Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

@Quincythequince so do you sorbs thousands a month & did you spend thousands during the preschool years?

I’m not disagreeing with you tenji

I’m telling you I’m posting from a position of experience, whereas (it sounds like) you are not.

That’s the difference here.

@ScootsMcHoy yeah hence why I learnt in my late 20s. I didn't need a car though so understand why it's more pressing for some.

I meant to add. We switched to private education in secondary so that’s about 15k annually. My dd wasn’t getting on well academically at the state secondary as it was too overwhelming and she doesn’t do well with disruptive children so turned practically mute in most classes. Lockdown actually saved her educationally as she learnt far more at home than at school.

Did I spend thousands a month in preschool years are you asking?

I had a nanny eventually, so yes, I did.
The gap between the oldest and youngest is 5 years (nearly), so I had my nanny until my eldest was just shy of 9.

Still cheaper over the course of a year than it is now, and has been for some time.

Again, all the reasons why are in my earlier post, and others posts too.

@Quincythequince I don't have teens yet & perhaps I will be proved wrong but some preschool years we spent over 20k a yr & this wasn't even full time places so that's before you factor in loss of earnings going p/t.

To counteract some of the points about teenagers.

Ours are not allowed to just eat the dinner food as a snack, or the packaged lunchbox type snacks. We buy a lot of bread, porridge oats, apples and eggs. Also own brand biscuits. These are snacks. They would never dream of eating their way through a pan of bolognese and would wait to check with me before serving themselves dinner.

They get an allowance that they have to use for trips out with friends etc, they also buy birthday presents for friends out of it but these are increasingly rare and usually only token gifts. This is not a particularly generous allowance, they get an extra £5 ‘holiday money’ in school holidays (£10 in summer holiday). They can also earn more by doing jobs around the house. Occasionally we’ll give them a little bit extra to do something specific with friends but this is only 3/4 times a year maximum not a monthly occurrence.

We have sim only contracts on a family plan that cost £35 in total for all 5 phones: The main phone is £15/month and extras 5/month. We set an amount (think it was £150 last time) that we’re prepared to pay for a phone and they have to pay any above that. DS asked for money for his birthday so he could put that towards one. We don’t upgrade phones every year or two.

Clubs are expensive yes, but boots, kits etc can often be bought unworn or barely worn second hand. I don’t think I’ve ever bought my son brand new football boots but he’s often had ones that have never been worn and the ones that have have been worn so little you can barely tell.

For clothes I buy the clothes they need, extras they buy themselves. My son likes branded everything but luckily he doesn’t mind if it comes from sports direct rather than JD. I also get a lot from vinted and ebay again either brand new or barely worn. My son doesn’t mind because he understands that that way he gets more for the money I’m prepared to spend. He wanted a north face coat, I said ok I’d spend up to £40 on a coat so he looked on vinted and found the exact one he wanted for £35 and bargained with me to get to keep the extra £5. If he’d insisted on it new he’d have had to save up to pay the difference. My daughter is more into the process of shopping than the actual clothes so I can’t really buy second hand for her now but again I give her limits and she has to pay the difference.

They haven’t had any school trips since before covid, they weren’t huge money though. Duke of Edinburgh was expensive (but optional).

Holidays and days out are expensive, we don’t do them often and mostly go camping now (one teen still comes, the other doesn’t).

They definitely cost more than my primary aged child but I don’t recognise some of the figures quoted on here.

Kids cost a lot! But there's flexibility once they are older whereas childcare is set

Surely nursery costs are the biggest. The teenager food shop is expensive but not that bad.

My nanny’s salary was more than that, and it was on par, slightly cheaper than ASC and nursery fees, so I feel your pain.

I want mine to focus on their studies so no work in term time and to have no money worries This is an example of why it is hard to predict what another parent will spend as it is about choice and personal values. I actively want mine to work a bit in term time to learn the life skills and to not exist wholly in the uni bubble.

There are so many variations.

My 16 and 18yr old cost FAR more than my younger 2. Not to mention emotional investment. Worrying when they are not home on time, picking them up at silly hours etc etc.

We haven’t even discussed that here have we. The emotional needles of teens skyrocket massively don’t they.

I could never have predicted it tbh, and yes, the constant picking up and dropping off all the time. Hopefully they’re all going in a similar direction and try to sync their travel plans 😆

You'll still need wrap around care until secondary age tbh...
School uniform, sports kit, school supplies and text books, extra curricular lessons like music or sports, hobbies, school trips, school dinners, mobile phones, laptop for school work, bus/train passes, adult sized clothes and shoes, driving lessons, car insurance, University costs..and thats without the teenage food bill!
He is in for a shock 🙂

Oh god the emotional investment. I never realised how this was going to be! I remember when mine were little looking at my friend with teenagers and thinking her life must be easy and worry free 🤣

Not read the entire thread and never paid for childcare when they were little

Eldest off to uni this year and the costs are eye watering. He pays £9k a year tuition fees plus £4400 maintenance loan to live. That’s his debt he will repay. But parents are expected to make up the shortfall in the maintenance loan which is means tested. I many cases this means you make up the difference up to the amount of the max loan - which works out around £5500 a year.

Uni is really expensive and the threshold for the maximum loan is high so middle earners like us get shafted.
We pay their rent and as of Sept we’ll have both at uni which means approx £1K a month - granted we’ll be saving a bit without ds the mega-eater at home - but maybe knock £200 off that at the most!
im hoping they both find p/t jobs asap! Ds has one here but he’s stopped for his exams, and dd is looking for one (worked last summer but that money went quickly).

Depends how you see these costs. This thread had made me feel a bit odd. Many of the costs didn't bother me at the time. Or I just didn't think about them. Or we never had them. Or we just absorbed them without even thinking. School uniforms I just bought. I never paid very much for clubs, tutoring, or days out. I have picked up teens late from a party a few times, but not that many. Maybe you all spent a lot more than I did!

Teens!

Not all teens can get buses - mine have to get trains which aren’t subsidised

18 yo in Y13 now has to pay full fare which is £13 a day - so add a zero for one teen nearer £300. The other £150.

so £450 per month just to get to school

I just don't see how this is possible. I spend £1150 on nursery for 3 days for my toddler. That doesn't include any of her activities, trips, clothes or food.
My pre teen costs me a month
£10 sim only contract
£100? In extra food
£50 clothes/shoes
£50 travel
£100 activities
£150 sports
Even if I include the school ski trips 1k and theme parks visits , it still doesn't add up to an e tra £13000 a year.

Teenagers by far. The clothes are more expensive, phones, food, computer/Xbox type games, food, driving lessons, entertainment and did I mention food?

@tenjishut as I said, it depends what you choose to spend..

Most of these figures don't add up. Like the last few posters, you can't compare teenagers extra food, to £1500 per month of nursery fees. £18k. Versus paying Uni rent of £6-8k, or making up the difference in Uni grant of £4.5k up to £9k = £4.5k. Nowhere near nursery fees of 18.

A lot will depend on the wrap around care available in your area.

I used to run an after school care and playscheme that was £20 a week for asc, £5 a week for breakfast club and either £25 or £40 a week in holidays depending on half or full days. Due to the amount of grief I and the committee got from parents during lockdown (as if it was our fault we couldn’t hire the school space!) we folded. Now parents have the choice of a £90 a week asc or the £150 a week asc activities club. The only currently running breakfast club is £8 a day. Childminders are very few and far between here and have higher prices and minimum hours now as well.

The area I used to live in still has our original set up. So the cost differences could be massive.

Also with older kids activities are one of the major expenses. One of mine wanted to do Brownies and and after school club. £10 a week max. However, another was really into swimming club which between practise and competitions was usually around £100 a month. And let’s just say I’m very glad the one into dancing ended up not enjoying the competitive/show side because that is fiercely expensive!

One big expense when they are older, again depending on where you live, is school/college travel. I was never expecting to have to pay £150 a month for a bus pass for school!!