Confused about where I stand- FWB

[Applesandlemons19]

Hi

I am posting here for some advice as I’m confused at the moment. I have been seeing someone for a while and it has been FWB/casual. I’m not sure where I stand though as the last few times we have seen each other he has been kissing and cuddling me. We chat for hours and he makes me laugh. He also sends me texts such as ‘good night beautiful’ and others like that.

Is this typical of FWB? I’m not sure what his thoughts are but I have started to develop feelings.

There is a few red flags though because he never arranges a day to next meet. He will ring me and ask to see me on the day or ask what I’m doing later. Sometimes it can be 10pm at night. I never know when I’m next going to see him. It could be 2 days or a week, I just never know until he decides he would like to see me. Sometimes he will blow hot and cold. He will be texting all day sometimes then others not at all.

If this was just casual sex to him would he be kissing me and staying to cuddle after and sending me texts like that?

Nah then, me ‘old dude.

Referring to one’s self as a challenger and taking the lead, saying what he really thinks and feels - isn’t attractive. Not in the slightest.

You seem to think the only way to land a phone number or a date is to be seen as a “challenge” or a “game play”. Stand out from the “wet lettuces”.

(By the way, a wet lettuce isn’t a nice/pushover guy)

I’m not sure what type of women find you attractive, but I can put money on it being a naive and vulnerable soul.

Si’ thi.

@BadNomad

My bad.

YorkshireDude thinks you're a wet-lettuce and a turn-off to women. Do you agree? 🤔

Nothing you’ve listed about her is cute though, is it?

Cleaning golf clubs and kneading bread - benefits you.

Doing most things on the domestic front - benefits you.

Fine with her parents and sister being around whenever - That’s the bear fucking minimum to be a part of someone’s family. They don’t owe you anything mate. Who do you think you are?

She will never find another man who understands and accepts her like I do - Implying you are superior. To the billions of other men on this planet.

How is any of that “cute”, or a compliment to the future mother of your child?

Ghastly.

If I recall correctly, you previously posted an article about why nice guys aren't actually nice.

This is it:
www.bustle.com/articles/147499-what-is-nice-guy-syndrome-5-signs-that-a-self-proclaimed-nice-guy-isnt-all-that-nice

The difference between a fwb and dating is not so much about what you do, it's about how you feel.

Simply put, it's about emotional and romantic attraction.

A woman who is a man's fwb has NOT got his emotional and romantic attraction. Or vice versa. And you know what as long as that is mutual that's fine.
Trouble is it is usually not the case.
One of them, usually the female, has to suppress her true feelings.

Sure he may like her but so bloody what?
As for the sex aspect, I don't think men are particularly fussy.

@LongFatWeener69 your view is really simplistic and childish it really is.
You really haven't a clue.

In order for a good healthy relationship to thrive the emotional and romantic attraction has to be there.

And it never appears later.

I think you're not really into Mrs Longweener are you? I mean this seriously, do yourself a favour and end it now.
Because one day you will meet a woman who makes you go wow.

Some say you're a misogynist but I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you've got a somewhat retarded view of things.

@YorkshireDude

If I recall correctly, you previously posted an article about why nice guys aren't actually nice.

Sigh. Did you actually read the article?!

It's about the phenomenon that is Nice Guy™️ - a brand of men who proclaim they are nice but actually hold misogynist, entitled and troubling views.

Not actual nice blokes.

You either didn't even bother to give it a cursory glance or you failed to understand it at all.

Give it a read...

@BadNomad

Im sure I don’t know or care, Im probably overstating it but not every woman on this thread is turned on by my comments so it can happen. As far as being confrontational and a battle etc. - maybe that can “work”, but I’ll leave that to the Johnny’s and Ambers of the world, that’s no way for a man to live.

Although to be fair to Yorkshier dude I have heard women say they wanted someone to “keep them on their toes”, but they weren’t the types I wanted to know let alone live with.

Free and easy is the life for me, fuck putting on a big act.

LOL! I don't identify with anything in that article. If a woman isn't interested I just move on to the next. I never even look over my shoulder. Onwards and upwards!

Im sure I don’t know or care, Im probably overstating it but not every woman on this thread is turned on by my comments so it can happen.

Amended for you, for accuracy:

"Im sure I don’t know or care, Im probably overstating it but not even one every woman on this thread is turned on by my comments so it can happen."

Your lack of self awareness is incredible!

@FlissyPaps

Actually most people aren’t fine with their spouses family being round 24/7 and always there. But I wasn’t saying that as though I was intentionally granting her a favour though - I was saying that was who I was and I liked things like that and because she is who she is and wants them there all the time, we are compatible.

Would you be cool with your future sister in law with mental health problems sleeping in you and your fiancés bedroom for a month? Because I truly didn’t care. I wasn’t doing a favour, I just don’t mind.

And the bread thing is her way of life, all her sisters and Mum do that. That and keep chickens etc. It’s the hippy homesteader type of life, it wasn’t just some stepford wife stuff she started for me for appearances.

And in caring about her I am superior.

@wellhelloitsme

Yeah, it was a joke at my own expense but that obviously went over your head.

@Kertrats
''Some say you're a misogynist but I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you've got a somewhat retarded view of things.''

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I'm genuinely not sure if @LongFatWeener69 is a troll or just terminally thick but he has certainly kept me entertained today. His innocent assertion that his user name isn't anything other than creepy is the height of it.

I think what most of the women posting on this thread are missing, is that some women like to be kept on their toes at the start of a relationship, and others like being kept on their toes as a permanent feature of the relationship.

I'm genuinely not sure if @LongFatWeener69 is a troll or just terminally thick but he has certainly kept me entertained today.

I don't think the two are mutually exclusive in this case!

Oh god now you're at it.
Yep, that's right, WE are the ones missing the point.
Bugger, I'm off for dinner now so I'm going to have to bow out but you two 'men' have been the gift that keeps on giving.

@wellhelloitsme
What I think it is is that deep down in spite of all his protestations and nonsense about golf club cleaning @LongFatWeener69 knows damned well that he has made a damned big error in 'wifing' up Mrs Weener.

He knows deep down in his soul that he is not, never has been, or never will be romantically or emotionally into her and that-coupled with the fact that I've said that women don't really like being fwb's to a guy they're into and feel bitter-has put the wind up him.

Or he just is a misogynist who only wants women to do stuff for him.

One has to wonder why he was attracted to comment in the first place. And continues to comment.
Isn't that odd in itself.
I've been the girlfriend in the past to guys who had fwb's before me.

I asked what's the difference between them and me.
The reply: I'm just into you into a way I wasn't with them.

It really is that simple.

Conversely, I've had guys who want me to be fwb. I will not do that shit.

@LongFatWeener69

Actually most people aren’t fine with their spouses family being round 24/7 and always there

Would you be cool with your future sister in law with mental health problems sleeping in you and your fiancés bedroom for a month? Because I truly didn’t care. I wasn’t doing a favour, I just don’t mind.

You’ve jumped from your initial comment of Fine with her parents and sister being around whenever to - my sister in law with mental health problems sleeps in our bedroom.

So which is it? You’re fine with them “whenever” or you’re fine with them “24/7”? As I said, being fine with someone’s family is the bear minimum.

You really don’t have to justify your chillness and niceness by explaining your living arrangements. But strange actually.

You still haven’t listed any “cute” qualities of your fiancé either.

And in caring about her I am superior.

You’re contradicting yourself, weener. Why did you say ”I don’t think I’m superior” in your previous comment. That I literally quoted???

You are digging yourself a hole here. A very big misogynistic one.

Did you really just mansplain women to us... 😂

Well, if there are women who aren't yet aware that some women like a specific type of relationship dynamic, and no woman has yet explained it to them, then there's always the possibility that a man may end up being the first to explain it to them.

I don't really see that as a bad thing. And in my experience it's only those who are obsessed with identity politics, and/or actively seeking something to get outraged about, who worry about the identity of the person that shared some piece of knowledge.

@Kertrats

I think your projecting your own feelings about FWB onto me and my relationship which you can’t possibly know. You really haven’t “put the wind up” me at all, actually from your comments about emotional and romantic attraction not being possible for me because she was a FWB and one day I would meet a woman who “wowed” me, I don’t think your really understand how men love women. That’s alright, but as such you really can’t comment on how I actually feel and what you have commented is quite inaccurate.

But I get the feeling this thread will devolve into those who disagree with my inoffensive comments congratulating themselves on how clever they think they’re being in “winning” a simple discussion about FWB, the crux of which was simply whether it is possible that they can become more (it is) and what the man the OP is FWB for might be thinking - about which they have very little insight but for whatever reason can’t accept a man may have, which is ironic given all the comments about men mansplaining women to women.

@YorkshireDude and @LongFatWeener69 I really, really think you'd be happier circle jerking with the menz on Reddit and discussing with each other how women think, feel and behave.

Rather than, bizarrely, posting on Mumsnet telling women how they think, feel and behave.

@wellhelloitsme

I haven’t made a single comment telling women how they feel.

It sounds like you want mumsnet to be an echo chamber. Am I understanding that right?

@YorkshireDude I'll confess that there is some excitement in a man who doesn't reveal every aspect about himself in a relationship.
Key word: relationship as in you know he's into you. Really into you.

But this is not what happens in an fwb arrangement.
There is zero excitement in a guy just wanting you to be a friend he has sex with. None.
In any case, why would he want a female friend anyway. It's really easy sex dressed up with some pizza nights.
It's boring. That's why I won't do it. No romantic spark or emotional intrigue holds no appeal for me at all.