Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

[EarthlyAngel]

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

. NO child goes NC without a reasonNEVER.*

If course there's ALWAYS a reason. But often the reason doesn't make sense, Some people are just too intolerant I just hope that those people's children dont go no contact with THEM. Unless of course they have good reason. All those saying there's ALWAYS a reason.......what if your kids ever went NC with you. Would there have to be a reason, or could it be self indulgently feeling badly done to. ..... Some people really are like that.

@LuluBlakey1 He also spent a lot of his money on her education, travel and helping her to further her career.

Ok, stop right there! He was a father, he owed her to raise her and educate her.

Since when do abusive parents get a pass just because they gave their daughter the basics and stepped up to parental responsibilities? A child never asked to be born, why should she be 'grateful' he gave her the basics which is what any quarter decent parent does?

No hospital has ever confirmed he had a heart attack. Due to privacy laws they wouldn't ever be allowed to comment on the health history of any patient. So anyone who claimed they did is lying. The hospital would be breaking every confidential and patient privacy law going. Indeed, he was photographed walking around a mall eating greasy fast food the day he was supposed to have his surgery.

Parent-child relationships are complicated, especially if the child still naturally craves their love, many times children of toxic upbringing praise the parent to maintain appearances, to convince themselves, or to hope the parent will see and will love them.

Why did she write him that unpleasant letter

She wrote a toxic and abusive parent a closure letter, as MANY people do on this site, just read the Stately Homes thread, and how the poster confides in people here and in close friends. It was her father who leaked details then leaked the letter out of spite.

Why hasn't she visited him now?

Er, is this a serious question? She went NC. That means No Contact. Why would she visit him now, when she has gone NC?

This man has abused her via attacking her in interviews personally, print, tv, youtube and podcast. He has given more than 150 interviews (vs her one interview all up) through various media. He has threatened to STALK HER. And you have sympathy for him the aggressor, and not the victim??? No wonder say women are our own worst enemy.

Um, yeah, dumb question to ask why she doesn't 'visit' him. She clearly never wants to see him again. She really should be getting a Restraining Order against him. He is dangerous, which is why she is NC with him.

@Swayingpalmtrees There is not one single bit of evidence she is a narcissist. In fact, on the contrary! She has behaved in a dignified way considering all she has gone through. You've obviously been brainwashed by tabloid newspaper lies. She is a role model for women and for girls.

You obviously have bias which is fair enough. Your sister has made her choice and you have to accept that.

So will she when her children go NC with her. She's pulled the family apart all through her self centered pettiness. So maybe she'll come on here and get told "there's always a reason" why kids go NC. She'll just have to accept it

How? How long have you been on Mumsnet, @LetsGoCrazyPurpleBanana ? Often people have to go NC with the entire family, that is so common, maybe read Stately Homes thread, because you appear to be ignorant about NC. And, lets see, why wouldn't she go NC with the entire family?
Her father has given at least 157 interviews about her, and threatened to stalk here.
Her sister wrote a book about her attacking her, and also tried to stalk her and tried to go to Frogmore.
Her brother has also given interviews about her and went on Celebrity Big Brother where he infamously wrote a 'letter' on tv to Megan.

Megan hasn't said one word about any of them.

How is she the problem? Try some critical thinking, even if you do hate her.

Yes, it is always the fault of the person @MerryMarigold . Maybe you should read some survivor stories on Stately Homes. NO child ever, EVER goes NC without very good reasons.

Ever.

We have no idea what went on privately between them so people need to mind their own business and stop commenting. I am NC with my dad and I expect he would give the sob stories to people who don't know me. I went NC because he was a terrible father who sold drugs, was in and out and prison and did not provide for me either emotionally or financially.

@LetsGoCrazyPurpleBanana Oh here we go with the internalised misogyny 'it is all that evil woman, that evil succubus fault, if she didn't come into his life, it wouldn't have happened, the man is powerless and the woman is an evil seducter' line. You're misogyny and sexism is absolutely disgusting. As if Harry has no mind of his own, and Megan that 'evil woman' 'seduced' him and 'changed him'. Pathetic. Especially in 2022. Harry has been the MOST focal of the two, she has rarely said a word. He seems to call the shots, he seems very protective of his wife, and he is the one attacking his family, doing the podcasts, doing the Corden interviews etc. Megan we barely hear a peep from.

But still, according to you, it is aaallllllllll Megan's fault and Harry has no mind of his own. You're post is not only deeply misogynistic and sexist, it is immature, insulting and pathetic.

*vocal, not focal. Oh for an edit button.

If that happens, yes, she’ll have to accept it.

So many posts on here illustrate the really difficult nature of family relationships.Both Meghann and her father were in bizarre and unusual circumstances so the issues were intensified. I'd imagine she'll soon decide there's pr benefits in a reunion but I hope she privately reunites with her father.

@JaniieJones How come they don't visit her sick df who has blabbed to the media

They are NC with her father. Do you understand what that means?

Harry and Megan are not NC with the Queen.

Can you really not see the difference here?!

What did he do? @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation Oh, he only did around 157 interviews attacking her in various youtube, print, podcast, newspaper etc media form, released a closure letter she sent him when she went NC, and threatened to stalk her!

And if we are praising a man for being a responsible father and paying for his child he made, then we really have hit the low bar.

@Swayingpalmtrees It is never going to stop because Harry and Meghan are relying on all of this drama to keep them in the headlines and keep the dollars rolling in!!! I can't believe what I'm reading. We are talking about her father Thomas Markle. HE is the one doing all the talking and won't let go even threatened to stalk her. Megan hasn't said a word about him.

Talk about victim-blaminng.

'They are NC with her father. Do you understand what that means?'

'Harry and Megan are not NC with the Queen.'

'Can you really not see the difference here?!'

He blabs to the media, they go nc. They blab to the media and the rf rise above it and lead by example.

Can you really not see there is no difference to how the Sussexes or TM have behaved?!

It's quite astonishing that they can run to the media with their grievances but are nc with him for doing the same. What a paid of hypocrites.

@PinkLeafPaint You can't be serious! He refused offers of help and security detail even before the wedding. HE approached the media, not the other way around. He is not being 'exploited', stop making him out to be a victim. He vindictively has actively pursued the media via various forms; tv, newspaper print, podcast, and youtube to give around 157 interviews attacking her. Deliberately. Spitefully and vindictively.

Megan hasn't given one interview about him.

@Leopolds There's little to no evidence of any racist abuse against her in the mainstream media.

Ok this is the height of absolute delusion and denial. There are literally hundreds of examples of racism against her in the mainstream media.

Your defence of racism says all there is to say about you. Not even many of her most strident haters on here deny the mass of racism in the mainstream media against her, so you have to be very extremist to deny it.

'He vindictively has actively pursued the media via various forms'

Harry has also rather overdone it with podcasts and various attacks and I believe we've another tell all due later this year probably with outrage, gripes and perceived slights from the Jubilee. The Sussexes can dish it but sure cannot take it.

They did one interview. One. She barely mentioned him, and never mentioned him ever again after.

He was done well over 150 in newsprint, tv, youtube, podcast. And threatened to stalk her.

Can you really NOT see the difference?

Thomas Markle has been on the telly, time and time again, saying he’d continue to bad mouth give interviews about Meghan until she gives in and allows him to see her children. That’s blackmail and absolutely should not be tolerated. I wouldn’t allow him to see my children either. He just sees her as a pay cheque, now, nothing else.

Meghan asked him to stop speaking to the press, but instead he sold her letter to the Daily Mail, knowing full well it would be published and now has Piers Morgan and Dan Wootton on speed dial. Why on earth would or should she risk spending any time at all with him? We all know it would be on the front page of the Fail within minutes.

I went NC with my parents and my sister. It wasn’t on a whim, although they’d all say it was. I’m now low contact with my parents but don’t see my sister. My mother was an abusive bully because I wasn’t a boy. She went on to have my brother but got PND after and took it out on me my entire life. Then she extended that to my kids. I took it for so long before I couldn’t take it any more.

One day my dad phoned me to ask why I wasn’t in contact anymore, so I told him. He was gobsmacked. I genuinely think he didn’t realise a lot of what was going on because he worked 2 jobs and was rarely at home. I don’t know if he believes what I said because he’s incredibly loyal to my mother. What I do know is that before my gran died (my dads mum) she told me she was well aware of what had gone on but was powerless to do anything. Ironically I was her favourite, but that was another stick that my mother used to beat me with.

My sister is just a nasty cow. She’s a bully. She always has been. At a school reunion people told me they’d not been allowed to be friends with me because my sister was so nasty. However, I expect if any asks why we don’t have a relationship it will be my fault.

Again, all these stories- there are always reasons. You know why. Maybe it's because they have a controlling partner, or an abusive partner. Maybe they have a personality disorder. Maybe it's something you've done. It may be all about you or all about them, but you know why.

So you know why. You may not feel it's fair or right, but you know why, even if you don't like it.

'They did one interview. One. She barely mentioned him, and never mentioned him ever again after.'

You're missing the point, totally. The Sussexes have done the same to Harry's family as TM has done to them. Interviews, comments, podcasts, books. Except the RF hasn't done what they did in return, they had every right to go nc with petulant Harry but no, they keep inviting him back while they keep a dignified silence. Although I wonder if that may change once the Queen isn't around anymore.

They are just as bad as TM.

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness.

This says it all. All about the parents feelings, not a thought about why the child might have cut contact in the first place.

My kids are my life, and there is nothing that could convince me to sell them out or embarrass them for my own gain. Not even ‘so they can’t just erase and forget about you.’ No normal loving parent would. The fact that you are able to justify this disgraceful behaviour speaks volumes.