Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

Don’t forget if people are talking about teens now, it was at least 12 years since they needed baby /toddler childcare. So that will have gone up, in the same way the cost of having teens will go up in 12 years for those starting off now.

I don’t think I’ve ever bought my son brand new football boots but he’s often had ones that have never been worn and the ones that have have been worn so little you can barely tell.

My GAA & soccer playing son is on his 3rd pair of boots. He wears them every day.

Families are different, you know

My teenagers are by far more expensive than my little one ever was.

I can't see where anyone has derailed their expenses that add to more that 1k a month for a teenager?

Regardless of whether anyone has or not, many have made the point that it's not a set €1k per month. It's aggregated over a year, and if you have several children you'll have periods of massive costs eg I bought two iPads yesterday at a cost of €740 each (need specific set up via an educational company for school). Books will follow, separate cost.

I also made the point that the childcare for preschoolers covers (in my case) most of their food costs, no activity costs & clothing is cheap & basic.

My eldest is 12 and I can confirm they are cheapest when they’re babies and toddlers. Once they’re in secondary school they cost an awful lot. My DS has been in adult sized shoes for a few years now so that costs a lot, clothing also increases the bigger they get. On top of that secondary school uniform and school trips are extortionate. His dinner money is also at least £15 a week plus his bus fare home every day. Then there’s his phone contract every month which isn’t optional because his bus pass is on there and there has been a few occasions where he’s needed to contact us. Trips out get more expensive because they just aren’t as impressed by free or inexpensive places anymore. Their birthday and Christmas presents get pricier too because they start to ask for expensive technology or clothes.

My youngest DC are 1 and 3, they are much much cheaper in comparison. Cheap clothes, free entry to a lot of places, happy with cheaper things as presents or trips out. They just are much cheaper at this age naturally. Primary school uniform costs virtually nothing as well in comparison to secondary.

No we aren't. I had 3 aged 4 & under. I saved some money on childcare when on mat leave, had a short overlap when all 3 were in childcare before eldest started school. I was still married them too, which helped, compared to now.

When my son was a teenager, breakfast was 10 slices of toast! LOL

Two of mine developed a genetic condition that wasn't known about until their teens. I barely work now as I'm needed as a carer. So they, as young adults now, are costing me (in addition to medical expenses), at least 70k a year in lost salary. I know that doesn't happen to everyone but it does happen.

Teenagers without doubt, driving lessons, more fussy about clothes etc. Start saving!

Kids are expensive full stop, my eldest has grown 3 shoe sizes and over 6 inches in less than 12 months. We buy clothes from vinted it's cheaper. 😂
They eat loads too, both of them.

Personally, I wouldn't leverage the family with a larger mortgage.

Im not sure what bit of my post is a choice?!
I dont have the option to live in another country with cheap childcare.
It is a choice to work part time and but if I worked full time I would be paying over 20k a year for a nursery place.
I absolutely factor in my loss of earnings into my budget as that is temporary.

One thing that does tend to happen for most people is that earning goes up as you get older. That helps off-set the high costs of teenagers.

That said, there are a lot of choices people make that could be considered luxuries. I choose to support my children through university, I choose for them to do extra curriculars, I choose to buy healthier food rather than make them eat bread to fill the gap for their bigger appetites, my child who was in elite sports training could have been told 'no', music lessons could be optional. If we really get into needs vs. what we want to provide for our children, it probably could be cut back a lot.

Agree with this entirely.
You can do anything on the cheap if you like. We can all not have extra activities, eat nothing but value food and wear cheap clothes, but that’s not really how it works is it.

And the costs we are talking about are direct outgoings rather than adding on what you don’t earn. That’s crazy. Shall we deduct a potential salary for a stay at home mum too?

You can make this calculation as difficult or as simple as you like, but in basic terms outgoings for older children, all in and with a reasonable lifestyle (not sufficiently parsimonious compared to their younger years) costs more!

My son went through three PE kits and two blazers in one academic year he grew so much.
😱😩

@EarringsandLipstick I have three. Youngest is in full time childcare and the oldest a preteen. I understand about averaging the costs over the year. I guess I am just shocked about how people can be spending over 12k-24k per teenager over a year! I definitely dont spend that on mine and I've added in his expensive school laptop, sports kits, school ski trip etc and it I still cheaper for me.
As I said above even if i pay all uni costs for mine including fees they will still be cheaper than when at nursery.
I do live somewhere with expensive childcare so that maybe the discrepancy.

They never stop being expensive. They take all of the money, and then some 😁

You can do anything on the cheap if you like. We can all not have extra activities, eat nothing but value food and wear cheap clothes, but that’s not really how it works is it.

Well no, you can't do childcare on the cheap, really - there are more or less expensive options but if you want full-time childcare for a two year old where I live it'll cost at least £900, and that's for the cheapest childminder. Most childcare would cost £1k or more. Of course I believe that I'll spend more on food, activities and clothes for teenagers than I currently do on those things for my young children but I don't believe that I'm going to spend more on food, activities and clothes for a teenager than that £12k a year on childcare, I just don't.

University

What if your preteen is discovered to have a super talent for something and wants to make it an occupation? Not something they can put off, but something that must be built on from that age? I'm thinking of one example which is about 20k at least in special training fees, per year.

I was referring to the activities that it costs parents of teens which everybody says is optional, not childcare costs themselves.

But thanks for your, explanation. I have a DSD and 3DS and am a professional working mother and have been there and some that. Am fully aware of rhe types and costs associated with each.

And you don’t have to believe it - of course not.

We’re all just fibbing here - just for fun 🙄

£10 extra to cover the 6 week summer holidays?

What do they buy for that? It barely covers bus fare to town & a costa. What do they do for the other 5 weeks and 6.5 days?

Surely the only thing this thread proves is that it's entirely based on a huge amount of variables? So there's no 'right' answer, really.

One of the biggest costs of having teens will also entirely depend on how sensible and realistic, or otherwise, the school your DC attends are with regard to uniform.

The school my DD attends has a HT who has taken the chance to reform the uniform during the pandemic. It’s currently a very sensible, can be bought anywhere, uniform. The other school locally still insists on £80 blazer, £35 trousers or skirt (in a ‘unique’ shade of grey) and £25 a time shit quality jumpers and cardigans. As well as logo-Ed shirts, PE kit, bag and jackets. It’s extortionate over the course of their schooling.

And your nursery fees? How much are they?

They're always expensive, for me I think teenage years/young adult are most expensive (clothes, hobbies, socialising, expensive school trips, trying to get them driving, Uni fees etc) and luckily I didn't have expensive childcare cost when they were younger, we had a lot of help from my mother and were able to be flexible with our working hours