrap around care and holiday clubs are no where near the cost.

my feet stopped growing at 14 & height at 15 so even though my clothes were more expensive things weren't replaced as often.