Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

I pay £2k/month in childcare (and work 0.8). So, yeah. I'm going to see a massive decrease in costs (and increase in income) when mine are in primary school.

As teenagers and young adults they are most expensive , eye wateringly expensive!

I'd be a bit wary if the whole house plan rests on the idea that you'll both go back to full-time when they go to school. I've known a few people who thought they'd be able to work full-time as soon as the children were at school and found it didn't work out that way - in some ways it's harder to work full-time with young primary-aged children than it is with nursery-aged ones.

They are never cheap, but teenagers cost a lot more than tinies.

Do people really spend more than 1k a month ok each teenager?

When you’re in the eye of the storm of pre school costs, such as childcare, it can feel like there’s some financial relief coming along the line…but it then just goes on other things. Tell your DH he still has many more years ahead of watching friends without children go on great holidays in term time, for less than half of what you paid, or buying that white/cream sofa, with their hard earned salaries.

Depends on your childcare bills really. I have 2 kids v close together, and worked 4 days per week when they were toddlers, before the 30 hours childcare. At peak our bills for childcare plus formula and nappies was about 25k per year. They're now in primary and wraparound care for 1, older 1 takes himself to/from school (we alternate WFH). SO much cheaper, amd I earn more as a result of career choices when they were little.

See this is my thought…at 16 I had a job and I stopped asking my mum to buy stuff. Of course she still got me stuff, clothes and things, and paid for my season ticket (football), but no expectation and definitely not more than I had when I was younger.

uni I paid for myself, but I was lucky enough to live super close to a very good uni so could live at home.

my house deposit I was fortunate enough to receive a modest inheritance (about 14-16k) so I could do that without asking for help. This is the reason I have saved a deposit for my son, as he won’t receive an inheritance from my parents (it will go to me) and will be long after he buys a house (touch wood).

i don’t think my parents ever told me to start looking after myself more at 16, it just happened naturally. Worked well for me though because I was stable enough to move out at 20 and bought my first house at 23.

on not ok

Teenagers are the most expensive age group

It depends on what childcare you propose to use but ime pre school is more expensive. Most parents are relieved when nappy stage is over as that saves money. Why not price up holiday clubs or childminder near you but I don't think it would be £12k per year.

Costs do go up when you have teens but you're in control of most of that spending.

I think if you are in secure jobs and relatively young now is the time to scale up a mortgage as you have longer to pay it off. Just depends on why you are moving and how much of a jump.

It's 100% under 5s unless you have family doing childcare for free - nursery or lost income is way more than teenagers. I think university might be comparable

@Hutchy16 I don't remember any discussion it was just the norm to get a job to have money for what I wanted (they still paid for stuff same as you). All my friends had jobs & everyone wanted clothing discounts etc. Same whilst at uni.

Oh then I guess I’m paying for uni too 🙈 individually we don’t earn that much, but combined it is 55-60k - I’ll have to look into it and start some mental planning

The cheapest time is primary school. Teenagers cost a fortune in food, tech, electricity, shoes and clothes. And transport. And Lynx.😆

Thanks for all of your responses. To be honest it was a bit of an off the cuff post mid argument with DH. But I think what I'm learning is we need to properly look at wrap around care and school hols even though that seems years away. We probably wouldn't need full child care over holidays as we have good leave and I think my DH could do some school pick ups.

Seems teenagers and university is a bit what you make it. My parents had no money so I paid for my own driving lessons and uni and knew I couldn't have expensive stuff. But I do appreciate I'll have to feed them regardless and I can remember eating whole blocks of cheese in one sitting at 16.

My nursery fees are currently 1800 a month and that’s for only 2 full days for both and one in 9-3 another day and 8-2 the fourth day plus doesn’t include food or nappies. So I really bloody hope they don’t cost me 1800 a month when older (bar uni which they’ve already got money invested for) or I’ll have to go back to the very stressful (but extremely high paying) job I had pre kids!

Childcare and not working full time so forgone wages are the most expensive stage.

Activities etc are much more optional but nursery at £60 per day so you can Work isn't.

I guess things may have changed now though…best get my finances in order 🙈

Maybe I’m naive too as I’m expecting the baby years to be the most expensive, spending £1k a month on nursery bills working part time.

I have a primary age child and currently they are drastically cheaper than pre school years. The wrap around care is a lot cheaper and a few clubs is probably £100-150 a month (term time). Then school holidays we have 6 weeks we are trying to cover which is £15-20 a day.

Im expecting food costs to go up in years to come but I would doubt it’s £1k a month extra.

Around birthdays and Christmas teenagers will want expensive presents but that’s 2 months out the year. Guess I won’t know until 10-15 years from now

The bigger they get the more expensive they get

Teenagers are astronomically expensive.

@Hutchy16 uni is more than a decade away for me so i'm not going to stress about it as who knows what the landscape will look then.

0-4 - your main expense is childcare/nursery/childminders.
5-11 - wrap-around care, breakfast club, activities, sports, summer camps/holiday care.
12-18 - clothes, pocket money, allowance, shoes, tech, phones, computers, video games - more expensive activities. Also things like driving lessons, insurance if you're going to help with those things.
18+ - university costs, tuition, rent, food...

Unless you are throwing money at teens then paying full time nursery is the most expensive your child will be.

I've never spent 1.2k a MONTH on wrap around care/extra food/activities/ gadgets / pocket money / bigger clothes!