Won’t let nephew kiss baby

[cm1010]

I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable here and if I have a reason to be upset. I went to the zoo today with my parents, other half, sister, her other half and their three year old son and my five month old daughter. My nephew loves his cousin but likes to try and kiss her which I don't like. Today he went to kiss her on the lips whilst my mum was holding her so I put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him getting closer (he always has a cough and a runny nose) and I told him to kiss her on her hair instead (where I wipe straight afterwards) so my nephews dad then mumbled 'he's just a kid no need to push him' which he didn't say to my face but so I could hear. My nephew wasn't upset but this upset me because I feel I have every right to protect my baby and I did not push him away I simply put my hand on him to stop him touching her lips. My sister also asked why he's not allowed to kiss her on the lips. I was having a lovely day but it kind of ruined it for me :(

Oh and if your daughter was the same age as your nephew I would still be firmly stopping any kissing.

Why is his nose and mouth covered with snot?
Why aren't his parents wiping it?

So unnecessary.

He's old enough to understand so tell him. If he understands the yummy snot germs might get in her mouth and make her poorly because they're big boy germs, he's less likely to think "well it doesn't matter where I kiss her" and might shame his mother into keeping him cleaner.

@Ouchmytoe100

if someone kissed you with a snotty nose and lips and left snot on your face as a result would you not wipe it off?!

Why isn't ANYONE wiping it?? There's op, grandparents as well as his parents and they're all just watching this kid walk around eating his own snot

this really does sum up the problem with some modern parenting.

This whole ‘my child can do whatever they want be because they are a child and no one should try and stop them whatever the consequences may be’

its such bollocks

in this situation no way would this kid be getting his snot on either me or my baby. I don’t care if he is 3 years old. Snot it snot at the end of the day.

If that was my nephew I’d be saying “Come on sweetheart, let’s wipe that dirty nose. That can’t be very comfortable for you.”
I can’t stand anything coming out of nose and mouth and hate to see it smeared all over children’s faces

He has both his parents with him, definitely NOT the OP's job.

His nose is often crusted?

I always think that screams lazy parenting.

A wet nose is very uncomfortable for anyone, not to mind crusted over.

1. No matter how many times you reiterate you didn’t push the toddler, people keep using the word push. She didn’t push the toddler people!!
2. a 5mo getting a cold is very different to a 1+ year old getting a cold, so people that are saying she will be getting loads of colds in the future, that’s not really the point. They’re tiny and vulnerable. Honestly people forget this. The number of people who wouldn’t hug or miss me during the pandemic but would try and lean in to kiss baby on the face would shock me regularly.
3. these things happen in a split second, I was unable to prevent some people kissing my LO on the face when she was a baby even when I was the one holding her!! They dart in before you can blink. So no she wouldn’t have been able to call mum and dad over or ask her mum to move out of the way.

I think a lot of people on here haven’t had a very young baby in a long time and have forgotten what it’s like! Or were just very laid back about their LOs getting colds. I personally tried to avoid it because of the risk of herpes like others have said. And because every time she got a cold it made nights hell and we were already running on very little sleep.

Yes! Exactly, my sister and my mum just don’t get why I don’t want my lift one one being kissed on the lips and they use my anxiety against me and think I’m over reacting with everything I want or anything I say! They basically choose to ignore it because they think I’m ‘being silly’

As much as I love my sister, she has this whole making her life look like a movie where they are a prefect happy family, they also think they have a very high status as in very loud look at me we are so perfect, let my little boy do what he wants and everything I do is laughed at..

This! It’s not my job to wipe his nose, also if I’m not allowed to put a hand on his shoulder and that makes my BIL mad then what’s be going to be like if I wipe the kids nose?! That’s also touching against their will?

Yeah exactly op. If you touching his shoulder is so terrible then you wiping his nose wouldn’t be acceptable either would it?? People cant have it any which way they choose.

You’ve said you don’t want your nephew kissing your daughter on the lips, so it’s up to his parents to try and enforce that with him. If he continues trying to do it anyway (which I do understand, he is still very young himself) then obviously you’re going to stop him if his parents don’t bother to.

I don’t understand how it’s any sort of issue at all!

Yep! What makes me laugh is their nephew is a veggie and we respect that, I buy him veggie marshmallows and spend more money on bits when buying snacks for him as he eats very differently to me and my other half. I would like his parents to respect how I want to bring up my daughter as I do with how they want to bring up their son. If I tried to shove meat in his mouth and said ‘why can’t I give him meat’ my sister would rip my head off..

You are definitely not being unreasonable here.
There is no way I would let anyone kiss my baby with snot all over their nose and lips.
You were not forceful and it does not sound like you pushed him at all - you put a hand on his shoulder! BIL needs to stop nephew from putting his face on the baby. I have the same discussion here on a daily basis with my 2 oldest (5 and 2!) about not kissing their baby sister, so I have seen it from both sides.

You didn't do anything wrong. You'll find parents let their kids do allsorts with babies. Their baby still looks tiny and innocent to them and they're big brutal germ carriers to mums of babies. Do what you have to to protect your baby and don't feel like you can't say "because he's got a cold I don't want my baby to catch obviously".

The number of people who wouldn’t hug or kiss me during the pandemic but would try and lean in to kiss baby on the face would shock me regularly.

I often think this whenever this topic appears on MN. Considering the past two years you'd think people would be a bit more clued up, but it seems their completely unnecessary need (right?) to kiss a cute baby trumps the health of said baby. It's very selfish.

I think when posters write that family dismiss them and their wishes with accusations of being silly and sensitive, it is hugely indicative of a really unhealthy family dynamic that is so bad to be around.

I would suggest that if you have anxiety it is probably exacerbated by your family and being around them and their dismissal of you.

Going forward I think you should gently busy your life more with other people.

Long term I think it will be better for you.

Good family do not repeatedly dismiss your legitimate concerns.

I needed to hear this, I spent over three years away from my sister because of how she made me feel and I became such a happy confident person but since having a baby we reconnected for the childrens sake and yesterday made me realise just how much she still looks so down on me and how she puts on a show in front of me to show me how perfect she is?! I’m really thinking I made a big mistake arranging a family get together as I forgot how they always end..

It isn't OPs job but I wouldn't deliberately leave my nephew uncomfortable and gross because it isn't my child, but each to their own. She could have easily said let me wipe that nose and then you can kiss her on the head. For HIS sake. Even though it would clearly be a huge encumbrance upon his day and she'll never get those 5 seconds of her life back 🙄

It isn't OPs job but I wouldn't deliberately leave my nephew uncomfortable and gross because it isn't my child, but each to their own. She could have easily said let me wipe that nose and then you can kiss her on the head. For HIS sake. Even though it would clearly be a huge encumbrance upon his day and she'll never get those 5 seconds of her life back

Tbf I wouldn't actively encourage him to kiss her on the head, either. Germs are likely to spread whether he was snotty or not if he is ill. I would just distract him!

I don't get this attitude, it's not your 'job' ..it takes seconds. I don't understand you saying you have severe anxiety about spreading germs through kisses but wouldn't give his nose a quick wipe before he kisses your daughters head 🤢 sorry that's so disgusting.

The reason your BIL was upset about the shoulder tap was because he perceived it as a push (for whatever reason) nose wiping is completely different. It's a kindness and would've given you a moment to redirect his kiss from the lips to the head as well. Personally I would have no problem with my niece/nephew kissing my baby on the lips, it's lovely to see them being so loving, but the snot..WTF 🤮 there was no need for it.

@OvaryActions

noone should kiss babies on the lips . end of.

Adults, kids, no one. Because of the risk of herpes which can be passed on even when you don’t have an active cold sore and other viral infections which can be severe for babies.

There are lots of other ways that love and affection can be expressed besides kissing on the lips.

I never fail to find the ignorance around this staggering.

Exactly this, I don’t kiss my own baby on the lips so I’m sure as hell not going to let anyone else. Just because some other people let their baby receives kisses on the lips doesn’t mean I should allow it 🤢

Her whole making her life look like a movie where they are a prefect happy family, they also think they have a very high status as in very loud look at me we are so perfect, let my little boy do what he wants and everything I do is laughed at.

So perfect we don't wipe crusty green snot from our child's nose.

Doesn't sound right.

Don't arrange any further days together if it causes you a lot of stress.

Not surprised to read this.

You need to be focused on how your daughter having a happy contented mother will benefit her.

Your daughter does not need an anxiety ridden mother who is dismissed by her family.

Don't be cross with yourself.
But learn from this.

You tried, but it really is best if you busy your life away from your family, including your mother.

People who behave like this are damaged and don't really care about you.

Being around them with damage you and your daughter by extension.

There doesn't need to be a big bust up, just don't be available and it is ok to say no thanks to any further days out with your sister and her tit of a husband.

You did it for 3 years.