Won’t let nephew kiss baby

[cm1010]

I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable here and if I have a reason to be upset. I went to the zoo today with my parents, other half, sister, her other half and their three year old son and my five month old daughter. My nephew loves his cousin but likes to try and kiss her which I don't like. Today he went to kiss her on the lips whilst my mum was holding her so I put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him getting closer (he always has a cough and a runny nose) and I told him to kiss her on her hair instead (where I wipe straight afterwards) so my nephews dad then mumbled 'he's just a kid no need to push him' which he didn't say to my face but so I could hear. My nephew wasn't upset but this upset me because I feel I have every right to protect my baby and I did not push him away I simply put my hand on him to stop him touching her lips. My sister also asked why he's not allowed to kiss her on the lips. I was having a lovely day but it kind of ruined it for me :(

@orwellwasright

id think YOU were rude as fuck for kissing my baby without permission.

Yeah but I didn't ask you, your input doesn't make sense seeing as OP did let him kiss her.

Yeah but I didn't ask you, your input doesn't make sense seeing as OP did let him kiss her.

Oh FGS. You asked OP a question, carried on discussing it with various posters, and then mentioned again that OP had not answered your question to your satisfaction. Since it's a wide discussion with various people chipping in I thought I'd helpfully suggest why OP might not have must wiped his nose. As it turned out, you are correct!

You are bizarrely defensive about anyone responding to the things you say.

I'm defensive about responding to the the things people say to me and then being accused of being overly focused on the subject. How is that bizarre?
Don't act as though I'm the one obsessively mentioning something, or imply I'm demanding a satisfactory answer from OP. If someone addresses an accusatory post at me I will respond 🤷🏽‍♀️ Raro

I'm defensive about responding to the the things people say to me and then being accused of being overly focused on the subject. How is that bizarre?
Don't act as though I'm the one obsessively mentioning something, or imply I'm demanding a satisfactory answer from OP. If someone addresses an accusatory post at me I will respond

Because I didn't accuse you of anything, yet you are being really defensive. I just explained why someone might not do what you asked a few times. What is your problem?

Repulsive to allow a snotty toddler to kiss a young baby. Tell the parents to do some actual parenting next time and then you won't need to do it for them.

Eh?! 😅 you asked me why I'm "so focused" on one point and when I explained you call me "bizarrely defensive" FFS my responding to your questions are not any of those things, nobody owes you an explanation but I gave you one anyway and you reframed it as bizarre and defensive 🤷🏽‍♀️ what do you want from me? 😂

Your baby is going to get bugs whether you let her cousin kiss her not. You're being precious. A little boy wants to shoe affection to his cousin. It's adorable. You need to work on your anxiety not on your nephews behaviour. My daughter spent the first six months of her life with a cold. This was during covid so she never saw anyone. Her brother bought the germs home from nursery and did not need kiss her on the lips to pass the bugs on. Life happens. You're better off rolling with it and enjoying the good bits - like two cousins loving each other so much.

I also explained someone implied that my family and I are ignorant and I didn't say YOU were accusatory.

Eh?! 😅 you asked me why I'm "so focused" on one point and when I explained you call me "bizarrely defensive" FFS my responding to your questions are not any of those things, nobody owes you an explanation but I gave you one anyway and you reframed it as bizarre and defensive 🤷🏽‍♀️ what do you want from me?

Look we're getting wires crossed here. You think I'm doing what I think you're doing. I didn't want any explanation from you, I wanted to politely suggest an answer to the question I noticed you'd asked several times.

From my perspective, you asked OP a question, then when it was answered you made it clear you still didn't get it because you responded "but you had to wipe the snot anyway" a couple of times. I tried to suggest why someone might not just wipe his nose and your responses since have all been very "what are you trying to say to ME", "what are you accusing ME of doing"? Hence, defensive, because I clearly wasn't accusing you personally of doing anything, nor hounding you for your POV anymore so than you were hounding OP for hers when you responded to her posts with "but I still don't get why you wouldn't just wipe his nose".

You have a pretty direct line of questioning and seem to have a real issue with people doing the same to you in return.

Again, you have to ask why it is precious to not want to spend the next week with an ill baby but NOT precious to find a three year old kissing them so "adorable" that you can't bring yourself to say "please don't do that darling or they'll get poorly". It's a ridiculous angle, the latter is far more precious.

Perhaps you need to work around your anxiety around saying no to minor things with your three year old, rather than OP needing to work on hers for not wanting her baby to have a bad cold?

It is much more possible to avoid catching a cold from your cousin on a day trip, than it is to avoid catching one from your sibling who lives with you and is in close contact with the same parents. Just because babies get bugs doesn't mean there's no sense in avoiding them when they are perfectly avoidable.

Also, you're incorrect about the baby having little immunity because she's not been breastfed. We're humans - the immunity passes through the placenta from mother to child. Breast feeding has a miniscule impact pm your immunity. Even at a population level it's tiny. At an individual level it's irrelevant. Hopefully that misunderstanding will help you feel better about your child's resilience.

@aSofaNearYou where on earth have you got the impression I have anxiety from?! And what on earth are you talking about with saying no to my 3 year old? You're all over the place. Sorry but no clue what you're saying.

I totally missed the snot bit, OP. Sorry! I struggled to deal with my own Children’s snot in the beginning and now that they can blow their noses/clean them, I’ve gone back to being grossed out.

I’d not let him kiss my baby with snot on his face. That’s pretty grim. Could you not just ask his parent to wipe his nose first?

I'm beginning to think this thread is just one for the germophobes and I should stay clear. I lived with a germophobe once and its no life for me.

@Franca123

A child smearing his snot on a baby’s face isn’t adorable

No, my only issue is with people responding to me and then telling me I'm too focused one one issue. That's literally it. I answered several responses to me, and the only time I brought it up was when you implied I was obsessing over one point. I brought up the responses to me by way of an explanation of why I was talking about this 'one point'. I was explaining that I'm not obsessed about this one point OR bizarrely defensive about it. Actually you clearly have been flinging accusations at me 😂

My other issue was the poster calling my family ignorant because we have different cultural norms.

Not once have I acted as if I don't want people to respond to me and also note, not once did I judge anyone on their personal norms.

She only added the snot on the face thing in after people started telling her she was being ridiculous. She's exaggerating. I can fully see why she's fallen out with her family previously.

Ok I'll spell it out.

OP has mentioned that she has anxiety but that doesn't mean anxiety is the only reason to avoid a small baby getting ill when it's perfectly possible to do so. It's actually very logical and many without anxiety would do the same.

The fallout of one person's preferred course of action is a little baby being ill for often upwards of a week, so that's distressed child and sleepless nights for the parents for a long period of time. The outcome of the other person's preferred course of action is a three year old being kindly asked not to kiss the baby on that occasion, and taught a bit of empathy.

Yet in your opinion, the latter outcome is unacceptable because it's too "adorable" that they want to do it, yet avoiding the first is "precious". It makes no sense. It's clearly more precious to be unable to ask the three year old not to something.

I knew this would be put down to anxiety. 🤦‍♀️ I also have anxiety OP, DP does not. Neither of us would want a snotty toddler, related or not, kissing our baby on the lips. And we also have a snotty toddler of our own who we would stop from trying to kiss a baby on the lips if he tried, without the baby's parent having to do it for us.
It doesn't matter if it's because he loves his cousin or whatnot, there are boundaries in life and you don't have to let anyone kiss your baby on the lips or wherever, whatever age they are.

I am super lax with my newborn being exposed to germs. Probably been held by over 100 people in their so far month long life.

I would not want anyone to kiss my newborns lips - that is just insane, let alone a snotty 3yo. Thankfully no one has tried to do that.

The only times I drew a line was at great grandpas forever unwashed allotment jumper (likely glyphosate covered) and funnily enough a snotty 3yo who had strings of boogers down his face and between his fingers - and grateful to the parents of the latter as they took control themselves and I didn’t need to step in.

So yanbu.

Im wiping snot off my babies head, there’s no need for you to be ‘rude as fuck’

@Franca123

doubt it’s an exaggeration, toddlers frequently have snotty faces

@Franca123

oh dear

its not being a germaphobe to not want a toddler who snot all over his lips and nose and who clearly is full of cold to not kiss a five month old baby on the lips.

setting the obvious germs issue aside, it’s just minging 🤢 would you want to be kissed on the mouth or elsewhere on your head by someone who had snot on their nose and lips?

I wouldn’t! And if that makes me a germaphobe, then I’ll take that!

Wow, no need to be rude.. for your information I pulled myself away from my sister. She was infact trying to make up with me for a long time so I can’t be that bad..