To not stop doing jobs to have sex with my husband

[nirvanauk]

We have 2 young DC, grandparents looked after them yesterday for a few hours so we had sex and went out for lunch.

The kids have been to their other grandparents this afternoon and I went to get my nails done. Came back at 3.15pm and DH had been back from work about 5 mins, we had an hour or so until he needed to pick the DC up.

DH asked me if I wanted to have sex, I said ’we only did it yesterday!’, he said ‘so?’. I replied that I had a load of jobs to do.

He was sat on the sofa and I went to sit down in the same room sorting some paperwork out. He looked at me and said ‘are you actually being serious? You’re going to do that now?’. I said ‘yes I’ve got loads to do’. He said ‘only because you’ve been sat for the last 2 hours doing nothing’.

I asked him whether he’d ever considered helping me out with my jobs. He said ’no, I’ve just considered being a husband to my wife’

At which point I started getting really annoyed and told him to stop guilt tripping me. I said it wasn’t fair and he was upsetting me.

He said that he had come back from work to spend some time with me before picking the kids up and he was upset that I didn’t want to have sex, and that I had to always make it about me by telling him he’d upset me by the way he spoke to me. He stormed out saying he would just go and get the DC

Who’s being unreasonable here?

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I would feel very rejected if my partner chose to do some paperwork rather than get jiggy with me, in rare childfree time.

You make massive mind reads about other people's posts and then call them disgusting and say there's something seriously wrong with them. Just look at the volume of posts that disagree with you and just pause to wonder why that is. I think most people are stating that the OP is as much of a dick as her DH and their interaction was pretty dysfunctional. No-one is stating she is unreasonable for wanting sex NO-ONE. You have totally made that up and you should be ashamed of yourself for being so judgemental.

@LimpBiskit You make massive mind reads about other people's posts and then call them disgusting and say there's something seriously wrong with them.

I’m not reading their minds. I’m reading their words. The comments and language posters are choosing. It’s misogynistic and coercive. Sorry you don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand how these PP’s are coming across.

Just look at the volume of posts that disagree with you and just pause to wonder why that is

Because we live in a society that sexually objectifies women. Do I need to re-list many of those disgusting comments? Trying to inflict shame and guilt onto the OP? That she should have chosen “fun” over chores? That should be ready in the bedroom every time their children leave the house?

I think most people are stating that the OP is as much of a dick as her DH and their interaction was pretty dysfunctional

Dysfunctional because she was being totally honest? As much as a dick as her DH because she gave reason for saying no?

No-one is stating she is unreasonable for wanting sex NO-ONE

Do you mean “she is unreasonable for not wanting sex? I’ll assume that’s what you mean.

Re read the posts. I’ll highlight one below:

He suggested fun. You chose chores. Yabu. < This right here is someone saying the OP is unreasonable for not wanting sex.

You have totally made that up and you should be ashamed of yourself for being so judgemental.

Ashamed of myself? For being judgemental?
Hahahahahah please, take a long hard look at the vile misogyny on this thread. I feel sorry for you.

You clearly are not up for any discussion and would rather just be abusive to other posters so I'm out.

@LimpBiskit You clearly are not up for any discussion and would rather just be abusive to other posters so I'm out.

No worries. There really is no room for discussion about a woman who did not want to participate in intercourse with her spouse. That’s it. That’s the bottom line.

NO MEANS F*CKING NO.

Why should there be a discussion about it?

I asked him whether he’d ever considered helping me out with my jobs. He said ’no, I’ve just considered being a husband to my wife’

⬆️ Is really passive agressive.,

If the chores were split more equally and mental load shared,,you might have more headspace for sex, op. Why do most men not get this?

Chore play,!!!!! yes it’s boring but basically if you want to get ya rocks off make sure I have the head space to join you. If my heads saying I need to sort the insurance renewal, my reaction is going to be a disinterested ‘but we did it yesterday’ especially if dh is going to want fun and I’m still expected to do the bloody insurance whilst he watches tv coz he’s now tired etc. change the bed- fresh sheets are inviting, clean the shower and offer to scrub my back. Sulking however doesn’t have the same effect

How about we get the kids to bed early and have an early night ourselves Wink." Why does it have to be on HIS terms? I'm sure he wouldn't have turned down OP later on that evening.

If she felt like sex she could offer later. If not, she doesn't have to of course.

I would feel very rejected if my partner chose to do some paperwork rather than get jiggy with me, in rare childfree time.

If you just got laid the day before then it's not like you're being perma-rejected. Do you feel like sex at all times? Not everyone does/most people don't, and that's ok.

No-one is stating she is unreasonable for not wanting sex NO-ONE.

@LimpBiskit A fair few people have, actually.

I asked him whether he’d ever considered helping me out with my jobs. He said ’no, I’ve just considered being a husband to my wife’

⬆️ Is really passive agressive.

@Bien22 Yep, and if he were being a husband that could've meant helping his wife anyway. Any man can give a woman a shag or pester her for sex, it takes a partner to help their partner with life.

Marriage= permanent access to someone's body on demand is so last century or more.

Its quite easy for kids to put 2 and 2 together when their parents send them to bed early.

Apologies if my post has somehow added to any unrest on this thread. I was coming from the POV that the OP had enjoyed herself previously and may be i missread things. 100% in ALL circumstances, no means no. Again apologies.

However i am shocked at how nasty some on here can come across regardless of opinions. I will now avoid subjects like this, not because i dont have confidence in my opinions, more that i dont think nastiness has any place in improving issues