Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

Costs have been broken down and explained repeatedly, briefly and more in depth many times by many people.

I don’t know what else to say.

I can speak only for myself. I have three of them, I haven’t suddenly become a profligate spender, and it costs me more now than it ever did, over a year.

They'll never be as expensive as they are as toddlers... 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bless him. He's in for a big shock.

Mine are in their early 20s and every year from birth to now they've cost more.

I'll happily come back and update when they start costing less.

What is becoming irritating about this thread is the sheer number of people who have based on direct experience, telling it like it is for them which is that Costs go up substantially as they age, and then having people come one and say ‘it doesn’t add up, it’s not possible etc’

I mean really? Are we all lying? All of us who say how much more we currently spend 🫤

For me the preschool years were always the money expensive because I was working so much less (out of choice to spend time with dc) At least now all mine are in school I’ve been able to develop my career and earn more.

My 7 year old currently costs me around £120 a month on activities, £20-30 a month on birthday party presents and will happily wear second hand clothes.
Obviously slightly more in a month that includes new shoes, school uniform and summer camp for a couple of weeks in summer.
Luckily because I am part time and my DH works from home we don't have to worry about term time wrap around care anymore - although when we did use it, it was much cheaper than nursery fees.

My 2 year old costs me £800 a month for 3 days at nursery and I lose £600ish a month by not working full time.

I appreciate teenagers are expensive but there is the gap between starting school and probably around pre teen-teen ages when things are much less expensive.

I bloody wish we were lying! 😁

@Quincythequince I've skimmed through the thread but I can't see where anyone has derailed their expenses that add to more that 1k a month for a teenager? Could you copy and past for me?

I just don't think see how it is possible and I don't think I am at all stingy with mine. I've given him £50 for a theme park this week with friends and £25 for cinema and food. Still doesn't costs as much as the toddler.

My toddler costs me over 1k a month in lost earning and over 1k a month in childcare, even if I spent a £k a month on my admittedly pre teen it wouldn't be close to what I spend on my toddler. And that is ignoring the fact that the toddler also costs in activities, and outtings, a trip to Peppa pig world is just as expensive as Thorpe park.

Teenagers. To the point I think I need a bigger fridge as I'm shopping daily. Mine aren't into designer clothes but replacing even basics as they grow is a huge hit on the budget.

@3WildOnes - I imagine it’s also on other essentials and day to day, not just cinema costs. Depending on where you live will factor in also
ie I know it costs a small fortune in train/ bus fares for my nephew to get to school. Annual pass is about £2500. So that’s £200+ per month alone.
Hes 12, so although doesn’t need a full on babysitter as such, they do also pay for someone a couple of afternoons each holiday and a few sport clubs so he isn’t home all day alone when off school ££.

I think the most expensive times are the childcare fees (preschool) and then university costs (if they choose to go).

I agree ..I pay almost 1400 nursery fees is never the same to the after school club out breakfast clubs along with clubs.

If you’re talking about spending directly on children then yes my teens cost more but not when you factor in loss of earnings, being early on in your careers and childcare costs in the early years. It depends what you’re comparing. Stay at home parents may notice the outgoings more often older kids but it’s the childcare costs for 2 working parents that are crippling.

The Primary school years are definitely the cheapest - nursery fees were highway robbery - and as teens my boys wear adult clothes, eat (more than) adult portions, any outings / sports etc cost adult prices. Tutor support etc for exams...

University will cost us a minimum contribution of £6k per year (plus ad hoc help) - honestly I think we've been in a state of shock this year!

@Caspianberg my oldest is the same age as your nephew so I do understand that it not just the cost of the cinema and i do chuck mine in tennis or football camp in the holidays occasionally.

His travel costs are only about £50 a month so maybe that is on the cheaper side.

There a repeated Costs description of what it costs averaged over a year broadly covered by multiple posters. I am not totting up everybody else Costs for you, no.

And if you can’t see how it costs more then circa 75% of women posting
here are obviously fibbing just because. There is of course no other explanation 😆

I just added what we might pay on our children when they are at uni
9k fees
8k part catered room en suite
4k allowance (100pw for 40 weeks, they can work over the summer!)
£150 phone.
Thats 21,150 for the year, assuming that I pay for everything and that they don't get a loan and still cheaper than the toddler years!

Teens.
school transport
uniform - no cheap tesco stuff
pe kit - schools chose logo’d expensive stuff, that doesn’t wear well so your replacing all the time. Plus they want rugby stuff, normal PE stuff, football boots.

adult clothes are so much more expensive
mine are growing out of stuff quicker then as toddlers.

school need them to have a newish phone that works with the apps & chromebooks.

luckily mine haven’t wanted to do a trip yet, but they are expensive too.

so that’s secondary. Then there’s anything they might do out of school and before you’ve even tried to occupy in the holidays.

primary is so much cheaper, uniform, cheaper wrap around care, cheaper lunches. Normally close enough to walk. Granted, holiday clubs are mental money.

@Quincythequince I wasn't expecting you to go through others peoples posts! I though maybe you had previously made a breakdown. I can't actually see one in this thread, just people saying teens are more expensive.

I don't think people are lying, maybe just forgetting how expensive the early years are!

@3WildOnes - I guess it’s because it isn’t as expensive for everyone. Like I mentioned it’s less than €200 per month for full time nursery where we live. Toddler Ds doesn’t go yet, but no loss of income since he was born as I had already moved to part time and it’s done from home. So no major toddler childcare expenses.

Therefore any other age will likely cost more. Right now he spends his days happily digging mud and wearing second hand jumpers, that’s free. I doubt at 12 that will be as entertaining

There are absolutely circumstances in which the early years wouldn't be the most expensive - if you're a SAHM who never goes back to work, if you get free childcare from grandparents, if you live in a different country where childcare is heavily subsidized. I'm not sure any of those are very relevant to the OP, though.

@Caspianberg absolutely if my childcare was only £200 a month then my pre teen would be much more expensive. Unfortunately I pay over 1k for a part time childcare place and lose over 1k a month in earning by working part time. Thats over 2k a month my toddler is costing me.

Teenage years, and then, when they go to Uni is probably the MOST expensive, as you'll need to help with rent and living expenses. Both of ours got a student loan of about £400pm, but given that rent alone was sometimes £800pm, the amount we were topping up was often as much as £1200pm.

@3WildOnes - but that’s a choice isn’t it? We were living the London city 70hrs a week lifestyle. It wasn’t compatible with a family. So we up sticks, left for a different country and lifestyle, then had a child. I wouldn’t say my toddler is ‘costing’ me x amount a month lost income based on what I used to work.

They would never dream of eating their way through a pan of bolognese and would wait to check with me before serving themselves dinner.

Claps to you & perfect DC

How snide of you RedGazelle

I wasn't delighted they did this, no, and spoke to them about it. They are 10, 13 & 15. All cool dinners & do housework, and contribute well to the house.

I'm a single parent with a busy job. They have to take more responsibility at times than is ideal.

In terms of what they eat, biscuits & apples don't work. My boys especially play a lot of sport at a high level. While they don't eat dinner stuff regularly, they'll have sandwiches, yogurts, cheese, lots of milk as pre & post training snacks.

No family is perfect & my point about Bolognese eating was how hungry they were & what they were capable of eating. I've made it clearer about asking now.