Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

5 people cinema is circa £75.
McDonalds alone would cost £50.

That’s a small random treat too.

All I can say is I have three kids, I had no support during the younger years financially (government/vouchers etc), I now have three teens.

Averaged out over the course of a year, the teens cost more. Way more! I can make that direct comparison and can say that hands down. As have many others here.

If you aren’t going to spend on yours when they’re teens, that’s on you. But that’s the only reasons you will keep their costs down is they do nothing, have nothing, go nowhere and where cheap clothes, and are on a permanent diet too.

Yes because I'm a Londoner (so could also save at home). Not sure why that is funny?

Because your parents gave you a house deposit, so they have obviously spent a lot on you, just after the teenage years, and weren’t then that Spartan, as your post implies.

Nothing funny about a house deposit per se, mine will get one too.

Ok, I think we broadly agree then.
I don’t actually know why we’re posting at each other then? You responded to my first post and I think what I’m saying is that in order to have somewhat bearable teens years, nice things are required.

Every teen is different though. My boys are fairly low maintenance tbh. Big sports players, but not much else that’s dramatically expensive, it’s just things cost so much more for bigger children.

5 people cinema is circa £75. It depends on the cinema, my local picture house is pretty reasonable particularly if a member.

All I can say is I have three kids, I had no support during the younger years financially (government/vouchers etc), I now have three teens.

So did you spend thousands like we have had to do? no gov help either.

Averaged out over the course of a year, the teens cost more. Way more! I can make that direct comparison and can say that hands down. As have many others here.

And I said I don't believe I will spend thousands a month like I did during the childcare years. That's literally all I said, I never said teens were cheap.

If you aren’t going to spend on yours when they’re teens, that’s on you. But that’s the only reasons you will keep their costs down is they do nothing, have nothing, go nowhere and where cheap clothes, and are on a permanent diet too.

Again where have I said I will spend nothing on my teens & they won't experience anything & will be on a diet! I just said I don't believe I will be spending what I did during the childcare years.

If you aren’t going to spend on yours when they’re teens, that’s on you. But that’s the only reasons you will keep their costs down is they do nothing, have nothing, go nowhere and where cheap clothes, and are on a permanent diet too.

If I spend £1500 a month purely on my 2 children as teens then I will be making a saving on what I spent on them as preschoolers. But this is only enough for them to sit at home in rags, eating beans and staring at a wall?

Because your parents gave you a house deposit, so they have obviously spent a lot on you, just after the teenage years, and weren’t then that Spartan, as your post implies.

I never said they didn't spend anything on me. I just said I paid for my own driving lessons & had a p/t job. Neither of those things had a detrimental effect on me & of course I was incredibly privileged to have a house deposit gift & I will always say I couldn't have bought without it.

My childcare bill for twin toddlers is €3000 per month. Then nappies, swimming lessons, toddler clubs, shoes every few months. They cost a fortune! It has to get cheaper than this, hopefully.

How many thousands per month are you spending?

And tbf, my eldest lad is 17.5 - was a long time ago he was in nursery.

The rate per day, back then was (I think)£58 per day.

Can’t remember the exact figures.

I have three kids - I got a nanny eventually. Easier for me and no more expensive.

I really don’t understand the point of your posts then tenji

What has the above for to do with my original post, and the general thrust of this thread?

Well, I certainly can't afford to save for a house deposit for DS so I'll help in other ways where I can.

I'm always aghast when people worry about the the cost of a cot and some nappies when my teenagers can pretty much eat the cost of those items in one meal alone.

Yes, there is childcare when they are small but everything else is cheaper. Tiny little clothes and swimming lessons in the next suburb. Now I'm driving them all over the damn country for their stupid sports that I got them into in the first place.

Of course not!

There are multiple examples of where teens cost more over the year than small children due to direct additional costs, and indirect daily costs which massively jump up.

Its a u shaped curve I think. Really high when they’re young and again when they’re older teens.

The direct and indirect costs of teens are higher than

the £1100 allowance I give them each for Uni alone is more than my childcare costs were never mind everything else
I want mine to focus on their studies so no work in term time and to have no money worries
Others have different priorities 🤷‍♀️
we stayed in our absolutely fine house rather than taking the next step,don’t regret it

Tenji nobody has said you have to fund lots clothes and tech. Nobody has said that at all. But fashion is fashion.

I’m always interested in this…I don’t consider uni to be something I should contribute towards since he will be 18 (I probably will) but I have saved enough money for a house deposit for him in his 20s…I think my way is probably very illogical

But what is the point in encouraging them all the way through primary and then bribing them through secondary to just leave them to sink or swim at 18?

@Quincythequince I'm not sure either! All I have said is that my dc won't be getting the equivalence of the childcare yrs spent on them. That's doesn't mean a life of no joy. There are very privileged & I want them to appreciate it & take nothing for granted. I mean my mum refused to buy me expensive trainers & never did, despite having the money. Some on here would think that was akin to abuse!

Teens as the duration is far longer and starts before 13. Nursery costs are but a fleeting moment once the free hours kick in. So for example planning ahead is good and if funds allow, don’t spend your money at Center parcs on a preschooler. Save it for when freebie activities like looking for bugs and making sandcastles no longer cut the mustard.

Boys are expensive as they eat a lot and don’t stop growing and they’re in men’s clothes by secondary. Girls are expensive in other ways. My dd was mostly in womenswear by age 11.

Ha, it all depends what you spend and what you can earn.

Mine were most costly when we didn't both work full time because we chose to do SAHP.

So I agree with your DH. My teens never cost anywhere near as much as not working full time.

@Quincythequince Likewise I don't understand the point of your posts. You spend more on your teens than you did in the younger years & I think the opposite is true for me.

Until they are teens, you should probably wait to make that statement. I never realised how much they would cost either.
And I won’t buy my DS insanely priced shoes either and definitely Not outside of a major gift occasion anyway.

@Waxonwaxoff0 that makes sense.

I never said they didn't spend anything on me. I just said I paid for my own driving lessons & had a p/t job. Neither of those things had a detrimental effect on me & of course I was incredibly privileged to have a house deposit gift & I will always say I couldn't have bought without it.

Driving lessons are £35 where I live. There is no way my dd could pay for those at the necessary couple of hours a week on her minimum wage job in a chip shop on a Saturday while she's doing her A levels or whilst she's at university.

Fair enough.

Point I’m making is that I’m not profligate with my spends on them at all, never have been. But I can speak from the benefit of experience of having had both sets of children of these ages. That’s all I’m saying.

@Quincythequince you keep replying to my posts to disagree with me!

If you're lucky, there can be a bit of a sweet spot with younger primary aged DC where childcare is lower (only applicable if you paid for it previously of course) and they're still happy to do cheap/free stuff, don't eat that much and can be cheaply clothed with kids hand me downs, bundles etc. It's not going to last though: I don't have teenagers but everyone tells me they're very costly!