Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

I recognise all of this.
People replying with "by the time they get the bus into town and then a Costa" are clearly not living in my world. If my teens want to spend money buying coffee out, then they find a way to earn that money from somewhere.

Same with people talking about going to the cinema as if it were a human right. It is a very expensive night to go to the cinema - when they were little we used to go to kids club on a Sat morning sometimes, or they look for deals (2for1 Meerkats or Cheap nights on Tuesdays etc) if there is a film they particularly want to see, or make 'movie night at home' seem more attractive in an age appropriate way.

Fill up their time with affordable things (Sports, Scouts, Cadets, etc) and they won't have hours time they need to fill with expensive things.

Driving lessons are £35 where I live. There is no way my dd could pay for those at the necessary couple of hours a week on her minimum wage job in a chip shop on a Saturday while she's doing her A levels or whilst she's at university.

... and yet thousands of young people do decide to put the money they earn towards driving lessons. Ours all asked on their 'birthday/Christmas wish list' if people would give them a tenner rather than a present, which started them off, and they earned the rest. They worked full weeks in the holidays when there was no studying (after exams, obvs, not Easter) and were all perfectly able to pay for lessons, test, licence etc.

Well if you work on a time is money principle then yes, pre school years unless you have free childcare from grandparents I guess.
If they go to university and are living away from home then that's the next huge cost.
And the teenage food and power bills can be a nasty surprise! 😂

I remember encouraging a friend of mine who was worrying about spending money (which she had but she was used to saving some every month) that the young kid stage was a time to loosen up the purse strings a bit to make their lives easier. Because it is a very busy time of life and potentially overwhelming.

Later on choose any hobbies carefully. Dancing can get horribly expensive if it progresses with demands to pay for many outfits and loads of competitions.
Scouts, football and hockey were a bargain.

I know families are different, that was the point of my post to show that not everyone has to spend as much as some previous posters had quoted. My son also wears his boots every day and gets through several pairs a season, doesn’t mean I can’t get them either new or barely worn from eBay 🤷🏻‍♀️

One of the big reasons that teens cost more now than they did before is because of the lack of jobs for teens in many places.

It used to be a right of passage for teens here that they worked in the theme park or a local amusement arcade. Now a lot of those jobs are taken by people who’d previously been retired or the likes. The few paper rounds that are left are done by older people.

there is less paperwork and restrictions when you don’t employ teens. They don’t disappear off to Uni if they’re older, they’ve often got more flexibility because they’re available school/college/Uni hours.

I don't think people are lying just that they can't have spent much on nursery fees if teenagers are more expensive or they spend a very large (and optional) amount on their teens which doesn't apply to the vast majority of people.

Full time at nursery is about a grand and you're still paying for clothes, food, activities (musical bumps, puddle ducks, ballet tots, rugby tots) plus things like nappies, car seats, pushchairs on top.

I can see that clothes, activities, tech, food etc for a teenager is a lot more than for a toddler but there's not an extra £1000 on top of that when averaged out surely?

@bumpytrumpy well we live in town so they don’t have bus fares to pay. I expect them to go to the beach with friends, go to a friend’s house, have friends round here…I certainly don’t blow money on a Costa every week so don’t see why they should. The £10 is in addition to their normal allowance as well so it’s not like they literally have £10 for the summer.
And like I said if there’s something specific that they want to do (ice skating, cinema etc) then we give them extra to pay for them to do it.

@EarringsandLipstick I’ve just seen your other post about food. I’m sorry that you interpreted my comment about the bolognese as snide, it wasn’t intended to be at all

Also just to clarify I am not saying anyone else has to live as we do, I’m not saying everyone should spend as little as we do, I’m just saying that our teens do not currently cost us thousands a month for these reasons. They’re still expensive but not close to the amount of childcare costs for babies/toddlers.

My kids are teens and are expensive now. I can’t really compare to when they were little as I’ve always been a stay at home mum. They want expensive clothes and trainers And money every time they leave the house.

By the teen years things like dancing are often beyond the hobby stage. What if they want to make it their career? Would you tell them to choose something else or find a way to get them into a dance school that will give them the training they need?

Or, you know, people could just have different experiences to you…

I do really appreciate all the responses on here. Obviously this is not the only factor in deciding whether to move but a lot of food for thought. From doing a bit more research and knowing our situation I dont think primary school age will cost as much as preschool, but maybe only by £200-300 a month. But teenagers likely to be a different story. I don't think I can cope with thinking that far ahead, except to say we probably need to concious of not overspending during primary and may need to look at promotions/earning more in the longer run (which we may be keener to do by then).

Yes, as I said, they either didn't have high early years childcare fees or spend huge amounts more on their teenagers than most people.

@JustLyra I don't understand your different experiences point. Isn't @SynchOrSwim saying just that, that the people who are saying that teenagers are more expensive most likely had a different experience in that they didn't have high childcare costs?

Much of this will also depend on what you gain from "a more expensive house" of course.

If that puts you in catchment for a better school - then that is an investment worth getting on board with in most people's eyes.
If that gives you more bedrooms - then that will depend on family circumstances .....how many dc you plan to have...if you have relatives that live far away and want to stay with you when they visit....if you need a home office...... etc
If that gives you a drive to park on rather than not being able to even park close to your house some nights, then that is worth a lot to many people
If it gives you a decent size garden or an extra living room etc etc - wiill all be more important to some than others.

Personally, extending ourselves when we were young has been 100% the right decision for us but - as this thread shows - people have different priorities in life and what is valuable to each of us differs from one person to the next.

I had a nanny.
£20k a year for many, many years all those years ago. Circa £1600 a month, give or take.

I really didn’t just sling my mum £200
for full time childcare contrary to what’s repeatedly being asserted here regarding costs to those of us who did this years ago.

The £200 comment was in response to some who said that their nursery fees abroad were just that!
A nanny would cost you 40k+ now, including all your costs as an employer, I know thats what I was paying. A full time nursery place would be more than 1.6k a month where I live. I just don't think the majority of people spend 20k a year per teenager!

The bigger the kid the more expensive the toys clothes shoes

The £200 was a throw away comment; I didn’t see your mention of it.

And It’s not £20k per child per year, It was £20k for for the nanny who did all three kids, all those years ago.

I have three kids - they now (all in) cost me more than that per year!

We all have differ levels of expenditure, I can see that, but it’s rubbish that teens cost soo much less, without scrimping to achieve that.

Just found this in the times. Can’t provide the link to it but it’s estimates from 2022

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@Quincythequince but you are comparing today's prices with those of years ago. You wouldn't get a full time nanny for 20k now, It would cost you 40k+ or 20k+ on a full time nursery place where I am.

Childcare when v young and again with Uni fees. Mine are 21, 19 and 17 and are bankrupting us again. Two are at Uni and we're paying £1500 a month minimum for them, without any other payments. If DS (21) is still in need of subsidising once DD2 (17) gets to Uni, we're stuffed!! The in between years are blinking expensive, but this is eyewatering.

See my last post!Those figures are coming from somewhere and it’s not just based on what I think.

My kids cost a fortune, and relatively speaking so much more than when they were you with set fees week in week out and with all food included and not much time to do. It much else.

I agree, people aren't deliberately lying but not remembering correctly. I don't think anyone has given a proper breakdown but just said "food" "clothing"

Full time nursery is over £1000 a month and toddlers also eat and wear clothes. That's around £40 a day in total - even if your teenager eats a whole pan of bolognese and buys a new item of clothing every day, you're barely getting to that.

I've never found my kids very expensive, even as teens. They got a modest allowance, a cheap phone contract, a club each week and that was pretty much it. I always bought expensive shoes but none of mine ever asked for expensive clothes.

You can choose to spend much more, but childcare necessary for work is an essential so goes into the 'bills' column not 'discretionary spending' and that is a key difference.