Won’t let nephew kiss baby

[cm1010]

I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable here and if I have a reason to be upset. I went to the zoo today with my parents, other half, sister, her other half and their three year old son and my five month old daughter. My nephew loves his cousin but likes to try and kiss her which I don't like. Today he went to kiss her on the lips whilst my mum was holding her so I put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him getting closer (he always has a cough and a runny nose) and I told him to kiss her on her hair instead (where I wipe straight afterwards) so my nephews dad then mumbled 'he's just a kid no need to push him' which he didn't say to my face but so I could hear. My nephew wasn't upset but this upset me because I feel I have every right to protect my baby and I did not push him away I simply put my hand on him to stop him touching her lips. My sister also asked why he's not allowed to kiss her on the lips. I was having a lovely day but it kind of ruined it for me :(

They do have some horrible side effects. I just feel lost as I have explained to my family so many times that I don’t want her to be kissed on the lips and they know how bad my anxiety is but they never take me seriously. I love my nephew and he loves his cousin but sometimes his parents won’t step in I feel so if I wasn’t there they would have let their son kiss my daughter even tho I had told them no previously. The parents didn’t try and stop my nephew, he wouldn’t listen with words so I had no option but to prevent him getting closer and that was by putting my hand in the way :(

@cm1010

Ah ok - him being a snot tap does make the head wiping seem more reasonable! I would too in the same circs, in the same way I’d wipe my own face if a snotty toddler kissed me.

Hair wiping is not OTT if he’s all snotty.

No one should be kissing babies on the lips. Neonatal herpes (cold sore virus) kills new babies. And older babies might be saddled with a lifetime of illness.
www.kittarkafoundation.org

My 20 month old has been hospitalised 3 times recently with the bugs that normally cause a cold, and each time the hospital ward was full of children with the same - catching 3 bugs at a time because they have no immunity. Based on that, I don’t think you are being pfb at all, your baby is very little and her immunity isn’t there yet. Completely get where you are coming from.

I agree. People are saying “when she’s older you won’t want anyone putting their hands on her” like it’s violence! I definitely didn’t make a fuss if a family member touched my kids to stop them doing something.
But toddler snot on a baby’s face - no no no. And I don’t think a toddler should be kissing anyone on the lips.

Her role was to move her baby. Moving her baby out of the way would have been fine. The toddlers parent didn't like op touching the child so familiar relationship is irrelevant.

Agree and disagree.

Agree toddler should not be kissing baby

Disagree about the touching. The parent didn't like the touching. Why is it OK for op to not like a toddler touch the baby but it isn't OK for the toddlers parent to not like an adult touching the toddler?

YANBU and I think posters here are being unfair to you linking it to your anxiety. The child had snot all over his lips and nose and went to kiss your daughter on the lips. That is disgusting. I blame his parents who instead of whinging at you should’ve been properly supervising their child. You were very nice to say he could kiss her on the hair given he is sick @cm1010

Thank you, I wouldn’t mind either if my babies aunt has to hold her back either! I was pulled away by aunts and uncles growing up when I was about to do something I shouldn’t do and they saved me from hurting myself or my cousins

Thank you, I love my family but his parents let him get away with all sorts. He can be rough with my little one toy and has out of nowhere thrown toys at her with no warning or grabbed her and pressed on her whilst she’s been asleep. I know he means no harm but he could really harm my little one and his parents brush it off

I think it’s fair enough, OP. If you’ve said to the parents that you don’t want your baby kissed on the mouth by their snot goblin 3 year old — which, as the parent of a 3 year old I very much understand! — it’s their responsibility to enforce that boundary gently and consistently. I wouldn’t need asking, tbh — I’d explain to him before we saw the baby that the bugs that gave him a runny nose could make baby quite sick etc. Some people just don’t get it though. A couple we know brought their three year old to our house even though she’d been up all night with a 39 degree fever and was coughing and sneezing all over the place. Our son was 3 months old at the time. I get that you can’t protect them from everything and babies do need to build immunity by getting colds in their first year, but there are limits.

What was I supposed to do as the parents weren’t trying to pull him away or do anything? Should I have let him kiss her?

You are being a bit precious - but it sounds like it’s driven by anxiety.

Your baby is going to be crawling and shoving all manner of rubbish in her mouth very shortly - she is no longer a newborn and her immune system is pretty good.

it’s fair enough to tell your nephew that ‘we don’t kiss babies on their mouths only their hair’, but panic-ing and grabbing is an over-resection, there is nothing to panic about.

I’m sure you BIL has forgotten about it, as you should, but he is as entitled to not want you to lay hands on his child without good reason as you are to not want your baby kissed on the lips.

Do go and see your GP to check in, you don’t want anxiety getting out of control, and you can also remind your sis that reminding your nephew not to kiss on the lips will help you manage it.

It's her nephew and to gently move him away is fine.

YANBU

i think it’s ok to not want to get a bug off someone or a child. Even if it’s not a serious one.

I must also say they weren’t bothered that I touched him, I have pulled his hands away from my baby before and they never cared before or said anything.

so I put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him getting closer

How does that become 'grabbing'?

Honestly the OP did nothing wrong.

Exactly, I never said once I grabbed or pushed. I simply put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him getting closer.. maybe as I did he took a step back which looked as tho I had pushed him? But I gently touched him, I would never push him

Well your brother in law thought you pushed him. And he was there.

I think you ruined the day tbh

Not if his parent doesn't agree. The parent didn't like it, why are the toddlers parents concerns less than the ops?

Op should have moved the baby.

Not only would I wipe any snot off my baby’s head, I’d also be tempted to wipe my nephew’s snotty nose, if his parents weren’t doing it. Don’t suppose that would go down too well, though!

So was my sister, my mother, my step dad and my other half and none of them saw a push an they weren’t bothered? May I also add that my brother in law once deleted himself from the family group chat and fell out with my parents because they were getting ready to dog sit for them and my parents told them ‘don’t bring the dog just yet can you bring her in a couple of hours’ he was swearing down the phone at them and didn’t end up taking the dog to them.

My other half has to often wipe his nose as it’s often so dry it’s crusted over