Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

What do you spend on (say) a 15 year old per month? I don't understand how it adds up to 1k.

Pcm
Gym membership £35
Phone contract £35
Pocket Money £50
Clothes £100 (is it even that high!?)
School lunches £80
Maybe subs for a sports club £25
Haircuts £20
Bus pass £30
Additional food in the house £100

A little over £400 and much of the above is optional if affordable to your household.

When they are teenagers there's no childcare costs and you can both work full time.

So in terms of the double whammy of lower income and high fixed costs the preschool, particularly first three years are the worse.

Nursery is by far the biggest expense to commit too IMO. Beyond that it chills a bit once they start school but they get more expensive the older they get. I would never be in a position to find uni so really can’t comment on that

It's also all the kit they need. I have two teenage DS, roughly the same size so can't hand down any more. They both need multiple types of sports kit and footwear (at roughly £45 per pair) and you don't get the VAT off once they are out of the kids ' ranges. Add the costs of sports tours etc and it soon adds up, even without food and other clothing.

They are always expensive!
Nursery is expensive, when they are in primary school wrap around care and activities like swimming are expensive, then at secondary school they start demanding mobile phones,ipads and laptops and particuluar types of expensive clothing, grand finale( possibly!) Is 17+ with learning to drive and uni.
So basically they will always be expensive if you want a bigger house dont put it off some some magical mythical time when your kids will be cheap(er) it will never happen.

In response to your specific question OP, we moved at a slightly later stage when youngest DC was nearly 3 - from a 3 to 4 bed house with a much bigger garden, off street parking and an extra reception room for a playroom. I'd say it was really great to have the extra space for maybe 5 years, but now I almost regret the move. The extra reception room almost never gets used now - it's a dumping ground. The extra bedroom is my office which is great, but again not essential. Really I think I would have been happy with the parking and a slightly bigger garden (with space for a shed-office). Now life is so expensive I miss our cheaper mortgage!!

Id move when they’re small because the rise is more likely to be in your favour but the older the more expensive is my experience.

People who say teenagers are the most expensive either didn't pay full nursery fees or spoil their teenagers

You don’t have to spoil them to spend a fortune. Food barely hits the fridge before it’s gone. Clothes don’t last because they grow like weeds. Driving lessons don’t pay for themselves. Trainers cost a bomb. The list goes on. Added to which they think money grows on trees.

Tricky to say really. Some costs seem constant early on like nappies or baby food and new clothes every 3-6 months but then when they get older you get big hits that don't happen quite so often, school uniform, school trip, high ticket Xmas present (console, bike), driving lessons not to mention adult sized appetites and more expensive clothes past a certain age. At the moment DS15 brings pretty much all the costs of an adult barring a car and he doesn't do any expensive hobbies. It costs as much to feed him as it does me and more to clothe.

Your DH may be right that costs go down a little once they start school and you aren't having to buy nappies and specific food but as PP's have said, teenagers most likely beat it.

Baby toddler stage is way more expensive so far ds is 10 other then the hols where he foes to clubs at around 100 a week teen years can be expensive if you don't say no to your kids hobbies are also optional my ds does 1 and costs around 100 a month but the holiday camps are though this as get a discount, if I was in your shoes I would go bigger house

I really want to see a breakdown for how people are spending a grand a month on their 5/10/15 year olds!

My DD only went to nursery 3 days a week and it cost about £500 a month at the most. She's now 8 and does a lot of extra curriculars plus some wrap around and holiday care and it's nowhere near as much!

I think the combo of me working part-time and nursery fees for two DC will be as expensive as it gets for us until later teens. We won't really need wraparound care once they are in primary school due to our hours, so the most we will need in terms of paid childcare is maybe some holiday cover, but even then we can probably juggle it between us. I work three days but will probably go up to four when they are both at school, so the added income from that plus not having to pay nursery fees on top will be a big boost, even with the added expense older kids bring I think.

I think it costs a lot to support a child at uni as the government assumes about 5k of support, plus you tend to house and feed them over the holidays.

but nursery was very expensive and its been cheaper ever since.

Lucky bugger 🙈

mine is currently hiding away in his man cave with his girlfriend…I feel thoroughly ancient and no longer required for anything but food

I'm not at the teen stage yet. DS is 7 and he wears size 5 trainers and 10-11 clothes. Absolutely it's expensive!!

School holidays how would you manage? Training days? Holidays abroad in half term are extortionate.

Teenagers by a long long way.

Just to add, my adult children have small feet so could always fit junior trainers. Adult ones cost about a third more, so my teenagers would have been even more expensive if they had bigger feet!

Full-time wrap-around care (breakfast and afterschool club), plus full-time holiday care, plus activities, sports, clothes...

Preschool is the most expensive. You are either paying about £1000 per child for childcare or giving up an entire salary. If your teenager is now expensive than that you are doing it wrong.

@SynchOrSwim my DS playscheme charge £40 per day! £160 a week.. £640 per month. That's in the North too.

That's just school holidays alone.

Sorry those figures were based upon working a 4 day week also..

Teenagers are very expensive I have two - I am shorter of money now than i was for sure

Its never going to get any cheaper than it is right now as one isn't even born yet. You've got childcare costs (the 1k you're down by working part time still counts) then school uniform/trips/activities, then teenagers and then uni if you choose to support them through that.

If the house you have meets your needs, i wouldn't move. The cost of living is shooting up and if by staying in your current house you'll be able to afford some niceties like holidays then i would rather that than a slightly bigger house. If you're cramped into a 2 bed flat and you're looking at a 3 bed with a garden then the move might be sensible.

Ds is 2, and he’s doesn’t cost much. But I would still say and extra £300 min per month ( extra food, essentials). You can say some months are nothing, others more ie £350 car seat.

Teenagers I imagine easily add a lot per month more. Just went away with Ds recently, his flight ticket was pennies and he slept in our bed in hotel. A teenager would require larger suite or double hotel room and full price flight. Plus full sized meals out, train fare, entry fees to everywhere ( under 3/5 is usually free depending).

My nephews are early teens, they both do a sport which seems to cost a fair amount each month.