Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

[EarthlyAngel]

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

They didn’t actually ever say they were going to live or expect a completely private life. I think Meghan has spoke out about that, but it’s something Meghan haters like to pretend they’ve said.

it’s not really sad for us. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I only ever hear about them on mumsnet or when I look at the daily mail. Both avoidable. They’re living their life as they’re allowed to. As is Thomas Markle.

I'm sure it hurts to be cut off, yes. But nobody cuts someone off for zero reason.

People can't expect to make their loved ones feel like shit on a regular basis and still have them around. You reap what you sow.

Nobody cuts contact for no reason
Yes they do, all situations are different, that's like saying it must always be the parents to blame, read my post. There's good and bad in all families.

10:46

I'm sure it hurts to be cut off, yes. But nobody cuts someone off for zero reason

Im sure if we all thought hard enough we could manage to think of a grievance against our parents, however flimsy, there certainly won't be "zero reason" Most of us don't cut them off for it. Otherwise no one would speak at all.

Markle is an attention seeking failure. A total embarrassment as a father

Agree with this but the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree AT ALL. They both love attention and being in the media. She loves being in the media telling the media she doesn't want to be in it but while you're here.....

Can't stand her just as much as he's no place carrying on. Absolute circus... Poor old Harry will wake up one day and it will be all too late.

But that’s just your account. No doubt your sister would have more to say. You don’t get to judge what is a good enough reason anyway. My parents and sibling do lots of minimising too.

Her father behaved appallingly. Staging photos, selling his story over and over. Him and her half sister are toxic.

Can’t see that I’ve seen any reason to call him toxic. He’s been hounded by the persuasive press, and talked to them, which may have been a mistake, but has MM been lovely? No not at all. And he hasn’t had the benefit of paid advisers helping him, he’s just been exploited to sell newspapers.

But that’s just your account. No doubt your sister would have more to say. You don’t get to judge what is a good enough reason anyway

So she waited till she no longer needed them then dropped them from her life. I think that says it all, and she gave her reasons. They were unbelievably trivial. Even her own kids say so.....and with respect i'm sure I understand the dynamics of the family better than you. Oh and it's not just my account.

Its not anyone else’s place to call them trivial. Your sister has the right to make her own decisions.

People often hold onto these relationships longer than they should in fucked up circumstances.
With respect, I’m sure your sister knows the circumstances better than you and made the correct decision for her.

'Stop being gossip whores and slaves to Scheleb Culture.'

The Sussexes colluded in a 'gossip whore' book called Finding Freedom. They were 'slaves to Scheleb Culture' by featuring in the Oprah trashfest. They have treated his family appallingly, yes TM has done similar. Perhaps they could bond over their shared habit of oversharing, swap notes and tips.

I really hope we won't have close ups of H's glowering face at any jubilee events. All for the Netflix $$ then he'll no doubt trash them all again.

He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness

Perhaps the key word there is "his" truth. It seems a fashionable concept, but doesn't actually exist; something's either the truth or it isn't, and that applies to everyone else involved in this mess too

Since none of us are there we may never know the full truth of any of it; all we get is what's reported when the next one scuttles to the media, plus what they actually say and do in person - and the second bit is what some of us prefer to base our views on

None of us know the myriad ways Meghan and her father have hurt each other. What we do know is that she and Harry raced into a huge global event of a wedding without him ever meeting her father. That is extraordinary. I can't think of a single person I know who married without meeting their partner's family first. It is not as if they couldn't afford a plane fare or time off.

People often hold onto these relationships longer than they should in fucked up circumstances.
With respect, I’m sure your sister knows the circumstances better than you and made the correct decision for her.

Sorry but you're completely wrong. She hasn't made the right decision with our parents. She's hurt them deeply. They've been wonderful parents and grandparents to her kids. She's also dropped lots of other family members who've always been good to her. She's a drama queen. She's even funny with her own kids. It's not all clear cut in family relationships. Not all children are perfect.

Your username

Is that you, mum?

My sister dismisses my reasons for going no contact as trivial and also claims I used my parents for childcare and dumped them when I no longer needed them. Fact is I never wanted to leave my young child with them at all but was manipulated into it because I was so damaged by them that I didn't have the ability to stand up to them. Until my DD told me that grandad smacked her, then I found the strength to 'dump them'. But even that was diminished, it never did us any harm, blah, blah, blah. He used to take his fucking belt off to me! Trivial my arse.

You obviously have bias which is fair enough. Your sister has made her choice and you have to accept that.

Your username

My username? What’s wrong with it? 😂

But why is it abusive of Thomas to speak to the press and air his dirty laundry, but fine for Megan and Harry to do so?

As you'll have noticed that's a pretty good question which is very rarely answered, and any answer at all usually boils down to "they had no choice" and "they were forced", as if H&M are mere playthings of fate and lack any agency

IMO what the whole lot of them really lack - RF included - is any judgement

Well, this is hilarious. A case in point how people presume the ‘cut off’ person did wrong.

I was actually cut off as I confronted my mother about being sexually abused by an older sibling as an 8 year old and her subsequent behaviour to me which led to me developing long term MH issues, among other things, like her refusing to allow contact with my father after he left her due to her numerous affairs. She then told my siblings they had to choose between her and me and I have been totally ostracised ever since. DC have been ghosted by aunts, uncles and cousins.

My mother cut contact with her own siblings as well as they didn’t approve of her getting pregnant by a literal boy 10 years younger than her when she had 6 kids already by 2 different fathers before her divorce from my father had even gone through! This is in the 70s. So we lost aunts, uncles and cousins as DC too.

Also cut contact with my father obviously. He had adopted her 4 children from her first marriage. She moved us all 200 miles away with my stepfather without telling him. Neighbours told him we’d left when he arrived to try to see us a few days later.

Im sure my mother has her side of the story. I’ve often wondered what she tells people, 4 GC down. She told me she wanted ‘peace’ in her old age and had no regrets. Obviously didn’t want to help me give ‘peace’. Cutting me off was a deliberate punishment as she knew I was very family oriented, arranged family events so we’d all see each other etc.

Despite knowing what my mother is, I loved her very much and will never get over her ditching me and my DC just so she didn’t have to apologise or reflect on HER behaviour. I also loved my siblings. I have lost 34 family members in total. Literally overnight.

While my situation is different from the Markle’s. I have been on the receiving end of a narcissist and can understand why Thomas lashed out and tried to embarrass Meghan. There will be no reconciliation and there was never any chance of one, so staying silent would have achieved nothing apart from make Thomas look more like the guilty party which I don’t believe he is at all.

The fact that she didn’t feel it important that Harry meet him BEFORE the wedding but still asked him to walk her down the aisle says it all. Knowing how cunning narcs are, I wouldn’t be in the least surprised if Thomas was set up so he looked awful, doing exactly the same thing that Meghan has been doing since before she met Harry, and the stress of the vilification and his daughters ‘upset’ at him caused his heart attack. How did the story break that he’d entered in a photo deal? The fact that he hasn’t called her out as what he probably knows she is, is to his credit IMO.

@Leopolds dignified and maintains silence about her grievances is a bit of a stretch.

She has never once publicly commented on her father, brother or sister. Or mother, for that matter. So yes, she has maintained a dignified silence.

All she ever does is whine about what an oppressed, multimillionaire duchess she is.

She gave one public interview, and it was about the racist abuse she experienced.

she is a narcissist who dumps people when they are no longer useful to her or fulfil the roles she expects of them.

There is zero evidence she has ever dumped anyone, in fact, she has long standing friends of decades. Perhaps don't be gullible enough to believe all the lies you read in the tabloid papers.

They gave one interview. One.

He, however, has given what? 157 interviews (a pretty conservative estimate) all up combining print, tv etc, and he threatens to stalk her to London and everywhere until she talks to him? And then Samantha's book, her brother's 'letter' on tv? Vs one interview. Get real.

@Ihatemyroad If you truly believe that your MIL's best friend and husband (who you don't even know) honestly don't know why, you are very gullible. NO child goes NC without a reason. NEVER. Stop being so gullible and believing your MIL's friend's gaslighting and lies.

Meghan seems the sort to cut eveyone out including the royal family. I think YANBU and she's very unfair to her father (even if a tricky)

I've also just been reminded of Meghan's email to Jason Knauf (included in the court submissions I believe) where she alleged that Samantha "lost custody of all three of her children from different fathers"

FWIW I've no idea how many DCs Samantha's had, far less if the custody thing's true, but how on earth was this spite about such intimate details relevant to anything, and how does it fit with someone who complains that others are out to discredit her?