Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Won’t let nephew kiss baby

237 replies

cm1010 · 29/05/2022 19:06

I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable here and if I have a reason to be upset. I went to the zoo today with my parents, other half, sister, her other half and their three year old son and my five month old daughter. My nephew loves his cousin but likes to try and kiss her which I don't like. Today he went to kiss her on the lips whilst my mum was holding her so I put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him getting closer (he always has a cough and a runny nose) and I told him to kiss her on her hair instead (where I wipe straight afterwards) so my nephews dad then mumbled 'he's just a kid no need to push him' which he didn't say to my face but so I could hear. My nephew wasn't upset but this upset me because I feel I have every right to protect my baby and I did not push him away I simply put my hand on him to stop him touching her lips. My sister also asked why he's not allowed to kiss her on the lips. I was having a lovely day but it kind of ruined it for me :(

OP posts:
AfterGlow87 · 29/05/2022 20:18

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable or precious with the kissing on the lips - I don’t let anyone bar me or my husband kiss my one year old on the lips, especially a snotty 3 year old when your baby is still very little. On the head is fine though. My baby was hospitalised at 8 months with a virus so they can get very unwell.

Perhaps you thought you only held his shoulder and in your panic pulled him back a bit? I’d feel bad about that as he’s only 3 and doesn’t know any better - but to be honest his parents should’ve stopped him. I’d make it clear to them in future that you don’t want anyone kissing baby on the lips - that will hopefully make them more aware.

PinkButtercups · 29/05/2022 20:21

I always find it so weird that other people want to kiss children on the lips when it's not their child.

He's only 3 so will need to keep being told but you're not in the wrong.

rnsaslkih · 29/05/2022 20:24

Filthy to allow a snotty 3yo to kiss someone’s baby.

and babies/toddlers don’t need to be crawling around in dirt/licking pram wheels or mouthing random shit. You can clean the floor and watch them?

And I am no pfb - my two are teens and go out and do what they want. But they never crawled in detritus or had people snotting over their mouths.

Cocowatermelon · 29/05/2022 20:25

OP don’t let this spiral out of proportion. It’s not inreasonable to insist on no kissing your baby’s mouth. 3yr is incapable of consistently following that instruction because he’s three. His parents options are either to watch his like a hawk and grab his before he does it or let you do that if they want a break from toddler hawk watching duty.

Minniem2020 · 29/05/2022 20:26

My 7 week old DS has 4 siblings and they aren't allowed to kiss him on the lips. Nor do me and DP kiss him on the lips. I'm with you on this one op.YANBU

Original poster
cm1010 · 29/05/2022 20:26

I thought this, I think as I’ve put my hand there he’s taken a step back. I feel like his parents should be stopping him too but they often let him do things to my little one and I’ve let it go before and laughed it off but today when I saw a big snotty face go for her lips and they didn’t step in I had no choice? I feel like many people on here think I should have just let her receive a big snotty kiss on the lips? I really don’t know what else I should have done when he wasn’t listening to us?

OP posts:
Calphurnia88 · 29/05/2022 20:58

I don't think you've done anything wrong. IMO your DS and BIL should be responsible for making sure their son doesn't kiss DD on the lips - not just because you have asked him not to, but because it's pretty obvious why he (or anyone) shouldn't. Especially if he has a cold and is covered in snot.

So in that moment if they weren't going to stop him from kissing her on the lips, I don't see what other choice you had but to hold him back. I've seen others suggest you should have moved your baby instead, but if it was your mum who was holding her then I'm not sure how that would have worked.

Original poster
cm1010 · 29/05/2022 21:12

Thank you for understanding, my mum was holding her and I was closer to my nephew than I was my daughter so it was easier to prevent him from going further forward. His parents wouldn’t have stopped him as they see no issue with him kissing her on the lips, even when we were telling him to stop as soon as we saw him leaning in, they didn’t reach in and prevent him from doing so I was left with no choice but to intervene.

OP posts:
HiltonB · 29/05/2022 21:18

@cm1010 people saying you are being PFB! Sounds like nephews parents are in reality - thinking there’s no issue with their sick snot covered child kissing your newborn on the lips! Don’t blame yourself for your reaction to their poor parenting.

Original poster
cm1010 · 29/05/2022 21:24

They don’t see an issue at all! They aren’t bad parents as he is a lovely little boy and is happy but I often feel there isn’t much discipline there at all. As much as I love my family, I’m treated as the weak one and I’m not even taken seriously when it comes to how I want my daughter handled..

OP posts:
watchagunado · 29/05/2022 21:27

Op don't listen to what anyone else
Is saying ! You put your hand on his shoulder ? Wow ! You could swear you ragged him around by peoples responses. I would
Not like a snobby 3 year old kissing my baby let alone on her lips ! That's gross and also his parents should intervene and tell him he shouldn't be doing it anywhere near her face . A cuddle and a kiss on the head yes but not the mouth ! Get some sleep op and don't give it another thought

aSofaNearYou · 29/05/2022 21:30

YANBU. If his parents aren't willing to encourage him not to be too touchy feely whilst taking him out to socialise with a cold, it reflects badly on them, not you.

Calphurnia88 · 29/05/2022 21:31

I think there's a lack of understanding as to why people shouldn't kiss babies on the lips. And it's not just cold sores, although that's the most commonly given reason due to the tragic deaths that have happened. It should be obvious that babies have underdeveloped immune systems and kissing is a very efficient way of spreading germs, yet people assume it's because you're precious or have anxiety (as you have experienced on this thread).

I wouldn't let anyone kiss my baby on the lips - I'm quite happy for them to think I'm unhinged if it means they don't do it 😅

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 29/05/2022 21:33

You say you have severe anxiety. I hope that you're getting help for this.

Darbs76 · 29/05/2022 21:36

Fair enough if you don’t want people kissing your baby, but this is something that some people get offended about. I’ve read a few posts on here recently. In their eyes they probably think you’re being OTT and obviously feel you were out of order touching their son to prevent him from kissing his cousin. You could always text your sister and say you hope they aren’t offended but your anxiety took over and you didn’t want your baby to get sick .

Calphurnia88 · 29/05/2022 21:41

Darbs76 · 29/05/2022 21:36

Fair enough if you don’t want people kissing your baby, but this is something that some people get offended about. I’ve read a few posts on here recently. In their eyes they probably think you’re being OTT and obviously feel you were out of order touching their son to prevent him from kissing his cousin. You could always text your sister and say you hope they aren’t offended but your anxiety took over and you didn’t want your baby to get sick .

But it isn't anxiety, it's fairly common sense not to want your 5 month old to potentially ingest snot from a toddler with a cold. If anything DS and BIL should apologise for not keeping an eye on him.

Would you want a snotty 3 year old to kiss you on the lips?

Roseandgeranium · 29/05/2022 21:49

Sorry, OP — my reply maybe wasn’t clear. I meant it was fair enough of you to do what you did since the parents weren’t stepping up. I meant that I’d feel a responsibility as the mother of a 3yo to make sure he didn’t get his viral gunk on a baby. If I wasn’t watching closely and missed the moment I’d be fine with the baby’s parent gently stopping him from kissing baby on the face. I don’t think you did anything wrong!

Doggyfish · 29/05/2022 21:50

FictionalCharacter · 29/05/2022 19:37

I don’t think yanbu to hold him back. It’s not like you hit him! I disagree with PPs - I wouldn’t have minded if my baby’s aunt held her back from something she wasn’t allowed to do.
No way would I have allowed any child (or anyone) to kiss my baby on the lips. Especially one with a runny nose. Ugh.
But yes the hair-wiping is way, way OTT.

One of my sons aunts or uncles probably would have held him upside down and called him a snot bag in this situation Grin

dreamyunicorn · 29/05/2022 22:01

FWIW I'd have done the same!

Original poster
cm1010 · 29/05/2022 22:04

My sister has taken my baby from me before and made her take her bottle when she wasn’t taking one from me but I never complained.. my nephew is also a veggie. If my daughter was old enough and tried to shove meat in his mouth she would soon put a stop to that by moving my daughter away and I’d be totally ok with that!

OP posts:
SlightlyGeordieJohn · 29/05/2022 22:09

cm1010 · 29/05/2022 19:34

He has snot all over his nose and lips so I do have to wipe afterwards

No you don’t have to, you chose to.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 29/05/2022 22:10

cm1010 · 29/05/2022 19:52

What was I supposed to do as the parents weren’t trying to pull him away or do anything? Should I have let him kiss her?

Well, since you are asking, then yes, I think that you should.

Why2why · 29/05/2022 22:11

So you are saying your sister and brother-in-law are lying when they expressed dissatisfaction in how you handled their 3 year old? Okay then. If you think you did nothing to warrant them being unhappy with how you treated your nephew, then good luck with that relationship going forward.

Instead of doubling down and minimising what you did, you should consider speaking to the doctor about your anxiety and having a healthy conversation with your sister and brother-in-law. At the very least acknowledge they are upset about how you treated their son. Even if you think you did nothing wrong, at least acknowledge they are unhappy about what happened.

If you can’t do that, don’t have high hopes that your relationship with you sisters and brother-in-law will be good. They may also avoid their son interacting with your daughter in the future.

Original poster
cm1010 · 29/05/2022 22:15

My sister wasn’t bothered though? She didn’t see an issue, she only asked why I didn’t want him kissing her?

OP posts:
Original poster
cm1010 · 29/05/2022 22:16

You’re right. I chose to because I don’t want my baby getting the bug he has?

OP posts: