Won’t let nephew kiss baby

[cm1010]

I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable here and if I have a reason to be upset. I went to the zoo today with my parents, other half, sister, her other half and their three year old son and my five month old daughter. My nephew loves his cousin but likes to try and kiss her which I don't like. Today he went to kiss her on the lips whilst my mum was holding her so I put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him getting closer (he always has a cough and a runny nose) and I told him to kiss her on her hair instead (where I wipe straight afterwards) so my nephews dad then mumbled 'he's just a kid no need to push him' which he didn't say to my face but so I could hear. My nephew wasn't upset but this upset me because I feel I have every right to protect my baby and I did not push him away I simply put my hand on him to stop him touching her lips. My sister also asked why he's not allowed to kiss her on the lips. I was having a lovely day but it kind of ruined it for me :(

@LuckySantangelo35
I haven't told OP or anyone else where they should be kissing their baby and I don't expect anyone to tell me or my family what to do . End of 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Where did I say that kissing was the only way to express affection? You'll have to quote me as I don't recall that.

Norms vary between cultures and even between each individual family, the ignorance around assuming everyone must follow your personal norms is what is staggering. My family have never had a baby become sick or die due to kisses. We don't, however, allow people to kiss with snot dripping down their faces, so you know, swings and roundabouts 🤷🏽‍♀️

But I didn't say you should allow it, did I?
I am questioning why you're so worried about germs yet you wouldn't wipe the snot off your nephew before he kissed your daughter as it's 'not your job'🤷🏽‍♀️

..you could've used that extra time to remind him that you'd prefer him to kiss baby on the head

@OvaryActions

just because your babies haven’t been ill as a result of having people kiss them on the lips doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Google it.

(and herpes isn’t spread by snot by the way)

You wipe your baby’s head right after you’ve given her cousin the privilege to kiss her on the head? Yes, you sound mean tbh.
You do mind him kissing her because you wipe her head afterwards. I’m surprised your Dsis or DB still meets up with you tbh.
I’d cut contact with you if treated my child like that. Poor kid. Yours won’t be a baby forever so you’ll find out how it feels.

@HikingforScenery

would you not wipe your face/head if someone left snot there??
read the thread

Im mean because I don’t want snot on my babies head? I’m sure what’s meaner is keeping him away from her altogether?

🤦🏽‍♀️ I wasn't saying it was spread by snot.

And I don't need telling that just because something hasn't happened in my family it doesn't happen 🙄 I mean, come on. No one in my family has suffered bowel cancer...I know it exists. No one in my family has a million ££ ..again, I know it exists.
My family has a different norm to yours, mind your own business. What makes you think you need to take it upon yourself to educate me 🤷🏽‍♀️

"would you not wipe your face/head if someone left snot there??
read the thread"
@LuckySantangelo35

No, I'd wipe the child's nose before he got snot on me 🤢

Yes, OP should definitely have left the shot deposit as tribute.

@OvaryActions Personally I wouldn't just wipe DN's nose myself because

A) It's gross, frankly. I am immune to my own DC being gross but don't feel that way about other people's kids, I'm sure lots of people are the same.

B) It wouldn't fix the issue anyway, I still wouldn't want him to kiss her because the snot has revealed that he has a cold and is carrying germs. It isn't just about getting wor on her.

@aSofaNearYou exactly this! I can only just about handle my own little ones nose, anyone else’s makes me almost throw up! And you are right, there are still germs in the mouth even after snot has been wiped!

Op didn't use force and wasn't aggressive. She put her hand on his shoulder as you sometimes do sgeb you are talking to someone (I assume). I don't think she did anything wrong.

Ideally the boy's parents should have stopped him but they didn't.

I wouldn't want anyone to kiss my baby in the lips either. Even I (or dh) don't kiss baby on the lips.

At the sand time if someone was even in the slightest what seemed to aggressive with my 3 year old I wouldn't like that either. Most parebts are precious about their children.

Op I've been in your situation and it was hard. In my case what helped (not in the moment though) was to have a very friendly talk with the little boy who kept looking my baby's face and showing and telling him exactly what the baby likes (ie what I'd rather he do instead). I did add a manipulative "you won't baby to like you don't you and be good friends with you so stroke him gently on the head or on his tummy. He loves that". He needs he yke reminders but the situation has definitely improved.

Op, having said that wiping her head is excessive and that will put people off (as in "how filthy does she think DN is that she needs to wipe baby's head").

Also you could use COVID As an excuse or say something like the health visitor said strictly no kissing On the lips.

A. But there are options other than letting your nephew kiss your baby with a snotty nose or wiping yourself if that's how you feel. OP could've said something like "ask mummy/daddy to wipe your nose first sweetie/honey/whatever". Also OP ended up wiping it from her daughter's head anyway 🤢 so either way the snot needed wiping.

B. Again, my post was in response to OP wiping the snot off the daughter's head after the kiss instead of wiping it before the kiss, so not sure what you're trying to say to me?

@OvaryActions

i would just not let the child kiss me rather than wipe the snotty nose myself.

I don’t want to wipe someone else snotty nose, it’s gross. I don’t want contact with someone else’s bodily fluid, whether they are a child or not. As others have said, it’s different when it’s your own child. Other kids I’m just as grossed out by as I would be an adult.

i would give that child a tissue so that they can wipe themselves which at 3 they should be capable of doing.

I don’t think you were wrong to stop him kissing her if he was full of snot.
I don’t agree with babies shouldn’t be kissed at all, I think that’s sad.
I think you are anxious and being PFB and need to remember he’s only little himself.
But I don’t understand why you’ve posted on here just to argue with everyone who doesn’t agree with you and seemingly constant drip feed’s.
The only reason people have implied you pushed him is because you said his dad said that, who was there and present at that time.

But you still had to wipe the snot just off your poor daughter's head instead of nephew's nose.

That's what I said I didn't understand, you keep saying you're concerned about the germs 🤷🏽‍♀️

If a member of my family wiped her baby down after I'd dropped a kiss on its head I'd think she was a rude as fuck, prissy pita.

@OvaryActions Well it's obvious why she wiped her DDs head rather than wiping his nose, isn't it? It happened quickly, it was damage limitation after something she didn't want to happen, rather than her being in a position to control it happening in the first place. Plus she probably feels more qualified to clean her own DC up.

Yes she could ask him to ask his parents to clean him up, too, but again, that hinges on the kiss being a very thought out, premeditated event.

It's not clear what YOU'RE trying to say. Whether she wiped his nose or wiped her DDs head isn't really the point, is it? It doesn't change anything about whether it's reasonable for OP to not want him to kiss her and to stop him when he was leaning in.

It's her nephew not some random kid FGS

What?? 😆

It literally takes a second, nothing premeditated about it, just "hang on a second honey, you're all snotty" whoever cleans him up isn't important.

My point is in my original reply so maybe read that 🤷🏽‍♀️ if you do that you'll notice I didn't say OP was unreasonable for not wanting her baby to be kissed on the lips.

@OvaryActions A second she might not have had. He was already leaning in to do it, on this occasion, on others he may have already done it, before she had a chance to stop him.

Plus as she's said she doesn't want to be wiping someone else's nose.

Why are you so focused on this one thing?

Yeah but honestly, what point were you trying to make with "B"? I'm not the one who let a snotty child kiss my baby, so what were you saying to me?

I made ONE point in ONE post and then have been replying to people who have tagged me. I have also had someone call me ignorant and act as though I need educating for allowing people to kiss my baby..despite not passing any judgment on others for their cultural/familial norms.

So don't keep @ing me and then question why I'm "so focused" FFS 🤦🏽‍♀️ Jesus 😂

Yeah but honestly, what point were you trying to make with "B"? I'm not the one who let a snotty child kiss my baby, so what were you saying to me?

I was explaining why I wouldn't just wipe his nose and then tell him he could kiss her, which is what you keep asking OP.