Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

Oh my fucking good god teenagers. Teenagers teenagers teenagers.
Christ on a bike. I am skint 😂

I see 19 year olds driving brand new Audi’s now and they don’t work! How is that?

They must be the ones getting 1.5k a month spent on them!

Mine are 8 and 10 now. 2 year gap so for a while we were paying full nursery fees for both of them until the 15 hours kicked in. I worked pt for 3 days a week; we wouldn't have been much better off ft and it meant I had more time with them. We have never had any help with childcare and pay for babysitting when needed - this adds up.

They are definitely cheaper now, but costs are creeping up. They do a few hobbies and one learns the piano, so we probably spend £200 a month on activities. Eating out and days out costs more, as do clothes as it's harder to get hand me downs. Childcare on average £250 a month. It's nowhere near as much as we spent on childcare in the early years, however, and that was essential. A lot of the things we spend money on now are luxuries - their activities, days out, things like a magazine subscription, Audible, cinema and theatre. I am happy to spend the money but recognise they are not essentials.

I expect to spend more when they reach the teen years. DD has ASD and struggles academically, so I am prepared to pay for tuition if she needs it. That's just an example - it's hard to know what they will need, but I do expect the costs to increase in some way!

Boys can be 20 before they stop growing though.....

But when they were at nursery surely it was over £1000 a month if you are full-time? And you still had to buy clothes and do activities?

Holidays are 12 weeks of the year, there are about 7 bank holidays within them plus most couples would have 10 weeks annual leave between them. So holiday care doesn't have to cost a fortune. Obviously you don't want to use all leave on school hols and want to take some together but I still don't think it needs to be a crazy amount. Certainly not compared to £1000 Evey month.

Teenagers without a doubt. Also that first few months at Uni (if they go) just to get them there, pay in advance for accommodation etc.

Primary school age is the cheapest IME

Personally I think under 3 because of childcare and teenagers because of needs/wants.

I have a 10 year old and a 19 year old and I think without a doubt around 13 plus when they start wanting gadgets (apple fucking everything) and they feel left out if they don’t have those particular things… and the clothes… and the brands everything…. And then university when they fuck up their money and need you to help them out. It never bloody ends. Ever.

Boys can be 20 before they stop growing though.....

of course but I have always found boys don't need so many clothes due to fashion being baggy/oversize. But perhaps it's different for me, it wasn't normal for my clothes or my peers to be funded by parents in our 20s.

I had two at university at the same time as the youngest was living at home and learning to drive. That was eye wateringly expensive.

I think if you think you'll need more space, then move now.

Kids get more expensive, not less, and you'll end up settling where you are and dreading moving once you've got 4 people's stuff to pack up and move.

My parents never paid for driving lessons, car, insurance, university etc. They would probably say I was most expensive in my school years what with clothes, uniform, gadgets, hobbies/clubs etc.

I was hoping someone would be along to say this! Thank you 🙏🏼. Returning to work after mat leave next month and nursery for 3 year old (wrap around) and 1 year old is crippling! I’m glad to read that it won’t get worse!

If you’re earning less than £100k you should be putting the money for wrap around care into a tax free childcare account so you can discount that cost. I’m the same as @Hutchy16 I worked from 15 to pay for whatever I wanted because I already was aware that my parents worked really bloody hard and I didn’t want to waste their money on things I wanted in order to keep up with the latest fads. It also meant I had to learn how to budget. They helped me pay for uni but they had saved specifically for that and I had two jobs there as well. If your teenagers cost you too much money find them a job.

Lol at the people who only mention clothing as a cost once they start primary school, as if they run around naked before that 😂

And the same with activities and clubs. These cost as much for my pre school child as my school age one.

Wraparound care at school varies in cost hugely. Here, for care from 8-5.30 x 5 days a week, it would be £37.50 a week, compared with my (cheaper than average) childminder of £200 a week.

Yes, things like technology and holidays are more expensive when kids are older, but they are also one off expenses and more importantly, optional.

And fundamentally, work is always going to be a bit restricted, even if you work full time, when kids are young because even with good childcare, you've got to plan to be around for bedtimes, have to take time off for sickness, etc.

We were just paying £1300 per month per child for nursery. I'm hoping they don't cost that much again unless we end up paying for university

You must have been paying in excess of £5-6k a month (in today's amounts) for that level of childcare.

No amount of phone contracts and shoes will add up to that. And you won't surely be paying more than £1k a month each for university.

I think someone uas rose tinted glasses on...

I currently have preschoolers and teen-agers. Preschool most expensive due to childcare, teen-agers more expensive now than as primary children.

Childcare is really expensive in uk but I think as children grow up so do their expenses. Maybe when they're in elementary school things are a bit better, but then teenagers are expensive and then university is really expensive.

I'd say teens are probably most expensive- gadgets, clothing is more expensive even if they're not in to designer/ branded, they eat more. School trips, uniforms, equipment, activities outside of school. Then as they get older driving lessons!

I think it’s complicated because objectively, younger DC cost more in terms of childcare but my own experiences are that you get rid of that cost, buy a bigger house etc. and then they hit teen years and start milking you for £10 here, £10 there. North Face jackets, Air Force 1s etc etc. plus full price for days out, holidays, meals.

We are definitely worse off now they are older and I’m glad we stopped at two.

Also, MacBooks, iPhones, contracts. Dinner money is another big one - that’s a fiver a day when you factor in break (god forbid they take anything - it’s social suicide)

Yes, things like technology and holidays are more expensive when kids are older, but they are also one off expenses and more importantly, optional.

Posts like this really irritate me.

I'm a single parent so I can't afford holidays, even tho ostensibly I earn a decent salary.

However technology is often not an option. My DC school is a iPad school - it's not optional.

The book cost is not optional.

And while top of the range phones at optional, a phone isn't, really. I manage that my making it part of bday presents etc

It is so hard paying for teens, especially on one wage / with limited maintenance.

I completely agree they need the latest technology to access educational opportunities. I’m so lucky my son isn’t bothered in the slightest by Desiigner clothes, they just don’t interest him at all which is great long may that continue but hes growing like a bloody weed. And that’s not to mention a sirloin steak large jacket potato vegetables for dinner or two chicken breasts in a chicken curry piles of rice and veg and then he’s in raiding the freezer for ice lollies and crisps because he’s got hollow legs, weve not even hit the teenage years yet.

My teen will be getting android, PC and cheap sim only contract. No mac book unless they pay.