Finding some parents rather pretentious...

[Burgoo]

I think its a minority though I have noticed over some time that there is a pattern where some parents almost seem a bit precious and pretentious about how much they do with their kids or what they give them.

I've seen a few instances where people say how they only feed their kids organic food, they have all these scheduled activities lined up, always available emotionally and present in the moment etc. Whilst that sounds great I do sometimes wonder whether it feels a bit of a "better parent" competition at times.

I feed my child whatever happens to be available in the house and I don't have the time to be messing around with carefully prepped meal plans and structured activities to occupy my child 24/7. Whilst I understand that those things are ideal, I often wonder why people feel the need to constantly bleat on about it, like it somehow makes them better parents (and as a by-product, better human beings). It feels like BS a lot of the time.

I've noticed that my partner and I often read online suggestions for things for/to do with/to feed our kid. There are meticulously arranged meal plans that sound absolutely ludicrous - avocado, mackerel, hummus, eggs and spinach muffins - I'd need a live in chef just to be able to get it all done. That's without the sheer amount of money these types of meal plans cost!

I don't begrudge people doing the best they can for their kids. It just comes off sanctimonious clap-trap when people bang on about it online.

My philosophy with kids is:

1. Moderation, moderation, moderation... my kid eats anything from prawns and chicken to broccoli and curry (low-fat mind). She is a perfect weight, doesn't eat huge amounts of junk but we don't go on some mental plan for her
2. Give your kid a bit of time to do nothing! I see so many parents having to be "doing" something with their kids all the time. Its a nice way to get your kids to avoid emotions and not be able to sit doing nothing for a while. I see it every day in my working life and I can see where it is going a mile off
3. Stop hovering! My partner does this and it drives me mad. If my kid falls over, she can get up. She will learn its okay. Waiting for a catastrophe to happen isn't going to make a child feel anything but neurotic.
4. Your kids are going to F up, alot! Don't put them on a pedestal; they will inevitably let you down and that is completely fine. We all do. I've seen so many parents who believe the sun shines out their kids rear ends.
5. Follow through with a consequence and take off the punishment once the kid has done what s/he's told. Parents saying "if you don't do X we are going home" is the one that always gets me going. I want to say "no you aren't and you will regret it later!"

Sorry for the rant. Please don't anyone take this as a personal attack, its just an observation.

It must be so frustrating being such a perfect mum

And that post makes you sound a bit snobby.

The low fat comment shows you have an issue with fat in food, whether that's for you or your DC, we don't know.

As a person who's staple diet is curry, I can tell you I have not (and never will) associate fat with the curry. There is no ingredient in any of the 50+ curries I make that would be substituted out to make it 'low fat'

Fwiw my kids eat curry made out of all veg and/or beans. They also eat other cuisines and humous, avocado, egg (easiest and quickest meal ever) plus spinach🙄

So maybe it's not the others that have the issue around food and you need to look at yourself....

There are no set rules to parenting. Most of us just make it up as we go along. I’ve got the finished product now - son early 20’s, and I can see where I might have gone wrong with some stuff, but as they say, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Yes parents who think they’ve nailed parenting and lecture others about it certainly are annoying OP……..

😂😂😂😂😂

Sorry that was meant to be a new post...

I don't know why it's got to you. I'm the best parent I can be and that's all I need to be.

If other parents tell me they do things I think 'hm maybe I will do that' or I think 'I won't be doing that but it's great you do'

Sounds like you have some unresolved guilt to be honest.

I think you have ruffled the feathers of all the middle class Amanda's. 😂 What I find most annoying is performance parenting on trains, everything said in a loud voice for an unwilling captive audience to admire what a wonderful parent they are. 😂

I don't think she has. I think she's just being called out for her hypocrisy and judging

😂😂😂

Yes!

I don't know, a lot of kids are growing up with mental health issues these days, everyone needs time and space to breathe a bit. I saw a post on here the other day about a mum's dilemma about not wanting her DC to have a cake at their birthday party because of the sugar and I just felt sorry that all the fun was going to be sucked out of their special day.

Amanda's what?
I suspect that the OP is more like Kevin.

I think a lot of parents are pretentious. And actually revel in it. Especially yummy mummies of a certain demographic.

It's certainly I thing where I live. I'm a Liz style parent though so can't really judge 😆

@Maireas I think she was assuming that because we all prepare our children meals we are the “Amanda’s”

The OP actually comes across more like Liz.

The OP actually comes across more like Liz.

Liz would never be concerned about the fat content of food!

Liz is good fun!

Pretty hilarious to post your multi-point parenting “philosophy” online whilst calling other parents pretentious…

I am with you on some of this. A lot of it is competitive, but parents should raise their kids how they want. I feed my kids avocado and hummus, but also a fair amount of crap too as I'm a working mum and very tired.

I find the people you describe tend to be part time workers or sahp's so have a bit more time to raise their kids this way and see it as a job to do well as they are home and have time to do it. I think they do have an advantage due to this, but is is life and as long as they aren't judging other people for having less time and resources (which often isn't their fault), it's up to them. I know plenty of people raised without organic food and structured activities who were fine, so don't worry.

Confused post. You start by complaining about precious parents that bleat on about what they do with the implication that these are the best things to do then you go on to list what people shd be doing. Just as bad if not worse.

Many of the pompous, sarcastic replies on here are somehow even worse than the OP.

I agree OP. Showboating parents who prob stick them in kids club every holiday but make sure they get the family photos for their SM.

My view as a parent and now a grandparent carer is do what is right for your children but do not impose this on other parents particularly in the school playground please.

Everyone is entitled to bring up their kids as they see fit, but the over-parenting stuff really grinds on me. The superloud voices and singing and telling little Ella to sing that song again in German/French/Spanish as we wait to collect the kids. Yes, we know they are super special to you but all kids are special to their parents. One mum gave me a huge list of what their child would or wouldn't eat for a small birthday party - no, no food intolerances.

I always say that the more effort you make with childrens' food is equal to the amount of anger you feel when they throw it on the floor. Save yourself the effort and feed them what they will eat within reason.

For all those who are hard of thinking, I didn't say my way was "right". Its a view. I also acknowledged by faults as a parent but please do try again.

I am basically calling out the "waitrose list" types that think that that is the real world for most working parents. Ironically (and yes I am on here, that doesn't escape me) most people on MN seem to be middle class, primarily white and a tad prissy. Looking at the language used on the site says it all "DH", "DS", "DD" its all rather pretentious.

It's interesting how people didn't want to engage their brains in reflection and the sheer level of defensiveness to this suggestion may indicate that people are a bit sensitive to it being gently pointed out.

My point was, it'd be a nicer world if people stopped trying to one up each other with their stuff on here. We all have our faults and ways of doing things. If you can't at least consider that position then I suggest maybe you need to develop some reflective ability.

Keep well all.

Back for another spanking, surely not?

NB: DH, DS, DD etc - all were already in use on message boards when MN started, we merely were early adopters of these what were even then standard abbrs. HTH

Go well.