Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

Oh god, I don’t think they EVER get less expensive. Nursery fees are replaced by wrap around care and swimming lessons, gymnastics, horse riding etc which are replaced by bigger appetites, a desire for branded clothing and more expensive holidays as four to a room doesn’t work anymore and maybe those school trips.

Then you get the driving lessons and the fancy MacBook for coursework and the top up contributions for uni together with dropping them off and picking them up several times a year from the other side of the country and maybe helping them with their car insurance.

Then they may come back and hang around for a few more years whilst begrudging you £20 a week but using £50 in toiletries and utilities and another £50 in food.

eventually they go, and you’ve paid your mortgage off and all your spare money goes into topping up your pension.

then you die and leave all your money to them.

lighthearted but true

Depends what sports and activities you put them in and what activities you do on weekends.

Childcare before starting school was eye watering. Wrap around care isn't much cheaper. High school uniforms incredibly pricey plus we needed to pay for tutors. Food bill has gone through roof as they have become teens, same with clothes and shoes.

Wrap around at my local primary is £12 a child a day. £4 breakfast, £8 after until 6pm. So 2 children £120 a week. That’s up north.

I don't think they are ever more expensive than when under 3. Maybe when at uni but Im not at that stage yet!
I work part time and never found holiday childcare wildly expensive, it was never every day as we would always use some annual leave.
I'm not sure how my pre teen will cost me 1-2k a month (excluding school fees as these are optional) in a few years time?!

Then after 18 university!!

My DS was more expensive as a teenager. Teenagers eat and eat. The stuff they want is expensive and my DS was in adult School trips and driving lessons cost a fortune.

For us it was the nursery years, I don't see teenagers costing 1k plus a month.

It’s going to depend entirely on your own situation. My son was most expensive when he was 5-10, that’s when he got through clothes the quickest, and when I was having to spend thousands on golf equipment and lessons etc. Now at 14 he costs almost nothing. Just his Xbox live, phone and food.

but I suspect if he was a girl then he would cost more now in clothes and makeup and activities with friends.

i also had childcare all the way through his life so didn’t have to pay for it, if I had then I guess toddlers would be most expensive

Depends!

0-4 nursery/childminder or by going part time you’re down on earnings. Nappies, formula if you don’t breastfeed, ‘stuff’ all not cheap but can get cheaply.

5-11 wrap around care if you work, activities etc

secondary school can be expensive uniform, kids grow very quickly, keeping up with friends (obviously can say no, but can still get expensive even if you only rarely buy them what they’d like) activities still cost ££ etc

then driving lessons and uni if you can afford to help there.

So in short, no cheap age… but if you’re not paying for nursery I don’t think you’re in thick of the most expensive part. Will this continue after baby 2?

I’d say teenagers. Food bills go through the roof when you’re feeding what’s basically a house of adults from 1.5 salaries

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Sorry, but your DC are definitely NOT the most expensive they'll ever be!!

Try 16 and 18. I think they get more expensive the older they get!!!

Children are only in school 39 weeks a year remember. It used to cost me £1k a month with the childminder in the summer holidays for two kids. Wraparound care was £500-600 when I was paying it. My kids are older and I WFH so don't need it now thank God! I also have a very flexible boss with the summer holidays!

I agree when people say kids are permanently expensive. We aren't paying for the childminder anymore. But we are paying for school uniform and endless clothes because they grow like weeds. 9YO DS is starting to want branded clothes too. Clothes also get much more expensive as they get older. No more five t-shirts for a tenner from the supermarket.

There are days out. £200 doesn't go too far on a day out to places like Alton towers etc TBH. Holidays. Just for us to get our passports renewed is about £400. Games consoles. Tablets. 9YO asked for a phone the other day. Bikes. Christmases. Birthdays. Extra curricular activities. Swimming lessons.

Then of course food. My kids never stop eating! And if you want them to be healthy fruit and veg isn't as cheap as it used to be!

£1k could very quickly disappear IMO.

Driving lessons, young driver insurance, uni, house deposits, weddings..

It's not standard to pay for all this by any means though.

I’m always interested in this…I don’t consider uni to be something I should contribute towards since he will be 18 (I probably will) but I have saved enough money for a house deposit for him in his 20s…I think my way is probably very illogical

My concern if things would be tight now have you considered bigger house, bigger heating bill and council tax, more decorating, cleaning and up keep and them the cost of living increase. In wouldn’t want to be making an financial decisions which would make money tight at the moment.

We have found it most expensive whilst our child is at University (just one at the moment). We pay the rent (£600 pcm) and give £100 pcm towards living expenses.

But this is cheaper than many nurseries or full-time childcare which we never had to pay for when our children were that age.

0-4 becasue of childcare fees
Teenagers because the grow very fast, activities and hobbies can become more expensive and university costs are looming (they also eat a lot!)

It depends a bit on activities/sport/hobbies and how long they keep them up, but they can become very expensive from around 9 until they leave school and then there's the possibility of university.

Once they move to adult meals and all of a sudden you're paying for 4 adults everywhere you go (7yo for DS1, a bit older for DS2)..

Childcare is expensive, but the children themselves cost very little when they're small.

@Hutchy16 My parents gave me a house deposit but I had a p/t job at 17 & worked alongside uni.

Pre school childcare or equivalent costs is the peak expense I agree. But bear in mind you'll want to be in the house that's the right location for the school you want the year before eldest starts.

I agree with pp who said that it depends on your initial childcare expenses. We forked out £££ when DS was tiny.He is 9 and even though everything is expensive: activities, days out, wraparound care, birthdays etc, it’s nowhere near the nursery cost in his younger years. It was slightly over £1,000 a month then.
I’m preparing myself for the expensive teenage years but looking back, nursery fees were an investment. I’ve more than doubled my earnings since and have no regrets, even though it wasn’t easy financially before the free nursery hours kicked in.

Teenagers-with driving lessons and university costs has been the most expensive for us. We didn’t ever have to pay nursery fees though.

I’m always interested in this…I don’t consider uni to be something I should contribute towards since he will be 18

Sadly the government expect you to contribute and any loan he will get will be means tested on your income. The more you earn the less he will be able to borrow, the assumption is that you will cough up the difference .

We have all ages and our pre school child is far more expensive than our teenager. We can control the costs related to our teen far more than the childcare costs.
wrap around care for DD at school is £190 for 4 days a week whereas childcare for pre school DS is £650.
teen DD wants expensive clothes and trainers but we don’t always say yes or yes to expensive activities.