Confused about where I stand- FWB

[Applesandlemons19]

Hi

I am posting here for some advice as I’m confused at the moment. I have been seeing someone for a while and it has been FWB/casual. I’m not sure where I stand though as the last few times we have seen each other he has been kissing and cuddling me. We chat for hours and he makes me laugh. He also sends me texts such as ‘good night beautiful’ and others like that.

Is this typical of FWB? I’m not sure what his thoughts are but I have started to develop feelings.

There is a few red flags though because he never arranges a day to next meet. He will ring me and ask to see me on the day or ask what I’m doing later. Sometimes it can be 10pm at night. I never know when I’m next going to see him. It could be 2 days or a week, I just never know until he decides he would like to see me. Sometimes he will blow hot and cold. He will be texting all day sometimes then others not at all.

If this was just casual sex to him would he be kissing me and staying to cuddle after and sending me texts like that?

What if the woman is keeping her options open in case someone hotter than her FWB comes along? Is that permissible?

I’m quite confused as he has been messaging me saying he misses my company and hopes I will see him this weekend. He said he has been thinking about being laid with me cuddling.

Have you taken anything in that has been said to you?

he wants to ejaculate in you.

that’s all he wants

there is nothing to be confused about

this bloke hasn’t even took on a date. He literally could be texting you whilst defecating. Texting is lazy

but go ahead and believe what you want- you clearly want to believe that you are special and he secretly loves you, so go for it

I have taken in everything that has been said. I definitely won’t be seeing him

Also I do not think I am special to him. As I explained my self esteem is low at the moment

As I said before, it's not just women who enjoy cuddling. Everyone gets an oxytocin release from cuddling.

The best thing you can do for your self esteem is to tell him it isn't working for you anymore, not engage in any back and forth, block him so you can't be manipulated (in case that is his intention) and start focusing on yourself

Just remember how you said this earlier in the thread:

on a few occasions I have tried to slow things down and I’ve even told him I felt I was more interested than he was. He ‘steps his game up’ when I say things like that but a couple days later we are back to square one and he is being the same

His messages to you now are very likely to be this pattern. He feeds you a little bit of what you want, to keep you engaged, because he doesn't want to lose his easy access to sex. It takes a lot of effort to go find another fuckbuddy.

you seem to think the cuddling is meaningful.

it doesn't have to be. I never slept with anyone I didn't want to cuddle but that didn't mean I wanted a relationship. I just like cuddles.

He said he has been thinking about being laid with me cuddling.

And you’ve been thinking how ‘used’ you feel.

I’m not saying he isn’t being honourable. But it may be that he is saying what you want to hear now you have taken control and backed off. Seems a bit convenient that he has stepped up now that you have withdrawn.

As others have said, you need to be honest about what you want going forward and how you feel and what you would like from him should you rekindle.

Only you know him. But honesty is needed going forward. This needs to make both of you happy. Not just him.

Sorry - x- post OP.

you posted this Also I do not think I am special to him.

Then block, move on and wait for someone who makes you feel special

He still only wants just to be in bed with you.

He isn’t even trying. 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is actually more to life than sex. Especially with people you genuinely consider to be friends.

Of course it is.
Look I'm sick of the b. s. spouted here. You know as well as I do that most men don't want women as actual friends: acquaintances maybe, good work colleagues but not actual bona fide friends.
You also know full well that men aren't as fussy about sexual partners as women are.
In short there is rarely any friendship just convenient sex.
What is more, no woman ever ever wants to be referred to as a mate by a man she's into. Just like a man doesn't.
We all know 'friend' is code for I'm not that into you.
It hurts. Really hurts. That's why @LongFatWeener69 's partner will never ever forget being his' friend' and will be forever bitter because chances are she was always really into him.
And when she's sick of being besotted by him, it will be thrown in his face.

He thinks he's a clever one though. 🙄

Look I'm sick of the b. s. spouted here. You know as well as I do that most men don't want women as actual friends: acquaintances maybe, good work colleagues but not actual bona fide friends.

Good grief! I must have imagined all those nights out I've had with a mixed group of male and female friends.

Were they actual friends, though? Or just women you quite liked as people. Would you be alone with them alone late at night? I don't think so really.
In any case the truth is men and women tend to want genuine friends of the same sex.
You've ignored the rest of what I said, though.
Truth is the friend bit of fwb doesn't usually exist.
If a bloke I wanted to date had fwb's previously I'd avoid him: not because he'd slept with women (he could have had dozens of one - night stands for all I care) but because I'd mark him down as an idiot with no understanding that the poor women he was fwb's with probably wanted more. Not nasty as such but unaware.
I'd assume he was emotionally retarded in some way with no understanding of the opposite sex.

What?? I’ve have many male friends. Genuine platonic friendships. Of course men like females as friends, what on earth are you even on about? My best friend is male - 35 years of pure platonic friendship. Ew, I couldn’t even consider kissing him and I’m sure the feeling is very mutual.

I’ve also had FWB, as a female, and definitely didn’t want anything more from those men! Some women do just like having sex, just for the sake of having sex and want nothing more from the ‘situation’. It’s a bit narrow minded to think that women can never benefit from such a set up or that the woman will develop feelings. Some do, some don’t. Just like some men do and some don’t.

best thing you could do OP is block that guy. He's the worst kind of selfish, cruel cunt. He knows he's messing with your feelings and really causing you hurt and he doesn't give a shit, in fact it actually sounds like he's getting off on this "game"